A Little Recap/Update

I am going going to be completely honest with you all…I keep hoping to get more regular with my blogging but lately it's not even the time factor. I have been really down and have had a rough couple of weeks and well I didn't only want to post more Debbie downer posts and I just haven't had the heart or motivation for the lighter posts so I just didn't write. I thought you all deserved an update/recap on what has been going on with me (if you were wondering). During the next few weeks I don't know how much I will be able to post, my parents are getting in town on Sunday and then I hopefully have my surgery that Friday (more on that) and well again it's just been tough and although it feels good be able to write it all out I have realized that I have to be cautious about what I put because I don't know who is reading this and I don't want to make anyone I personally know feel bad. So enough with all that..just bear with me and hopefully I will snap out of this sometime in the near future :)

Now onto the recap/update:

Last week was a blast getting to spend Christmas with both mine and the hubs families. We decided to do sort of a destination Christmas (i.e. no one actually lived in the area that Christmas was spent). On the Sunday before Christmas we headed to San Antonio and after many plane delays for my folks all were together by 3:30am on Monday morning. It was a ton of fun getting to catch up, relax, run outside (I never though I would be so happy for that), eat and eat and eat, and shop of course. We got to check out some of the local favorites and I totally fell in love with the Alamo Café which featured homemade fresh tortillas..yum! We also got to enjoy a fabulous dinner at Fogo de Chao and now I have met my meat quota for the month :)
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We stayed on base in two different "houses" and most of the time was spent in the main one where both sets of parents and my sis were staying. It had a full kitchen so we were able to eat in a few times. It was really nice because it felt like a home and we were able to do a normal Christmas complete with all the yummy food we usually make. Since we were actually flying back on Christmas day we celebrated two days before. It was so much fun but it totally threw me off because I thought that everyone had already celebrated and when we went over to a friends house on Christmas eve I was totally confused as to why they still have wrapped presents under the tree (yes I did figure it out quickly). All I have to say is celebrating Jesus' birth along with family, friends and yummy food..well what more could you ask for?!

Now I will get into the not so fun part. I think I have mentioned before but I have been working in a temp job for the past three months. When I first took the job I was told that it was going to be a three month assignment ending at the end of December. Once I got into the job I saw how much work needed to be done and there had been some talk about extending my assignment. At first I was totally excited but the more I have worked (and I love the job so it's not that) the more I realize that I don't like working full time. The hubs is always home way before me, I haven't cooked in like forever and my weekend involves getting as much housework done as I can before the work week starts again. I do realize that I am blessed to have this job and the extra money has been nice. However, with the upcoming fertility stuff I decided that I wasn't going to extend. After talking it over with my boss she convinced me to keep working part-time (20 hours) and see how that goes. It is a lot to train a new person on so I totally understand where she is coming from. I was a little hesitant but I figure since I already had the surgery all planned out and kind of knew what was coming up with the fertility, well that it might work out really well. The week before I left for Christmas was my last "full" work week and this weeks started my new schedule. It’s a trial thing on both ends and if it doesn't work out then that is fine too. All this to say, when we left for San Antonio I was feeling pretty good about everything.

That was until on Tuesday when I received a call from Dr. Female's office (my new fertility doc) saying that she has gone out on emergency medical leave and won't be back for at least 30 days. She is the only one in the practice who does the fertility stuff and they couldn't guarantee when she will be back. The nurse was really nice and said that as far as the surgery there were a couple other doctors who could do it and although they aren't specialists they have performed the surgery before. They set me up with a consultation for one of the Doctors and said that he has done the surgery many of times and has also checked tubes for blockage before (which was something they are going to do during the surgery). They want me to meet with him on Tuesday the 4th and then if I am okay with him doing it and he is able to it will still be done on Friday the 7th. However, it might have to be moved back a week or two depending on his schedule. I feel like I have been waiting for so long to start again and I didn't want to have to wait another month or more for my doctor to get back. I barley held it together on the phone and once I hung up I started bawling. I don't even know why but this set back just hit me really hard. I also started freaking out about work and the potential of having to change everything up. Even if I get the surgery done by this doctor, if mine doesn't come back in the 30 days I am going to have to find another doctor and start all over again (I am hoping to only have the surgery once). I have since talked to my work (when I got back I was ready to quit for good) but they said that they would be very flexible and it didn't matter how much I need to change my schedule as long as I got my hours in.

I am really trying to trust God with all of this but it is getting so difficult to hope the more impossible getting pregnant seems to become. I am just feeling very discouraged and honestly don't understand why it's not happening. To make matters worse I think I am going to swear off all forms of electronic communication because pregnancy announcements seem to becoming a daily trend (I'm not really going to but it is tempting). It goes back to the whole thing of being really happy for the couple(s) but is getting more and more painful to hear about. I am praying daily for God to take away my bitterness and to give me only pure joy for all my friends who are being blessed in this area.

So yeah, right now I am feeling very down and confused and broken. I am not doubting God and His power but I am having a hard time accepting his timetable. I think deep down inside I have this horrible fear that it's never going to happen and I'm just not ready to accept that yet. The hubs has been amazing because I know that this is so hard for him too. Every time he would ask me what I want for Christmas I would say a baby but I realize that isn't fair to him because he wants it just as bad as I do. We have started praying at night together about it and I know that as long as we are seeking God he will do what is best for us.

Anyways sorry for the long and kind of depressing post. I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

It’s Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas..(with Pictures)

 

I meant to post this a lot sooner but this week has been a little bit hectic (and having to get an root canal in the middle of it didn’t help things much).

Tomorrow we leave to San Antonio to spend our “Christmas” a few days early with both sides of the fam :)

Since I am in the middle to packing this is going to be mostly pictures..

So get ready..

For Christmas decorations..

 

First year I have had to buy snow boots!

And our favorite decoration of all :)

 

Have a wonderful Christmas!

What to say (or not to say) to an Infertile Friend

 

I have thought long and hard about what to write here. I want to give fair warning to anyone reading this (especially if you are going through your own fertility struggle) that this is just my opinion and what I have seen as helpful and not helpful. One key thing to understand is that each person is different, their situation is different and they handle things differently (physically and emotionally), so take what I am about to write with a grain of salt. I am finding that I am kind of a rare case (in that I often share too much about our struggles with random people) among the infertile community so my views might be different than others going through the same thing.

Okay, so enough warnings …let's get this show on the road :)

I was approached by a fellow blogger (who is not sure what to say to their friend struggling with infertility) and they asked me to address what might be good or not so good to say to a person going through this struggle. As I thought about it A LOT I began to realize that it is not really in what you say. Now that might sound confusing but hang with me and I am sure I will make sense of it. You see, as we all probably have experienced a lot of times it's not what a person says (i.e. the words used) but the feeling behind it and the way that say it that has the most impact on us. Now don't get me wrong, words can cut like a knife and I am going to address that next but first I want to talk about the "un-said" parts. You have to be willing to be flexible and really pay attention to how your friend is reacting and feeling each time you talk.

Remember, whether they are going through treatments or not, whatever is making them infertile is probably also messing with their hormones and causing their emotions to be all over the place. Your friend also has to realize that although this is very hard for them, it is okay if you don't completely understand it or say the wrong thing (see it is on both sides). Hormones are valid but they can't be a catch all excuse and if your friend is acting like they are then they might take everything you say or don't say wrong. I think one of the most helpful things that my friends and family have done is just to listen to me vent or just be with me. Sometimes I need those answers or reminders that it will happen, other times I just need to be told that this sucks and they are praying for me. To me prayer always helps and when someone lets me know they are praying for me, no matter how bad or moody I am feeling that day, it makes me feel better. Today during my devotions I read something in "Faith Deployed" that I think really speaks to this and I want to share it with you. Rebekah Benimoff states "When someone is struggling with their faith, don't say simply "Oh, God has a plan, it will all work out." Allow the person to walk through the trials so that her faith can be tested and refined. When the wound is raw, put aside your own discomfort and your own desire to have an answer, and just BE with the person."

I have found that my struggle with infertility is also a struggle with God and trusting his will. It is definably a faith strengthening time because ultimately I have to learn to completely rely on Him for the desires of my heart. Yes, we can use modern medicine and other helps or remedies but ultimately it is God that forms this life in us and he can do it with or without all the extra measures we feel are necessary. As a person going through fertility struggles and treatments it can be overwhelming and although I know deep in my heart that God has a plan, hearing others tell me that is not always the most well received in my mind. This is where your judgment comes into play (I know, but again everyone is different); if the friend you are trying to help seems to be receptive to hearing about God's plan (and even go one step further to say it themselves first) then I think reminding them gently of that is good and can help. However, if your friend is either avoiding the subject or really upset about it then a little empathy is always nice. A lot of times I just want to feel like I am accepted and understood and during those times hearing friends tell me that my feelings are valid or they feel like that too or it just plain sucks…well it helps. If you are a person that hasn't struggled with fertility, then just the act of trying to understand and even say "I don't understand but this sucks and I am always here for you to vent" can make a world of difference. When I am able to talk out my feelings with my friends or husband or mom I end up working through a lot of the frustrations I am feeling (and most of the time they are just listening). Be careful though that it doesn’t turn into a complaining fest..it is good to vent but don't go overboard. Also if they are avoiding the subject then don't talk about it. Ask them about other things in their life and things you talked about before all the fertility stuff started (it's nice to just get away from it all sometimes).

Oh and hearing success stories is nice but also make sure that you aren't going overboard because when I hear them all the time I start to get discouraged and feel that it is never going to happen to me. Again, it goes back to reading the situation, knowing your friend and acting upon what you are perceiving. Sometimes we are just more receptive than others.

I honestly believe that if you are coming to your friend with an open mind and heart, taking the time to read how they are feeling that day, and just speaking to them through your love for them, then even if you do say the "wrong" thing at that time it will be okay. If you say something and can tell right away they were hurt or didn't take it the way you meant them to then it is okay to point that out say "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that or I didn't mean for that to come out like it did".  You also have to be willing to give them space if they need it. I know there are days where I just don't want to talk to or see anyone and having people respect that is a relief. Now if they are locking themselves away for weeks at a time then you might want to get a little concerned.

Another thing, although pride can be dangerous but it makes me feel better sometimes when my friends tell me they are proud of how I am handling everything. This is a hard subject because everyone is so different. Some people are really private about their struggles and some aren't. But letting your friend know that you don't mind talking about fertility stuff and you want to be there for them and then leaving it in their court is good.

I know that I have probably been all over the place in this post and I hope you were able to make some sense of it. I'm not an expert and this is just my own experiences talking. I know that I shared in a recent post some of the emotions that I experience on a daily and weekly basis and if you haven't read that go here and read it because that might help you understand a little more about what your friend is going through. I am sure there are about 5 million other things I could talk about here so if you have any questions for me or need additional advice please feel free to e-mail me at bakogrl at gmail dot com and I will get back to you (there is no guarantee how fast the response time will be though I will try to be quick).

Bottom line though, you are already a great friend by being concerned with their feelings and I applaud you for that. I know that it can be exhausting sometimes not knowing what to say or always talking about the same thing. Hang in there and show them love but also show them that they still have a life and it is not only about getting preggers (that tunnel vision can really kick in for them). They are lucky to have a friend like you and they need to realize that as well. And if nothing else seems to help, well just keep praying for them because God can do some crazy stuff!

I hope this helped and if not ..well thanks for reading it anyways :)

The Charles and Coffee just don’t Mix..

I know that I have a couple posts that I need to get my but in gear and finish (so don't dismay they are coming)! In the mean time I thought I would share with you all a nice little Charles story (since he has actually been pretty good lately and therefore not good at providing writing material). In a previous post I mentioned that we take the Charles to puppy daycare two days a week. Usually I will take the rascal and the hubs will pick him up since he gets home earlier than I do. Lately I have been noticing that the Charles has developed this bad habit of trying to climb on the center console thing and into the front seat (and we all know he is not a little guy)! He is really good about getting down when I tell him to but then something will excite him or he will get nervous and try to do it again.

Let me also point out that the Charles has no center of gravity I believe and any sudden stops or turns (or even when they are not sudden) send him flying across the back seat of the car. Kind of funny but I try to be a nice mom and not laugh too much. The Charles also likes to be petted while I drive which involves him sticking his head through the small opening by the top of my seatbelt and putting his face next to mine. As soon as I stop petting him, well he sticks his face under my arm and lifts my arm up as if to say "why are you stopping..you're not finished yet". That's about the time that I start laughing so hard I almost get in an accident (not really but I wouldn't be surprised if it happened).

So anyways, on this particular drive to puppy daycare we turn the corner onto the street where the daycare is and the Charles starts going bonkers. I try to ignore him hoping that he will calm down and we will make it to the place safely. I had been telling him the whole drive to get off the console and sit in the back. As I turn into the daycare place though, another car was turning from the opposite side of the street and although I had the right away and clearly had my blinker on, it startled me and I didn't notice that the Charles with his zero sense of graving was standing on the center console. By then it was too late and as soon as we turned his paws went sliding up to the front dash and straight into my nice hot steaming oh so yummy paper cup of coffee. I didn't realize it at first..all I felt was wet and wondered where it came from. Then the Charles started freaking out b/c hot coffee was all over his paws (which he so kindly tracked all over the back seat). To make matters worse, my open gym bag (well more like jcrew paper bag with gym clothes) was on the floor of the front seat where most of the coffee went. I took him into to puppy daycare and then I tried to clean up the car as best I could with just a few subway napkins. I managed to clean up most of the car and salvage my gym clothes and about 1/2 the coffee (luckily I had an extra paper cup at work to transfer the coffee into).

About a week later though my car still smells like coffee every time I get in it..you would think that would be nice, but well not so much. Now I am extra careful to make sure the Charles is in the back seat anytime we turn or stop :)

The Hard Parts of Christmas..

 

I know a lot of you will agree with me, Christmas time is by far the best time of the year! I love the music (which I have been already indulging in for a month), the Christmas lights and decorations, curling up on the couch during a snow storm, Christmas shopping (you may thing I'm crazy but I love it), and the abundance of family time. Most of all though I love being reminded of the Birth of our Lord and Savior. This is also a hard time of the year for me. Before I write anymore, I just want to warn/say that I really don't mean to be a downer but I think sharing what is going on in my head will help me to not let it build up in my heart.

It is so interesting that one of the happiest times is also one of the most trying times of the year. I find myself experiencing both. I am so thankful for my family and all that God has provided for us. I know that although my problems are huge in my mind, I am very fortunate compared to others (we have a wonderful house, money to buy presents and food, warm and cute clothes, and job security). God has defiantly been good to us. I have been getting frustrated with myself because although believe that in my heart, I often forget how good God has been to us and get wrapped up in my emotions.

Although I knew this time would come, this is the first Christmas without my Gram. It is easy during most of the year to push it away because I had lived across the country from her these last few year but since Christmas time is such a family time and a time that I always see her..well it hits hard. I am rejoicing that she is spending her first Christmas with my Papa in Heaven, but I am missing her so much here on earth. We are doing more of a destination Christmas with both sides of the family this year and I am really glad because I know it would be hard to do the same traditions with her gone.

Last Christmas the Hubs was deployed (and I am so happy to spend this one with him). Since we knew that we were going to start fertility treatments when he got back I was almost sure that by the next Christmas we would have our own little one "in the hanger" (i.e be pregnant). I can't tell you how many tears I have cried this week over the fact that we are still far from that point. I know God has a plan and I trust him, but in all honesty I am fighting not to become bitter. During most of this infertility journey I have been found that although I wanted a baby so bad, my attitude towards those who are blessed with the gift of motherhood had not been negatively affected. It seems though in the last month I have changed without wanting to or meaning to. I find that when I hear someone is pregnant (especially if I don't know them) I get upset or angry and wonder why them and not me? What did they do to be blessed like this? Now before you judge me I know that God isn't keeping tallies and it doesn't work that way, but that is how I feel. I get angry at God sometimes and wonder what bad things I have done to be cursed with Infertility. I try and remind myself that compared to many others I don't have it that bad, that there is still hope and most importantly nothing is impossible for God. I guess just having another year pass without any sign of a bambino is taking it's toll. Sorry to be grumpy about all this..I just needed to vent.

On the positive side though, as much as I might get angry with God and question His time-table, this whole process is drawing me closer to Him and growing my faith more than I thought possible. It is causing me to open my mind to people and situations that I might not have if we weren't going through this..and for that alone I know that God is working.

One final note:

Now listen up..if you have kept reading this far I have something very important to say before I end this rant. If you are pregnant or have a baby or become pregnant before me…please, please, please don't hid it from me or assume that I don't want to hear. As hard as it is for me, it also gives me so much joy to be apart of your motherhood journey. I love being able to share your good and bad times too and I don't want you to ever hesitate to share things with me in fear of hurting me…it hurts me a million times more by being kept out of the loop. I debated even writing this for fear of it being taken wrong, so please know that I am not saying what I am feeling is right or anything bad about anyone else..I am just being honest and I could use some bloggy support :)

PS a happy Christmas post is coming complete with pictures of our Christmas decorations.

PPS..I was asked recently if I could write a post about what a non-infertile friend should/shouldn’t say to a infertile one and I have not been ignoring the request..I have just been thinking and praying a lot about it and I am still trying to nail everything I find helpful into a post. Also, if anyone else has questions that you would like me to expand on that I write about on my blog feel free to e-mail me at bakogrl at gmail dot com. I'm no expert but I would love to help in any way I can.

Attempting Thanksgiving on our own…

It seems like it has been forever since I haven't traveled during the Thanksgiving holiday. When I was in college I traveled to the Hubs parents (since it wasn't worth flying home from Ohio to Cali for Thanksgiving when I would be going home in a couple more weeks for Christmas). Once the Hubs and I were married it didn't get any better. Oh the joys of living far away from family. Although our families were suppose to switch off getting us for Thanksgiving and Christmas, due to different circumstances, we have mostly ended up spending Thanksgiving at the Hubs' parent's house and Christmas at mine. This year though I have sworn off traveling over Thanksgiving! Honestly, it wears on a person and I am so looking forward to having a chill Thanksgiving in our own home.

This year both sides of the family are spending Christmas together (it's a good thing we all get along) so that meant that the Hubs and I were able to not travel for both this year. Now I will admit that as much as I am looking forward to not going anywhere, I am really going to miss having Thanksgiving with our families. Okay, enough of the sentimental stuff..

I had a slight freak-out though when I realized that no family (besides the Hubs and the Charles) meant that it was my responsibility to cook the whole meal..including and not limited to the Turkey (yikes). You see, I don't do whole poultry. Sure I can handle chicken breasts but one time my mom left a whole frozen chicken in our freezer and I went to cook it and almost tossed my cookies trying get the insides out…ewww no thanks! I have sworn off that and it is now the hubs job to get all the insides out. However he also refuses for the most part so then we have to come up with creative ways to get around the whole insides of a turkey thing. I have cooked different dishes before for thanksgiving but I have never been in charge of the star of the meal. So what did I do…I searched high and low to find a no-so-expensive pre-cooked turkey…yes be ashamed! However, my futile attempts did not work out and I settled for the Jennie-O turkey breast in a bag thing (where it is all ready and you just stick the bag in the oven). So I am still actually "cooking" the turkey though no insides to deal with. And I am still nervous that I am going to mess it all up!

I have laid out a menu that is pretty similar to what I grew up having and even though it is just the two of us and the Charles (he thinks he should get a full portion of everything) I couldn't leave out my favorite dishes so I am sure we are going to have Way Way too much food! I think we might try and take some to the military guys working the Gate on Thanksgiving night.
I have also decided that working on Friday is no fun! It kind of ruins the whole relaxing thanksgiving thing knowing that while everyone else gets to go shopping I am having to work..oh well! I am hoping we get off early. And if we only get one day off this week at least we get to wear jeans (they deemed it casual week)  :)
So yeah, that's our Thanksgiving plans..oh and a Lost season 6 marathon! It is the Charles's first Thanksgiving not in a kennel so he is pretty excited!

What are your Thanksgiving plans?

Our Child in daycare...

Well by Child I mean dog, more specifically The Charles.

I think of it as parent training although I am not planning on working when we have kids so I guess I wouldn't be taking them to daycare too much. Anyways, when I started working we felt bad that he was being locked up all day, well that coupled with the fact that he would throw up every afternoon when the hubs got home (the vet says anxiety), we decided to shell out the cash and take him to puppy daycare 2-3 times a week. I realized that for the Charles 5 times was a little too much since he comes home exhausted (so nice) and usually a day in between to recover is good. But oh does he love his puppy camp :)

It has gotten to the point where when I turn onto the street in the morning that the daycare is on he starts yelping in the car out of excitement. It is nice that he gets to interact with other dogs and work off some of his energy. I don't know if anyone has been watching the Apprentice this season but I totally wish our daycare place had the webcam like they did on their challenge..I would love to see the Charles interact with the other dogs :) Sometimes I feel bad because I think that he wishes that he had other dogs to play with, which makes this arrangement really nice. I don't know how he is going to take it when I stop working and he doesn't get to go anymore..

We have been taking him since the beginning of October. However, just recently I was told the truth about dear ol' Charles. You see, I thought I had this very social dog that loved to play with other puppies. Not so much.Turns out the Charles thinks he is human. Yep, that's right, he would much rather spend time with the human workers than the other dogs. Just when I thought I was giving him what he really wanted, pups to play with, I find out that he plays with the other dogs for about an hour (of the 6-7 he is there) and then follows around the workers for the rest of the day. They love him, but seriously! I guess if that is what makes him happy that's okay :) I guess when I do stop working he won't mind very much, unless he prefers those workers to me!

One of the girls says that he has a favorite worker that he follows around and when she stops to do something he lays at her feet and then gets up and follows her when she moves again. Go figure, I guess all those years of just humans trained him to be like this! And I can't complain too much because it is so nice when he comes home and passes out and isn't whining for us to play with him. Maybe I just have a snob for a dog..

Does your dog like humans or other dogs more?

The Doctor's Report…Some good new and some not so fun news

Thank you all so much for your prayers and support this week. I truly felt it! Yesterday I went to the Doctor B (this is how I will refer to her from now on because her last name starts with a B not because she is a B..). I was told to come with a full bladder because I had to have a pelvic ultrasound. I am used to the other ones where they get all up-close and personal down there and therefore forgot and a few minutes before I left my house I went to the restroom..opps. So yeah, then I downed around 36-40 oz's of water and by the time I got to the doctor I REALLY had to pee. I have decided that those ultrasounds are not my favorite because my bladder has it's issues and someone pressing on it while it is bursting full of water is not my idea of a good time.

Anyways..moving along. The ultrasound tech was really nice and they even had a tv where I could watch the ultrasound. When I told her that I really liked that aspect and that at my old place I always wondered what everything looked like (no tv there) she started to explain to me everything she was looking at. After the pelvic ultrasound I got to empty my bladder (they had a bathroom attached to the ultrasound room..very nice) and then she proceeded to do the vaginal ultrasound. During the first ultrasound she didn't really see anything like cysts or abnormalities however, when she did the vaginal ultrasound it showed that I think on my right ovary there were two follicles in the ovary and a cyst outside of the ovary. I was a little surprised and curious because I have been having so much pain and pressure down there that I thought they would see something more. I am glad that they didn't but I also want to know where the pain and pressure are coming from.

After the ultrasound I had to wait about 30 minutes to talk to the doctor. It was basically 30 minutes of nervous torture! Finally Doctor B came in and started going over my ultrasound results. She said that the cyst outside the ovary was most likely endometriosis and that before I take any more inject able drugs or the Metaformin, she thinks it would be best to do the laparoscopy to clean out the endometriosis and while they are in there they will also make sure there aren't any other cysts and check to see if my tubes are blocked. I am nervous for the surgery but I am glad that she is wanting to thoroughly check me out before doing more meds. One thing I learned was that endometriosis is toxic to the sperm and so a lot of times you do all the work to get the egg to drop and the sperm up there and then it kills the little guys off! Doctor B seemed surprised that I didn't argue or ask more questions but I felt like we had went over everything at the first appointment and I agreed with her recommendation since I can feel there is obviously something going on down there and the pain has been getting worse. She also said that my bleeding at random times is probably due to cysts working their way out and/or the endometriosis. I asked her about my low temp again just to make sure and she said that some people just have a lower base line temp and that what really matters is whether I am ovulating which we can find out other ways.

I then went to make my appointments and talk to the billing lady. She was so nice and explained everything in depth. I loved my NJ clinic but I think since Doctor B is a does both regular OBGYN and fertility treatments that they explain things a lot more and make everything clear from the beginning. I remember when I first started all of this in NJ I was so overwhelmed and confused because the nurses and doctors didn’t really explain everything and just assumed I knew.

I had to make my appointment for after the first of the year since I will be done working then. Even though they do them on Fridays so you have the whole weekend to recover, I knew it would be better to just wait until I am done. Plus for some reason my mom doesn't think I will take care of myself so she is planning on coming out and helping out after the procedure…plus I always want my mommy during these type of things and I am so happy that she is willing to come! Doctor B said that after a procedure like this my fertility success rate should go up a lot...so here's hoping! It's hard not being able to start right away but I know this will be best for my sanity and at least we are getting the process started again.

Again, thank you all so much for your prayers and support..it means the world to me! I will keep you updated as the ball starts rolling again.

SYTYCD + Vegas + Family + Birthday = Great Weekend

I realize it’s almost the next weekend but I had to share with you all our adventures of last weekend. Now that we live closer to the West Coast I thought I would be seeing my family a lot more but with work and them still being 11 hours away, I don't get to see them as much as I would like. My sister and I share a love of So You Think You Can Dance (and even though the hubs won't admit it to everyone..he really likes it to). Two years ago in NJ the Hubs and I went to the Season 4 tour performance and had such a great time. Ever since then we have wanted to see another one. This last season, season 7, I watched partially with the hubs and partially with my sis (due to the hubs being deployed). When we saw that the season 7 tour would be performing in Las Vegas on the day before my birthday..well the deal was sealed. Since Vegas is a little over halfway to my folks it works out as a great meeting ground for a weekend..and so fun! My parents and childhood best friend came to (although they didn't go to the performance) which made the weekend all the better!

If feels like there has been so much going on these last few months and both the Hubs and I welcomed the break. It actually worked out great because since both the hubs and I didn't have to work on Veterans day we headed down Thursday and were able to spend Thursday night and most of Friday just the two of us since everyone else got there later on Friday. We left a little later on Thursday than we would have like due to a dr's appointment that I had and the fact that I showed up at the wrong address and had to book it across town to get to the appointment. However, we arrived in Vegas right before dinner which was perfect because one of the main reasons we go there is for the food!

I really don't go to Vegas a lot but I have found my favorite foods places for the most part and usually don't stray too much from them. Although there are many good buffets, there is a newer one in the M resort that is farther down the strip which is the best and since it isn't right on the strip the quality for the price is great! To make it even better though, since it was Veterans day military got to eat for $5 a person (instead of $25)..whoo hoo! Usually I end up eating way too much but since we knew that we had more eating ahead and the dinner didn't cost that much it was nice to leave feeling satisfied and not stuffed (which was probably the only meal I felt like that this weekend)!

We then checked into our room in the Paris Casino and ended up watching "Dinner with the Shmucks" which was uber hilarious! Friday morning we slept in a little bit and then headed out for breakfast at the Hash House a Go Go. If you haven't eaten there before you have to the next time you are in Vegas, the portions are huge but the prices are good and the food is amazing!! I had their version of oatmeal called the Hot and sticky granola which came with fruit and a biscuit that was to die for (and don't even get me started on the home-made jam on the table)! Yes, I know..I have a thing for food :)

The rest of the morning and afternoon we spent in Caesars shopping around (well I was shopping and the hubs was being very patient)! It was of course the essential pre-birthday shopping where you try-on a ton and put stuff on hold..
We had to change rooms (upgrade…yay) so we headed back to the hotel, packed up and then headed to Nellis AFB to check out the BX for a coach purse :) There was an air show practice so that was really cool to get to see some of (although the traffic was horrible). I didn't find a purse because even though there isn't any tax I just didn’t see one yelling at me to spend that much!

We met up with my parents and sis later, at a quick dinner and headed to the SYTYCD show (we rushed b/c we thought it started at 7pm but it really started at 7:30..opps!) The show was so much fun and we had great seats so we could really see them. As we left I was in a ton of pain due to my back and stomach cramping up (I don't know why) and so I was just ready to get to bed.

The next morning we went to my parents hotel and then headed out to breakfast at the Hash House..seriously there is so much good stuff there! Then in an effort to burn some of the calories we consumed..we did some more shopping. It is funny because although we went to the same stores as the day before I still managed to try more stuff on and my hubs treated me to some new clothes. We then headed to the outlets and were planning on going to an early dinner at the M buffet again (it was my birthday so my choice) but I got caught up at the outlets for longer than I thought..all those good sales :)

Dinner was wonderful and it was so much fun spending time with the family and getting to hang out with my bestie! We went back to their hotel afterwards and opened presents. It was a wonderful day and went by way to quickly!
The Hubs and I had to head out the next morning though everyone else got to stay longer. I was seriously tempted to just quit my job and stay the rest of the week but I know I need to finish the assignment out so I resisted! We had our farewell breakfast at again the Hash House (different location though) and by the time that was over I vowed never to look at food again!! We had to say our goodbyes but it was so much fun! I totally love my family and the time I got to spend with the bestie was amazing..although we have been best friends since before we could talk we hardly get to see or talk to each other unless I am in town. I love the time I got to spend with the Hubs too and he made this weekend and my Birthday the best!

Now it's back to the real world but at least Christmas is kind of close :)

What is your favorite birthday celebration?

A Trip to the New Doctor

I was going to wait to post anything about this because well there isn't much to tell yet and I don't know what the final outcome will be. But I am no good at Not talking about things and I could really use all your prayers.

I had a doctors appointment last Thursday. This was my first female doctors appointment since my last cycle of fertility treatment in NJ in June. I have mentioned several times before that I have felt off since then and since I didn't have any type of follow-up I was concerned about cysts from all the follicles in the last cycle (especially the 43mm one)!

Anyways, I had to go to my PCM first on base and then she referred me out to a normal OBGYN which would then refer me to a specialist (I know..annoying process)! Since I was trying not to take time off work I had to wait till veterans day since I already had it off. I was excited because the address for the doctor was literally around the corner from my house…well that was until I showed up and found out she had moved and had to jet across town to try and not be too late to the appointment. My main goal out of this appointment was to get an ultrasound, make sure everything was okay and see what the next steps were. I was surprised to find that, when I actually made it to the right dr's office, that Girl Doc (since my doc in NJ was a male) was not only a regular OBGYN but also a fertility specialist as well! The appointment ended up being very interesting. Since I had only been to the Boy Doc in NJ I guess I just figured that they would take the same approach. I am glad it was different though because the NJ approach didn't seem to work for me to well..I was excited to have a new set of eyes for this process.

I had brought my charts from the Boy Doc as well as the temperature chart I had been attempting to do this last month. I was also concerned because as I was charting my temp it was too low for the normal chart (averaged about a 96.5) and I didn't know if that meant anything. I know most people's gets up pretty high when they are ovulating but mine has topped out so far at 97.67. Anyways Girl Doc didn't seem too concerned about that and said that my chart looked like a regular ovulatory cycle so far, but was concerned with the fact that I didn't have any sort of discharge (sorry if this is TMI)!

As I talked to her I started to feel better about finding out what is going on. I have been having a lot of pains and after looking at my history from the Boy Doc, Girl Doc says the first thing she wants to do is an ultrasound to see if I have any cysts. She was really concerned that I had been over-stimulated from the last cycle.From there if I do I will have to have laparoscopic surgery to remove them and at the same time she will check for endometriosis and also to see if my tubes are blocked. She was a little concerned about why I hadn't gotten pregnant yet since my last treatment cycles were pretty good. Since I didn't get the HSG  at Boy Doc's office If I don't have cysts that is the next step. She did talk to me some about IVF since I seem to have a problem releasing the egg and I guess if my tubes are blocked that might be our only option. The Hubs and I are still not sure on our thoughts on that but I guess we will have to cross the bridge if necessary. I asked Girl Doc about acupuncture and she said that although she doesn't work directly with it, anything that is suppose to help and doesn't harm is worth a shot. I know some of you girls have tried that so any advice on acupuncture would be appreciated! She also said that she would put me on Metaformin but she wanted to wait to see if I needed surgery first since it can make you dizzy and nauseous.

I am just so ready to be pregnant and everything is so up in the air right now, but I do feel better that we are at least moving along in the process again. Since I am working through the end of December, any major things will have to wait until the first of the year, but at least I will know what is coming. I am still trusting God and I do truly believe that He has His timing for us and whatever method he chooses to use. I know they say it's not good to pray for patience but that is what I have been praying for because this is hard! I felt kind of dumb because when I was talking with Girl Doc and telling her that a lot of the people who have been trying also are now pregnant I started crying. I asked her about being supper emotional (I seriously cry all the time) and she said it is part to do with the medication still in my system and part to do with PCOS. I also asked her about the weight gain (I have gained about 5-10 pounds since starting all of this and no matter what I do it won't go away) and she said that is also due to the medication. Girl Doc told me that it takes about 6 months of no meds to get all the medication out of a person's system.

I have my ultrasound on Thursday and then I talk with the doctor afterwards. I am really glad because today and yesterday I have been spotting and had a lot of pain. I really appreciate any prayers you wouldn't mind sending my way :)

For now I just get to live vicariously through the wonderful ladies that either just found out they are pregnant or are in the midst of their pregnancy or just had their little one..I am ecstatic for you all and I can't wait to hear more..and maybe some of your fertility will rub off on me :)

I just love it when this happens..

I just love it when things I read in my devotions speak directly to things I am dealing with at the moment. I find that if I don't dig into God's word or read my choice devotional for that day in the morning I won't get around to it. So I have been making sure that even if it is only 10 minutes in the morning, and even if I don't feel like it or have a million other things on my mind, that I take the time to spend some time with God. Several years ago my sister gave me an extra copy of "My Utmost for His Highest" and although it is falling apart I can read it over and over and get something new out of it every time. It is one of my main morning reads right now. I also try to pick a book in the Bible to read but lately I have been slacking on that part.

Anyways, although I have been diligent in my reading I have still felt kind of far away from God. I feel like I have had so many things going on in my head that I can't concentrate on what I am reading or God is trying to say. You know when you just feel like things are clicking or it just takes a lot of effort to get anything out of it..well that was me..and yet I read on.

The last couple days though things have started to become effortless again. I have felt like each day I have been able to relate and come away with something pertaining to my current issues. Not only that but I have seen or recognized God move in my life more. I just love it when this happens. I do realize that as God's children we go through dry spells where we feel far away from Him, and he has a purpose for that, but I have to admit how much I love it when the rain comes!

This morning I think it hit me the most. As you probably have been able to tell from my last few posts, I have a lot of different issues I am dealing with right now. Two of the main issues (besides the baby one) have been body image and making friends and missing my old friends (more on that to come). I have been struggling a lot with my mental attitude towards my body, especially as I am still dealing with the after-effects of the fertility treatments with no baby right now. Without even realizing it I have been placing so much time and energy (both mentally and physically) on getting back to my "pre-treatment" body. The funny thing is that we are going to be starting treatments again soon so I really don’t know why I am doing this to myself! But even more so, I am realizing that if I am wrapping up all my mental and physical energy in this one area (and putting too much emphasis on it) then God can't use me where he wants to. When I was driving home yesterday and listening to KLUV the DJ said something that really stuck with me, he was talking about the show "the biggest loser" and said "turn off the tv and facebook or myspace or anything that makes you dislike your body because God can use you no matter what and he isn't concerned with that"….this is my paraphrase. The hubs and I were just talking about this yesterday ..which is another discussion altogether but he was a great encouragement to me. Then today while I was reading "My Utmost for His Highest" for the day of Nov. 4th I came to the end and God reminded me of his priorities:

"The last thing we do is come; but everyone who does come knows that that second the supernatural rush of the life of God invades him instantly. The dominating power of the world, the flesh and the devil is paralysed, not by your act, but because your act has linked you on to God and His redemptive power."

Now I know that for me I usually have to re-read the passages from this book several times to understand what the author is saying. But this time it really hit me that I don’t' need to be afraid to give my body image issues over to God because although it might not be the outcome I see as best right now…I will never be able to argue that God's plan and his redemptive power and the power to change what I think is beautiful and acceptable is way better than my own efforts.

Anyways just remember that even when God feels very far away he is still right there with you and just wait because when he reveals himself to you again it is totally worth the dry spell.

Have a great Friday!!

When I don't listen sometimes God shouts..

 

Sometimes I think that I suffer from long-term memory loss when it comes to my schedule. I tend to get wrapped up in the here and now of what I want and think is best and I forget the lessons that God has taught me in the past..and well then he sometimes has to yell to get my attention in his special God way.

Take Exhibit A:

In the months before we got to Utah I was happy not working, having more of a free schedule to get involved in activities and undergoing fertility treatments. Right after we ended the last round of treatments with a BFN we moved to Utah and decided to take a short break from the said treatments. I was in a new place with no friends, no treatments to occupy my time and it was in the middle of the summer so most activities were on hold. So what does that mean, well it means that I get bored and start thinking that I need to work full time again (yes, forgetting what God had shown me last year when I went through this and realized we work better as a family and I am more happy when I am not working or working part time). I do want to add before I continue that I don’t think there is anything AT ALL wrong with both spouses working fulltime, this is just what I have realized works best for my family and God has blessed us with the fact that I don't have to work.

Anyways, moving along..

I admit now (which I have known for a while) that I basically have two speeds or schedules I bounce back and forth from: free and slow or crazy and supper busy! What to guess which schedule I am on now??

Luckily on my never-ending quest for a job once we arrived in Utah I see how God orchestrated it so that I would get a temp job (not even temp-to-hire). Working and trying to fit everything else in this last month has reminded me of those oh so precious lessons that he taught me the last time I worked full-time. It has also brought to the forefront how much we want to grow our family and how hard that is when we never see each other :)

But..

I'm a little dense sometimes and although I have moments of clarity I seem to forget them right after and either try to add more responsibilities to my already packed list or think that I can continue on like this forever.

Moving onto Exhibit B:

Since we have been leaving the Charles alone a lot during the day I thought it would be a good idea to get him a friend. The hubs and I talked getting another dog and decided it might be best to wait until January when I am done working. However, I talked the hubs into going to Pet Co. a few weeks ago during an adoption day and we found our second dream dog. She seemed almost too good to be true but we also had jumped into our last dog purchase too quickly so we didn't want to do the same thing again (although now we wouldn't give up the Charles for anything)! We got the foster family's number with the promise to think (and pray hard) about it during the week and let them know by Friday (it was Sunday). Luckily the hubs was diligent about waiting till the end of the week and really trying to listen to where God was leading us. Me on the other hand, well I prayed about it but I really felt that we should do it so I think I was a little annoying to the hubs that week :)

At the end of the week we decided to do the "foster to adopt" where you take the dog for a week and then if it works you pay for her and if not you give her back to the foster family. We picked her up Saturday and had fun watching her interact with the Charles. It was weird though too because we are so used to our routine and so it kind of shook that up. When we had talked to the foster family they said they thought she was about 6 months and that she was potty trained and didn't chew (yeah I know). After going through the puppy phase with the Charles we vowed never to do it again but we figured she was far enough a long that she was mostly out of that phase.

Once we got her home we realized that she was younger than they thought (the hubs noticed that she still had her baby teeth). She did really good overall though; she would sit at the door when she had to go potty but when we didn't notice she would go in the house. We got her some chew toys but then Charles decided that he wanted whatever toy Layla was playing with at the time..yeah good kid training :)

By the next morning though when she had pooped in the house and I tried taking both dogs outside at the same time by myself, and she chewed my favorite flip-flops, we realized we might be a one dog family for right now. If I wasn't working full time it might have been a different story but even with that I couldn't imagine having both of them with a new baby (whenever our time comes for that).

We decided to take her back before us or her or the Charles got too attached. It is crazy how much you can get attached to a dog in just one day though. The night after we took her back I cried the whole night. I kept picturing her little face and felt like I had abandoned or betrayed her. Seriously, I was a mess! At work the next day I wasn’t any better but I also didn't want to make the hubs feel bad by talking about it non-stop. If I could have I would have gone back and got her right then and there! At that time I really felt like we didn’t' give her enough of a chance, but as the hubs pointed out..we could have made it work but it wouldn't have been the best situation for her or us. It was funny too because she never went potty inside or chewed at the foster girl's house and I think it was because they were home during the day and have a yard.

But again God has a plan and I learn the hard way…

and finally Exhibit C:

Two days after we took Layla back I was taking the Charles out to go potty before I left for work we were walking up the cement steps when he saw a cat…yes me and early morning darkness and dogs are not a good mix right now (I.e. the dog bite). I didn’t realize that he had taken off running with me attached until I hit the ground hard. My knee skidded and thumped and hurt really bad. I ended up getting a rug-burn and a huge lump on my knee. I took a picture and sent it to my mom and one of the first things she said was “I think God is trying to tell you to slow down and you won’t listen so he has to get your attention someway”. She also brought up a good point that if I had two dogs outside it might have been a lot worse. I had to agree and laugh a little because as hard as these last few weeks have been I am starting to learn to listen to God. I am learning not to say “but” or “what about this” when God tries to tell me something. I fully believe that He is in control and that My life is better when I don’t question his plan but just go along. It is not easy but for the sake of my sanity and legs, it’s essential.

Oh and in more exciting news…tomorrow is trash day which means it is Thursday and that is one day closer to Friday and the weekend!!

Baby Dreams

I know I haven’t posted on this topic in a while, mostly because there wasn’t a lot to say. We had decided to take a break from the fertility treatments and for a while I was okay with that. I enjoyed getting to spend time with the hubs, run a marathon and make some extra money. I was okay that we were putting our dreams of starting a family on hold for a tbd time frame. I was okay with just being a dog parent ( I mean the Charles is the greatest)! I was okay until I had a dream that we had a brand new baby boy and well it rocked me a little. It brought back all of my desires of wanting to start a family now, all the feelings that I had tried to push away and ignore came crashing back. I love our family and if God doesn’t have children in His plans for us than I will have to trust him to be okay …but for now I can’t stand it.

I can’t stand it when I hear people who weren’t trying or didn’t want to get pregnant conceive. I can’t stand the thought of  having to wait years for this to happen to us. It is funny though, because as hard as it is to wait I am finding it easier to really trust God in this. The big thing that I have learned through the less than wonderful world of infertility is that no matter what I try to do or control it is all up to God and I trust Him with that. Everything in my life that I have tried to push and make happen never turns out right, yet I am a control freak and have a hard time letting go. However, everything that has happened in God’s timing are the best things in my life now! So yes, I can trust Him in this too. I would be lying though if I said that was easy.

So here I am waiting. Trying to be patient. Watching my friends get pregnant and have babies and yearning for the day that it is my turn (and I am ecstatic for all of them and the blessing God has given them). I am fighting hard not to jump ahead of God’s timing and quit my job and do everything I can to make it happen now!

I finish this job hopefully at the end of December and I am hoping we can start fertility treatments again. I still feel that my body is off and hasn’t returned to “normal” since the last treatment. I have a regular OB appointment in two weeks and I am really excited to see what is going on (I haven’t been checked out since the last round of treatment). I am nervous for the process and I am also hoping that it might be possible to start again before work is over. Ultimately though, I am trusting God and His perfect plan!

Well that’s all for now..I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday!

Dog bites and Horse pills..

 

Wow! Where have I been?? I seriously can’t believe a month has went by since my last post…so terribly sorry! Well work has been crazy busy and that’s about it. I haven’t been doing much besides working and coming home, hanging with the hubs and the Charles of course and training for a sprint tri (which is really hard with a busted knee). Yeah, I'm am hoping it is healed in the next few weeks or at least healed enough for three miles..yesterday I made it through two miles before the pain became too much to handle. I guess it’s more non-running exercise for me. Luckily we just bought road bicycles which surprisingly I am actually liking and with that and swimming I am still able to train for the other aspects of the sprint triathlon.

I did have one minor set back this week though and leaned a valuable lesson..don’t go running in the dark at 4:45 am with a German Shepherd on the loose. Usually I run (or lately attempt to run) after work but I had a dinner date with a friend so I decided to run around the neighborhood (I thought I was being smart since the neighborhood is where the street lights are). I was less than 1/2 a mile into my run when I turned the corner and heard the neighbors annoying German Shepherd barking. This didn’t surprise me at first because they always tie him up in the front yard and let him bark like crazy but I did think that it was a little early for it to be out. That is when I realized that it was running right at me and getting closer (too close to be on a leash). I heard the owner yelling at the dog and I panicked. Before I knew it he bit my leg hard. I screamed and he let go, the owner ran over and I was freaked. I really believe that the dog was surprised that he bit me and I am sure my panic spurred the attack.  The owner (who is the most irresponsible dog owner and always lets his dog poop in our yard) said that the dog was a police dog and he was trained to chase down and bite people.

I had no idea what to do but I did think it was odd because I knew the neighbor wasn’t a police man. I am still not sure but I am assuming the dog is a retired police dog that this family adopted. He said that no one is usually out but he still shouldn’t have left the dog off the leash.

Anyways, I ran straight home and by the time I got to the door I was sobbing and in shock. It didn’t hurt too much but I was just freaked. I was going to bandage it up and go to work but when I saw the damage I decided to call the hubs and see what he thought I should do. To make a long story short we decided that I needed to go to the base clinic but it was the only day that it opened later so I decided to go to work until I could get an appointment. Probably not the best idea since I was in a lot of pain and my leg was really swollen, but I didn’t want to sit at home. The hubs tired to go over to the neighbors house to get their phone number but we were unable to get a hold of them. While I was at work I found out that we had to go to the ER so that they could also file all the reports with animal control. I was almost in tears at the thought that anything would happen to the dog (i mean it was his owner’s fault) but they assured me that nothing would happen.

I got checked out and they gave me antibiotics (which are as big as horse pills..really) and bandaged me up. My mom thinks that I should make the family pay for the time off work that I missed but I don’t want it to turn into any big thing…What do you think? The owner said they would pay for my medical bills if the insurance doesn’t (which they are required to do). Would you make them pay for the day of work that you missed?

I am doing good now and my leg is healing up but I am still a little scared to go by their house with the dog there and I am not running that early in the morning anymore!

In other news we might get our first snow this week! Have a great Sunday :)

Marathon Recap and all that jazz

Here is the full recap of the full marathon..

I have also mentioned a lot recently that the hubs and I were running the Top of Utah marathon. I was super determined to run this race because I feel that I have been trying to accomplish running a marathon for about ½ a year now and things keep happening. So when we had a little snag in our training plan due to rolling our car, well that wasn’t going to stop us! Originally our farthest run before the race was going to be 23 miles (more than I had ever run)! We missed our 20 mile weekend so last weekend we opted to do 20 instead of 23 as not to injure ourselves. I had found in the past that drinking ZipFizz really helps keep my potassium in check since it has about 950 mg of potassium per serving. However, I kept forgetting to drink it the past few weeks and it wasn’t really bothering me so I didn’t bother with it. On Monday after the 20 mile run (this last Monday) I started getting muscle spasms in my chest and I knew it was due to a lack of potassium. I started downing the zipfizz like no other and almost went to the doc but decided not to. I was a little nervous for the race because I didn’t want anything bad to happen but the day before I felt pretty good (and like I said I was determined to run this race)!

The race was about an hour away from us so in an effort to save money we decided to get up at 3am on Saturday and head out so we could get there to pick up our packets before 4:30am. We had to park at the end spot and then we were going to get bussed up to the start. Both the hubs and I knew it was going to be cold so we purchased some cheap walmart sweats so that we could wear them that day and then shed them and not lose our nice stuff. I even sported my ear warmers and gloves because it was about 40-45 degrees…brrr! We got all squared away with our packets, changed into our racewear and got on the bus. As we were riding in the bus we passed our car and noticed that the light had been left on..oh no! I pointed it out to the hubs and he was like “oh well, I guess we will have to find someone to jump start us when we get back”. Um no! I knew that was the last thing either one of us would want to do once we were done with the race…we would just want to go home! However, I held my wifey tongue and then once we got close to the start destination the hubs had come up with a plan (he is very brilliant)! We ended up giving our keys to the bus driver who then returned down to where our car was and turned off the light, left the keys in the car and left one door unlocked. I was supper nervous the whole race that either our car or keys would be missing when we got done (but the driver was very nice and trustworthy)! Once we got up the top we had to wait about 45 minutes in before the race started and I was freezing so I convinced the hubs to go in the tent with the heaters and wait it out till the race started. It was supper cramped but totally worth it! Right before the race started we shed most of our sweats knowing that we would soon be getting warm.

Neither of us are really pre-race eaters but I was starving before it started. Luckily as we started to run my hunger decreased. I think I was getting a little overwhelmed at how many miles 26.2 actually is! We started out at a good pace and for the fist ½ there was a lot of gradual downhills with some up hills too (which helped our legs a lot). My goal was a sub 4 (less than 4 hours) and at the ½ way point we were at about a 8:50 average which was right on track. I was starting to really feel it though! At about mile 14 we had to stop to us the restroom (well I used the outhouse and the hubs used the side of the road)! The bad part is that once you pee it dehydrates you some..but it was coming out one way or another :) We then really started to take advantage of the aid stations and at least get water. I had a little bit of orange and a few bites of banana throughout because of the potassium thing. We didn’t use any gu’s even though they were provided (I don’t like them that much and didn’t really feel the need).

At mile 19 I was doing pretty good physically but the hubs was feeling dehydrated and not doing well. We stopped and walked some and it wasn’t getting better so he told me to go ahead. My time was slowly slipping away so I decided to press on. It was a hard decision because I really wanted to finish with him but I also wanted to see what I could truly run it in. By that time I was pretty sure I wouldn’t get a sub 4 but there was still a slight chance and if not I wanted to get as close to it as possible. Oh and one annoying part was that their mile markers were off about .2 of a mile the whole time so the whole course ended up being about 26.47 miles, not 26.2.

I did pretty well until I hit mile 20. I knew that as I pressed on from that point it was new territory and I was waiting to hit a wall. I think I psyched myself out because although I as feel okay physically (no major pains or cramps) I had a hard time pushing past the mental block. I ended up walking more than I would have like the last 5 miles. I was so happy to see the end! Since I knew the mile markers were off I decided to stop my watch when it hit 26.2 miles to see what my true time would be. I finished according to my watch time in 4 hours and 12 minutes. I crossed the final finish line in 4 hours and 17 minutes. I was happy just to completed it even though I didn’t make my goal..hey I was still standing!

From there I worried about the hubs till he crossed the finish line at 4 hours and 29 minutes! Way to go hubs! He did so amazing and I was so proud of him. After we found each other we drank some water and then headed to find our car. At that time I made the crucial mistake of not stretching..opps! We found our car (yay) and headed back down the hill. We stopped at the first McDonalds and got the largest diet coke they had and some food. About 30 minutes later we stopped at the sonic to get some more much needed diet DP.

We pretty much crashed the rest of the weekend. I can barely walk up the stairs right now and my legs will not stop twitching. I made another mistake yesterday and wore 4 inch heels to church..not good! By the time we were walking through costco my legs kept giving out. I have kept drinking the zipfizz and I am starting to do a little better! We are doing a light run today and I hope my legs hold out :) As we were running I kept thinking to myself..I am never doing this again! Yet as soon as we finished I started trying to figure out how I could do better next time. Yes, I know it’s a sickness! We looked at the local events last night and found some smaller ones (like 10k’s and 1/2s) to do in the next few months but the big event is going to be a sprint triathlon! I really hope we do because it sounds amazing, we just have to work out the logistics! Well that’s all..

Weekend in Review: A new job and my first Marathon..

As you probably have guessed (due to my lack of blogging and total fail of my 30 day goal) things have gotten quite busy as of late. Oh and before I forget I wanted to thank everyone for your encouragement and advice about going gluten free. Today actually starts my day 1 of 6 weeks gluten free. I was going to start last week when I posted but things got kind of crazy and I will get into it more as we go.

Let’s see…where to start. I have mentioned a couple of times that I have been looking for a job since we arrived in Utah. Since we all know how wonderful the job world is right now I wasn’t getting very far in my search. When we lived in NJ I had the most success landing a paycheck using staffing agencies. A few weeks ago I was getting desperate motivated and decided to check in with the local office of a staffing company that I had signed up for in NJ. I hadn’t had much luck with them in the past but hey it was worth a shot. I interviewed and the girl who I worked with was really nice.

Sidenote: I am learning that my best temp experiences come from the staffing companies where I like their associates (I know shocker but it took me a while).

Anyways, we really hit it off and she said that she has some good leads in mind for me. I really enjoy working in a bank environment and she had nothing but encouraging words for that. She also told me that if I didn’t hear from her in a week to call back and check in.

Fast forward to the next week..

I hadn’t heard anything and was planning on calling her the Friday of Labor day weekend. Well we all know how that weekend turned out for me :) So, since our plans were changed due to the accident and we were back home instead of in Bako, I went ahead and took the opportunity to call her. Just my luck the office had closed for the long weekend but I left a message with plans to call again on Tuesday. Tuesday morning I was pleasantly surprised to receive a call from my new BFF staffing agent. She said a new job had opened up with the corporate center of a national bank dealing with the merger they were going through and she thought of me first. I thought the job sounded ideal and didn’t mind that it would make me have a 40 minute commute. I went through the whole background check process but still wasn’t sure if I had the job or not because in the past they have always wanted an interview. Originally I was told by my new BFF staffing agent that I could possibly start on Monday but when it was Friday and still no word I called her back. Long story short no interview needed and I ended up starting on Wednesday. This just added to my crazy week of new-ness considering that this weekend was my first marathon and I was extremely nervous! To make matters more interesting I have been struggling with my low potassium levels this last week (prob due to my amount of running but I am going to go to the doc) and so on my first day of work I almost fainted and kept praying “please don’t let me faint on my first day!”.

Luckily I didn’t and all was good :) So far my new job has been pretty uneventful. It is based on the amount of work that we receive for this one project and since it is towards the end of the project there really isn’t that much work (which is why I am writing this as work right now). We received some work my first day but the rest of the time I have spent internet shopping and doing anything else I please to pass the time! It may sound nice but I would really prefer some work to make the time go by faster…oh well at least I am getting paid. This is supposed to be a long term assignment so I am hoping that they find other work and don’t just end it.

I am finally getting used to working full time again though and even when not doing anything productive I am happy to be working! All the people that I work with are really nice and fun to talk to! So that’s that about work.

Moving right along…I completed my first marathon this weekend! Yes, I am stoked except for the fact that my legs will not stop twitching! Stupid potassium problems..booo! I won’t leave you hanging for too long but I am going to provide the full recap in the next post. Just know that both the hubs and I are still in working order!

Have a great Monday!

Saying goodbye to my friend Gluten – Day 18/19

For any of you who have read my blog you know by now that we have been struggling with infertility. We stopped treatments when we moved to Utah at the end of June. After our last bout of injections and IUI’s I decided I needed a break. With the move and getting settled and starting a new job, the hubs and I aren’t ready quite yet to jump back into treatments. However, my yearning for a baby as not diminished! We were in church yesterday and I felt like we were surrounded by little babies and all the sudden I got so sad because the thought struck me that we may never be one of those couples.

During our treatment break I have been doing a lot of research and basically trying more natural ways to maybe get pregnant without having to go back to the RE. One of my biggest frustrations since stopping the treatments has been the fact that my stomach has remained supper bloated, my face has broken out a ton and I am cramping all the time. Due to the PCOS I don’t really ovulate on my own and I hardly ever have a true period. Last month (the first month off treatment) I ended up having a period on my own which gave me hope that maybe we could do this naturally (not that going back is bad or anything). After that period I started to take mucus thinning meds and tried to chart my temp but I wasn’t very consistent. I also didn’t have any noticeable cervical mucus during the whole month so it was kind of hard to chart my ovulation (if I ovulated at all). One thing I found out from my last RE is that my follicles don’t like to release the egg..grrr!

Anyways, right before the accident I started spotting very lightly and it lasted off and on for a few days. I really thought I might be starting my period but it was around day 21 of my cycle so I thought that was a little soon. I never ended up having my period but I did take a pregnancy test just out of curiosity at day 28 which turned out negative. As of now it is around day 34 of my cycle with no AF. I was hoping maybe all the drugs pumped into me had straightened my body out but so far it seems to be going back to it’s old ways only worse because now I have the after affects of the treatment to deal with!

For those of you who have gone through treatments and then stopped without a pregnancy did you deal with any of this? Did your body ever go back to the way it was before treatments?

So all this to say that I was doing some research last night and found several studies that link gluten intolerance to infertility. I was shocked..I know most of you probably already know this :) You see, my sister has PCOS and she found out about a year ago that she is gluten intolerant. She deals with other health issues too so I really didn’t think anything of it in regards to me. The symptoms that lead her to her diagnosis weren’t ones that I was having. However in my research last night it said that sometimes infertility can be the only symptom of gluten intolerance. Also, I have had stomach problems for many years and was diagnosed with IBS about 5 years ago. My issues come and go so I never really do anything about them. But as I was reading last night it dawned on me that my severally bloated tummy might be caused by some sort of gluten intolerance. According to my family doc although there is a test for celiac disease it isn’t a for sure and you can test negative and still be gluten intolerant.

I don’t know if going off gluten will help but I am willing to give it a try. It is kind of helpful that my sis has already been going through this because I am more aware of what does and does not contain gluten. This is going to be very hard because I love most everything that contains gluten. Oh how I am going to miss bread, muffins, cookies, cupcakes and all that yummy baked goods! Luckily most fro yo is gluten free!!

Well I guess I will see how it goes and in a couple months if there is no change then bring on the gluten again :)

Wish me luck because I am going to need it!

20 Miles and Forever 21 – Day 16/17

I know that I am kind of cheating by combining days but yesterday I had no motivation to write and well I just didn’t.

I am very happy and proud to announce that the hubs and I made it through our 20 mile run today and are still alive to tell about it :) I really do think the forced and unplanned rest of last week helped our run go smoother this week (when we were suppose to run 20 last weekend but apparently after rolling a car you aren’t allowed to run for 3 days). We got up at 5:30am and headed out the door at about 6am. It was still dark outside and the stars were amazing! We planned to do 2 miles (2 laps) around our neighborhood and then stop back, shed our gloves and long sleeves and headed out for the final 18 miles. It was amazing to see the gorgeous sunrise! I was very tempted to keep my long sleeves on because it was still very cold but I also knew that I would warm up soon and then be stuck with them.

We had done this route one other time before and this time went a lot better because I knew what to expect. The hubs did amazing, I was so proud of him especially since he is still dealing with itchy staples in his head! We didn’t have to walk or even take a drink until about mile 15 and then my hip was killing me so I knew it would be smart to give it a short break and walk for a minute. That really seemed to help and although I was hurting for the last 7 miles it wasn’t unbearable and we finished in good spirits! The main things that I looked forward to while we ran was a hot shower, oatmeal and some of the hubs sausage egg and cheese biscuit when we got back! We have the marathon next weekend and I am getting very nervous!

After we semi-recovered from the mornings festivities we headed down the road (about an hour down the road) to a very yummy cupcake place because I had to get a gift for a friend and of course we needed sugar :) There is a huge Forever 21 right by it and since it is rather far away I asked the hubs if he minded if we stopped there. He had to go to Best Buy so it worked out well. He dropped me at Forever 21 and then did his guy thing at Best Buy. Since he ended up finding what he wanted and had to wait to get it installed I got some extra shopping time…dangerous!

I ended up getting 3 pairs of shoes (one was on clearance), a dress, a sweater, and a necklace. There were so many good things it was hard to decide but I was also trying not to spend too much! It’s funny because this is totally a store for me that sometimes I can find so many good things and other times I find nothing.

Here are some of the things I bought:

They have them in brown too which I totally love but they only had the black in my size.

These are so so comfy!

I got these is a darker brown.

I also got a necklace but I couldn’t find a picture of it!

Well that’s my weekend so far..how is yours?

ANTM Love – Day 15

I just watched the season premier of America’s Next Top Model. I totally love this show! I know it’s catty and way too much drama but I don’t care…it’s one of my all time favorite shows :)

This season the girls seem even stranger than ever but I am sure that it will make it good entertainment. Well I don’t have much more to say besides that I can’t wait for the rest of the season. Oh and I am so obsessed that I almost tried out for the season where you had to be 5’7 or under (i’m 5’4) but well there was no follow through on that :)

And what season can’t be complete without the Jay’s..

Have a great thursday!