It is crazy how you can be unconsciously aware of personality traits in yourself and flat out ignore them in an effort to make them go away...never really works huh?
For a while now I have been slowly trying to accept the fact that maybe..just maybe...i am not as extroverted as I claim/believe/want to be. Don't get me wrong...I love being around people, having fun, getting to talk to new people, and gaining good friends. I think that part that I don't necessarily like is the unknown which is always involved when dealing with other people outside of yourself.
For me it is so much easier to withdraw into my own little world (I still socialize on the acquaintance level) but I make excuses and tend to hold back when I am thrown in situations out of my comfort area. I get so wrapped up in forcing my own perceptions of myself on how I think other people are perceiving me, that I totally discount the reality and choose to voluntarily live in my own little world (with my own self-condemning thoughts) in an effort to avoid the unknown and remain comfortable. The problem is, that I am not a very nice person to myself most of the time so these hang-out times are not the most uplifting!!
However....I have learned that If I allow myself even one night out with the unknown (meaning new friends or friends I haven't seen in a while) man oh man does everything change!
This was one of those weekends.
With Josh being gone (and us not living near family and friends) I have found my own little bubble to be my main source of interaction these last few weeks (besides wonderful phone calls..but a person cannot live off the phone alone)!
This weekend by allowing myself to break away from myself I rediscovered...
The joy of my amazing in-laws..
The acceptance and love of the friendships God has provided me here..
The fact that spending quality time with friends and family when I are so tired and just want to sleep with actually energize me instead of making me more tired..
The unique ways that God chooses to reveal things to me..
The fact that I am a better wife and more considerate to my amazing husband..
and that when I allow myself to depart from the island of Ashley, how much i want to continue living on the main land.
Even though I miss Josh terribly, I had such an amazing weekend of good family, friends, conversation and just overall FUN!!