(Pre-warning the first half was written before christmas but I never had a chance to finish it and I don't feel like going back and editing it to be present day so hopefully it isn't too confusing)
Well folks it happened again..I fell off the blogging bandwagon :( As many of you know often times life gets in the way, good or bad, and well the blog gets pushed to the side. We have had a very busy couple of months (that I have been dying to write about) and often times I have to choose to blog or spend time with the Huds or just have a few moments of sanity. Apparently I never choose blogging :) On the good side though starting in January my schedule will be a lot more flexible and although Hudson has been extremely clingy, I am hoping to be disiplined enough to use at least one nap time a week to focus on my blog. With all that said I haven't stopped reading everyone else's blogs and I love getting to stay kind of connected; rejoicing in the good news and crying in the bad. On the crying note…I seem to not be able to stop lately! It is actually kind of annoying..a cute commercial, watching Grey's last night, a secret santa giveaway story on the radio on my way to work, and of course the latest horrific news of the children and adults lost in the CT shooting. So if you know me IRL I appologize right now because I never know what is going to start the next crying fest!
The hard part about waiting so long to update is that there is so much I don't know where to start! Since there is a lot of content to cover I am going to share first what has been biggest/hardest/whatever you want to call it stuff that has been the forfront of my world right now (besides my amazing son and hubs oh and charles), the B word. Yup the talk of a second baby. Now don’t get too excited, I'm not pregnant. But I do feel this is a story that I have to start from a few months ago and go in order so here it goes…
As many of you who have been reading my blog know (if there are any left reading) it took the Hubs and I about 3 years and many fertility treatments later to get pregnant with our adorable Hudson almost naturally (I will never say God doesn’t have a sense of Humor or can't work Miracles but I am getting a head of myself). When Hudson was two months old the Hubs left for a 6 month deployment (Jan 2012). During that time the thought of another baby while doing the single parent thing was the farthest thing from my mind, not to mention since the Hubs was gone it was pretty much impossible. Selfishly I had lost the baby weight plus the extra 10 pounds I had gained to help get pregnant and I was enjoying having my body back to myself (Hudson had decided on his own that he was done nursing at 5.5 months). I also wanted to enjoy the time as a family of 3 when the Hubs got back from his deployment. We really hadn't had a chance to get used to our bigger family before he left so there was an adjustment period as well as me learning how to let go of certain ways of doing things (it's hard to adjust to co-parenting after being a single parent for the majority of your 9 month old's life). However, the Hubs really makes it easy for me to adjust and I was so happy to have him back and have the extra help with Hudson that I don't think I really even noticed the transition that much. Although it is hard to go that long without seeing him we got spoiled when he returned and had about a month with just him before he had to go back to work.
Now is where I might start with the TMI on female issues so If you don't want to hear it you can stop reading…
Consider yourself farily warned..
Even though I had stopped nursing Hudson when he was around 5 1/2 months my period didn't return. I wasn't surprised since it had completely stopped when I was 19 and only returns as a result of medication. I had breifly thought though that maybe the pregnancy would have fixed some things..I guess not. I really really don't mind not having a period when we aren't trying to get pregnant but when we are it is the most discouraging and frustrating thing! A few weeks before Josh got back I started cramping a lot and having a lot of lower back pain, so bad that it would wake and keep me up at night (and for those of you who have little ones you know how much you covet your sleep). I knew that things would be busy with Josh returning and all the activities we had planned at home and away. I was also training for the San Fran 1/2 marathon so I thought it might be related and didn't really feel like finding someone to watch hudson while I went to go get check out so I put it off. In the meantime Josh returned from his deployment, we had a wonderful time in San Fran and the 1/2 was so much fun. We also enjoyed a lot of quality family of three time.
In August I was having severe sinus issues and while at one of my doctors appointments I mentioned the cramping and pain. She sent me to the OB on base who gave me some suggestions but none that I was thrilled about. From there the Hubs and I decided to go ahead and start trying for the second one earlier than we had planned. I went to the OB that had delivered Hudson and did one round of clomid which didn't work. I then went to an RE that I really like and since I was training for the AF marathon in September he wanted me to wait until after that to start anything. After the marathon I did a round of pills and shots and an IUI. I got the stomach flu the day before Hudson's big 1st birthday party (one week into the two week wait) which gave me hope that it might have worked since I hardly ever get sick like that (I blame it on daycare). However that cycle didn't work either.
The RE wanted to see us before we did anything else to discuss some new test results. I knew that was not good news and that IVF would be brought up. I have nothing against IVF but I also knew that we can't afford it right now and both Josh and I felt that God was telling us to wait on it. Just as I had thought, results from a test done before the IUI showed that without IVF our chances of getting pregnant right now are about 2%. Not good. We found out that it wasn't just me with the issues and that where mine could be helped with medication, the Hubs couldn't and that if we wanted to have a second baby IVF was really our only option. I cried a lot and we were both devastated but it also showed us what a miracle baby Hudson is. We knew when we were finally pregnant with Hudson that it was God's plan and that he was our little miracle since we had tried for so long, but until this appointment neither of us knew how true that was! Although the news was new to us the condition had been there all along. In the midst of the hurt of this news all I could think of was the God is Good and what an amazing gift he has given us with Hudson!
We decided at that point we would stop all fertility treatments and try and accept that we would only have one child (as more time passes though this is getting harder and harder to accept). And pray a lot that God would give us another miracle baby if it was His plan. I also decided to stop working so that I didn't miss anything with Hudson. I have to say that has been one of the best decisions so far! This little guy is so much fun and cracks me up everyday!
I am really hoping to get back into blogging because I miss it and it is the easiest way to document these struggles and keep friends and family in the loop. There is more to this story that I will be posting later this week but I didn't want to make this any longer for right now.
And I couldn't end without some cute pics of the Huds :)
ten thoughts // week three...
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