Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Then we took a trip to Vegas...
And you know what, it was life-changing. I know that sounds funny but I was taken away from the scale, from wondering if the hubs was going to get an e-mail telling our future for next year, and realizing that sometimes having just one child to chase around the casino's and restaurants is enough for now :) I gained what had been lost..perspective.
I think I was in a mind-set of "now or never" with life and it doesn't have to be that way. I got some quality time with my family (who met us there) and some good running times with the Hubs, which was long overdue since I hadn't ran since Christmas. I finally realized that no matter what, GOD is in control and I am NOT! He has a plan and it is my job to submit to that EVERY DAY.
The transforming part really didn't happen until I got home. After eating way too much the whole week I was dreading getting on the scale, not to mention on was on some fertility meds that I know have a history of making me gain weight. So what did I do..not weigh. And it was freeing! I had done a nutritional cleansing program when Hudson was 6 months old and had gained so much energy and health from it but had fallen off the wagon, so the Hubs and I decided to start it again together. I also decided to start working on a small business with the program and after many days of research was convicted that I needed to readjust my way of looking at food, not as the enemy but as fuel. I also decided to re-vamp the way we eat and make it as clean as possible since many of the things we eat are processed and contain GMO's which have been linked to infertility. We also learned we had another year before we moved so I could chill on that part :)
I now feel like so many weights have been lifted off me! Instead of worrying about the scale I am now focusing on nutrition and getting us as healthy as possible. Instead of vaguely wondering what God has for me I am making sure to approach him everyday and give that day to him (and on the days I forget I am quickly reminded how my former ways that I don't want to return to). Before we left I was depressed and angry and confused and scared...now I am at peace. All I have to say is we serve an amazing GOD who wants nothing but the best for us even when we don't understand or know what that is.
He is teaching me to THRIVE in the unknown and not WITHER. I am so blessed with what he has given me and even if we are never rich or only have one child or I weigh more than I did when I was 20, God has given us an abundant life and I am going to enjoy every bit of it.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Well folks it happened again..I fell off the blogging bandwagon :( As many of you know often times life gets in the way, good or bad, and well the blog gets pushed to the side. We have had a very busy couple of months (that I have been dying to write about) and often times I have to choose to blog or spend time with the Huds or just have a few moments of sanity. Apparently I never choose blogging :) On the good side though starting in January my schedule will be a lot more flexible and although Hudson has been extremely clingy, I am hoping to be disiplined enough to use at least one nap time a week to focus on my blog. With all that said I haven't stopped reading everyone else's blogs and I love getting to stay kind of connected; rejoicing in the good news and crying in the bad. On the crying note…I seem to not be able to stop lately! It is actually kind of annoying..a cute commercial, watching Grey's last night, a secret santa giveaway story on the radio on my way to work, and of course the latest horrific news of the children and adults lost in the CT shooting. So if you know me IRL I appologize right now because I never know what is going to start the next crying fest!
The hard part about waiting so long to update is that there is so much I don't know where to start! Since there is a lot of content to cover I am going to share first what has been biggest/hardest/whatever you want to call it stuff that has been the forfront of my world right now (besides my amazing son and hubs oh and charles), the B word. Yup the talk of a second baby. Now don’t get too excited, I'm not pregnant. But I do feel this is a story that I have to start from a few months ago and go in order so here it goes…
As many of you who have been reading my blog know (if there are any left reading) it took the Hubs and I about 3 years and many fertility treatments later to get pregnant with our adorable Hudson almost naturally (I will never say God doesn’t have a sense of Humor or can't work Miracles but I am getting a head of myself). When Hudson was two months old the Hubs left for a 6 month deployment (Jan 2012). During that time the thought of another baby while doing the single parent thing was the farthest thing from my mind, not to mention since the Hubs was gone it was pretty much impossible. Selfishly I had lost the baby weight plus the extra 10 pounds I had gained to help get pregnant and I was enjoying having my body back to myself (Hudson had decided on his own that he was done nursing at 5.5 months). I also wanted to enjoy the time as a family of 3 when the Hubs got back from his deployment. We really hadn't had a chance to get used to our bigger family before he left so there was an adjustment period as well as me learning how to let go of certain ways of doing things (it's hard to adjust to co-parenting after being a single parent for the majority of your 9 month old's life). However, the Hubs really makes it easy for me to adjust and I was so happy to have him back and have the extra help with Hudson that I don't think I really even noticed the transition that much. Although it is hard to go that long without seeing him we got spoiled when he returned and had about a month with just him before he had to go back to work.
Now is where I might start with the TMI on female issues so If you don't want to hear it you can stop reading…
Consider yourself farily warned..
Even though I had stopped nursing Hudson when he was around 5 1/2 months my period didn't return. I wasn't surprised since it had completely stopped when I was 19 and only returns as a result of medication. I had breifly thought though that maybe the pregnancy would have fixed some things..I guess not. I really really don't mind not having a period when we aren't trying to get pregnant but when we are it is the most discouraging and frustrating thing! A few weeks before Josh got back I started cramping a lot and having a lot of lower back pain, so bad that it would wake and keep me up at night (and for those of you who have little ones you know how much you covet your sleep). I knew that things would be busy with Josh returning and all the activities we had planned at home and away. I was also training for the San Fran 1/2 marathon so I thought it might be related and didn't really feel like finding someone to watch hudson while I went to go get check out so I put it off. In the meantime Josh returned from his deployment, we had a wonderful time in San Fran and the 1/2 was so much fun. We also enjoyed a lot of quality family of three time.
In August I was having severe sinus issues and while at one of my doctors appointments I mentioned the cramping and pain. She sent me to the OB on base who gave me some suggestions but none that I was thrilled about. From there the Hubs and I decided to go ahead and start trying for the second one earlier than we had planned. I went to the OB that had delivered Hudson and did one round of clomid which didn't work. I then went to an RE that I really like and since I was training for the AF marathon in September he wanted me to wait until after that to start anything. After the marathon I did a round of pills and shots and an IUI. I got the stomach flu the day before Hudson's big 1st birthday party (one week into the two week wait) which gave me hope that it might have worked since I hardly ever get sick like that (I blame it on daycare). However that cycle didn't work either.
The RE wanted to see us before we did anything else to discuss some new test results. I knew that was not good news and that IVF would be brought up. I have nothing against IVF but I also knew that we can't afford it right now and both Josh and I felt that God was telling us to wait on it. Just as I had thought, results from a test done before the IUI showed that without IVF our chances of getting pregnant right now are about 2%. Not good. We found out that it wasn't just me with the issues and that where mine could be helped with medication, the Hubs couldn't and that if we wanted to have a second baby IVF was really our only option. I cried a lot and we were both devastated but it also showed us what a miracle baby Hudson is. We knew when we were finally pregnant with Hudson that it was God's plan and that he was our little miracle since we had tried for so long, but until this appointment neither of us knew how true that was! Although the news was new to us the condition had been there all along. In the midst of the hurt of this news all I could think of was the God is Good and what an amazing gift he has given us with Hudson!
We decided at that point we would stop all fertility treatments and try and accept that we would only have one child (as more time passes though this is getting harder and harder to accept). And pray a lot that God would give us another miracle baby if it was His plan. I also decided to stop working so that I didn't miss anything with Hudson. I have to say that has been one of the best decisions so far! This little guy is so much fun and cracks me up everyday!
I am really hoping to get back into blogging because I miss it and it is the easiest way to document these struggles and keep friends and family in the loop. There is more to this story that I will be posting later this week but I didn't want to make this any longer for right now.
And I couldn't end without some cute pics of the Huds :)
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
- Hudson is now 10.5ish months and I can't believe he is so close to a year! He doesn't even look like a baby anymore :) He pulls himself up on everything and can stand on his own for about 5-10 seconds before he sits down. He has totally started cruising on furniture and I know walking is just on the horizon. I know everyone says that life gets even more crazy then but he is so active already and is a super fast crawler that I can't really see it getting any worse (I guess you will have to ask me in a few months)! He is such a fun little guy though and is always smiling. He is not shy at all and loves to "talk". It cracks me up that whenever he sees his reflection he says hi :)
He recently learned how to climb the stairs so no place is safe anymore (we do have baby gates but they don't fit and we haven't had time to exchange them).
- the hubs is back from his deployment and it is so amazing to have him back! He did, however, start a new job on base so we never see him and i still feel like a single parent 75% of the time but at least he is home :)
- I started working part time (20 hours a week) which we are starting to get the hang of. Huds goes to a home based daycare 2.5 days a week and I think he enjoys being around other kids. I am enjoying working some And am very grateful to have this opportunity that doesn't take me out of the house and away from my baby all week :) the first week was tough but the second week went better which gives me hope :)
- back in January the hubs and I signed up to run the AF marathon (my second full marathon) and decided to make a big trip out of it since his family lives in the area the race was. Due to the hubs being deployed for most of the training time and trying to train with a baby we really fell behind. I was really nervous but the hubs kept telling me that we would just have fun, that it would be a good time just the two of us for 4-5 hours. That was great until he came home a few weeks before and said due to work stuff he isn't able to get the time off and I would have to go by myself. Both of us were not happy but i made myself get over it (or at least seemed like I was) and this weekend Hudson and I headed to Ohio and although I had only trained up to 12-13 miles I made it through the marathon and the plane rides with a 10 month active boy and don't want to have to do it again :) I am planning on posting a longer race recap so get ready for that!
Well although there is so much more I can talk about I am going to save that for another time :) I'm not sure if anyone checks this anymore but I thank you if you do and please know that I have been loving reading your blogs!
Friday, April 27, 2012
Hudson will turn 6 months on the third and I can't believe my baby is getting so old! He changes so much day by day and luckily we get to Skype with the hubs daily so he gets to see most of the changes :) we have been really busy and I was going to recap everything but instead I think I am going to start fresh and just go from here on out. I will say though that when the hubs is away it is true everything breaks or you get a flat tire or get in a car accident inside a car wash or your baby rolls off the bed twice in one week and you realize you can no longer leave him unsupervised unless he is on the floor or secured in the jumper or swing :) however now that he has almost started to crawl I am sure the floor option will be gone soon too!
Anyways, I am not sure if anyone reads this anymore but if you do just know that I have still been reading blogs just not commenting or writing anything. We do have a lot of fun stuff coming up that I hope to blog about and I am planning on doing a recap of my first 1/2 marathon since the birth of Hudson that took place last week.
But no post would be complete without some pictures of my little man (I am hoping they show up since I haven't used this app before)!
Monday, February 6, 2012
I can not believe that it has been three months since I have posted something! It would be an understatement to say that our life has been a little busy as of late. Where to even begin?? Well since the last post was on Hudson’s birth story I will ease your mind and let you know that Hudson just turned 3 months and is doing great!
One of the biggest changes in our daily life (besides having a little adorable baby requiring lots of attention) is that now I am a single parent. Now before anyone freaks out I am still happily married but the hubs just happens to be on the other end of the globe right now which leaves me as a single parent for the next 6 months. You see about 8 months into my pregnancy, just when the hubs had returned from his final summer all expense paid military vacation and I thought we were in the clear for a while regarding him being away, he comes home from work and drops that news that every military wife dreads hearing - deployment. Not to mention that I was 8 months pregnant so that meant he would be leaving shortly after Hudson was born.
We still kept all of the plans that we had made for the holiday season and decided to make the most of the time we had together as a family of three (or four including the Charles) before the Hubs headed out. He was scheduled to leave anywhere between mid-december and mid-january so we all prayed for the mid-january so that he could celebrate Hudson’s first christmas with him. Luckily our prayers were answered and the hubs didn’t have to leave till mid-january..yay! As thrilled as we all were to get the extra time together, we also jam packed the time which is why you haven’t heard from me in soooo long! So without further ado I am going bullet point style and recaping these last three months (don’t pee your pants in excitement!)
- November 3rd our darling Hudson was born (best day ever I might add)
- My mom had arrived the week before his birth and stayed two weeks. My dad and sis joined us on the final week of my mom’s stay and everyone’s world revolved around Hudson.
- Hudson experienced his first Faux hawk
- the day my family left my MIL arrived and a few days later my SIL joined us for a small family thanksgiving. There was turkey, there was brisket (yes you read that right), there was all the fixings and most importantly there was Hudson in his turkey best :)
- Once thanksgiving was over and the family had all left we got in the car and made the cross-country trek to Washington DC for my FIL retirement from the Air Force. This was Hudson’s first car trip and he did amazing. It is crazy to think that this boy has been more places in his 3 months of life than I had been at 18 years old! We were in DC for about a week and then headed back to Utah. Here are some pics from the trip (although I hardly got any).
- While we were in DC we were able to meet up with some good college friends which we have already drafted the paperwork for our new little bundles to be wed when the reach the marrying age (not really but I am sure that is what we will continually tell them!)
- On December 3rd Hudson turned a month old
- Hudson also got to experience his first ride on the Charles
- We had about two weeks at home before the hubs family came for Christmas. During this time the hubs left for a short training trip and this was my first time with just me, Hudson and Charlie. It was a reality check for what was to come for sure! I did have a mini meltdown as to how I was going to handle it once the hubs really left but after crying to my mom and getting past the first day it wasn’t too bad.
- We had an amazing time with the hubs family and a pretty low key but great christmas! And of course as with most of everything now it all revolved around Hudson :)
- The week after the hubs family left we had Hudson dedicated and had amazing love and support from our Home group out here :)
Well I don’t want to make this post supper long so I am going to continue the catch up in the next post..
Also, I am going to try to blog on a weekly basis about my experience as being a single parent during the first 8 months of Hudson’s life and how it is to have the hubs deployed (part for my record and part to help anyone else in this situation, military or not).
Hopefully you haven't all already taken me off you read list :)
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Go here to read Part 1 of Hudson’s birth story…
Within about 5 minutes of starting the petocin I noticed my contractions started to get 5 times worse. From talking to people and the research I did while pregnant I knew that it changes the intensity of the contractions but I still wasn’t prepared for the pain to come. The nurse had warned me that if I even thought I wanted to epidural any time soon to tell her right away since they had to give me fluid first and that would take about 30 minutes. I ended up giving her the go ahead way sooner than I wanted to but the pain was already bad and I the idea of waiting past 30 minutes wasn’t too appealing. They went ahead and started the fluid as well as the penicillin (since I was strep B positive). The whole day before my water broke I had thrown up several times and once we got to the hospital I was a little worried because I really didn’t want to have to deal with getting sick and having contractions. I only threw up once at the hospital and just felt sick to my stomach after that.
Also, as I had mentioned before, I was having mostly back labor and once the intensity of the contractions started to get worse I really was only feeling it mostly in my lower back (which felt like it was being ripped apart). The nurse said it was probably due to Hudson’s position and she suggested that I try and stand up and sway my hips to get him to move and help my pain management.
Nothing really seemed to help but it did feel better to stand. The hubs was great and tried to push on my hips at different pressure points during the contractions. I had originally said that I didn’t want any other type of pain medication except the epidural (since it tends to make me sick) but once they told me that due another girl needing an epidural before me (she came in at 7cm) mine was going to be delayed, I asked for anything to help. Whatever pain meds they gave me did seem to take the edge off but they also made me very dizzy. I would try to sit down between contractions but since they were coming like every minute I didn’t really have much of a break. It was funny because as bad as the pain was and as much as I thought I couldn’t make it one more minute, the time seem to pass fairly quickly.
I ended up having to wait an extra 2 hours to get the epidural but once they came it to do the procedure I was beyond happy. It didn’t really hurt and I wasn’t even scared because I was in so much pain I didn’t really care. I can’t even explain how much better I felt once it started to kick in. I was able to move my legs some but I couldn’t feel anything.
The nurse came to check my progress and while she was doing that she accidently broke the rest of my water (only part of it had broken before). At that point I was about 6 cm so she said she would come check me in about an hour. I think I napped some during that hour, texted friends and just relished the fact that I wasn’t in pain anymore :) When the nurse came back in to check me I was fully dilated. Apparently I progressed really fast after the rest of my water broke. She said that she would call my doctor to let him know and then be back for me to do some practice pushes.
I remember at that point being a little freaked that pretty soon Hudson would be in my arms. I was a little scared but there was no going back! She came back in and had me start pushing. After about 3 pushes she said she wanted me to stop and wait for the doctor because she didn’t want to end up delivering the baby. I had to sit there feeling a lot of pressure while they came in and set up my room for the delivery. I was in a birthing suite so I stayed in the same room the entire time. The doctor arrived and had me start pushing again. I pushed through about 2 contractions and Hudson’s heart rate started to drop which made them concerned that the cord was wrapped up somewhere around him. I pushed a couple more times and they could see him crowning. They said he had a lot of hair and I was convinced in my mind that it was dark hair.
Since his heart rate was still dropping the doctor informed me that he had to get him out quick and needed to do an episiotomy. I was not thrilled but I wanted what was best for Hudson. I pushed two more times and he was out. It was so amazing and unreal to see him for the first time and I was shocked by his full head of blond hair. I remember thinking “he doesn’t look anything like I thought he would”.
The took him to get cleaned up and I watched as the doctor stitched me up. Once I finally got to hold him and was so in love and in disbelief that he was actually here.
The rest of the stay went really well. Every nurse that we had was amazing and we were very well taken care of. We had to stay for 48 hours after the birth to monitor him and I started to go a little stir crazy but overall it was nice to be there that long because they were able to answer any questions that came up. Luckily Hudson caught onto breastfeeding pretty quickly. I was a little sore the first few days on one side but it wasn’t as bad as I had thought.
The first day home the Charles had a little bit of a hard time adjusting. He would run over to Hudson every time he would make a noise and we had to lock him out of our room the first night. After that though he has done really well and I know they will soon be best friends :)
I have recovered pretty well too. The stitches were the worst part and I think for about a week and a half every time I sat down I wanted to cry. It has gotten a lot better though and I think the stitches are pretty much gone as well as the bleeding.
I meant to type this earlier but we have been having too much fun! I can’t believe he is already 2 1/2 weeks old. Every day is totally different than the last and we are loving every minute of it (even the sleepless ones)!
Friday, November 11, 2011
Okay so I really wanted to get this written down before I forgot it all, however with a brand new baby and family being in town I haven’t gotten to actually think about writing it till now. So here it goes..
I realize the last two weeks I wasn’t very good about posting updates but mostly because nothing really happened and I was in denial that I would go till the 40 week mark. When I went for my 38 week appointment I was 80% effaced and my cervix was closed. At my 39 week appointment I was dilated 1cm (he didn’t say anything about how effaced I was). However, at that appointment the doc said he wouldn’t be surprised if I had him that week. I seriously did everything I could to speed along the process. All which included running 3 miles, bouncing on the exercise ball for hours, eating spicy food, walking 30 miles a week and trying to relax since everyone kept saying that the more I worry about it the more it would delay him coming.
My mom was getting in the Thursday before my due date and so once she arrived I was convinced that he would come any day. Each day that went by was torture (this kid is a serious mover and never left my ribs)! Originally the doctor had told me that he wouldn’t induce me till a week after the due date and by the time my 40 week appointment came I really couldn’t imagine being pregnant for another week. My appointment was on Wednesday November 2nd and my due date was the next day. I had been really crampy and tired the day before the appointment (Tuesday) and the day of the appointment I woke up really sick. I had lost my mucus plug earlier that week but I continued to lose more each day. For my last two appointments the doc had scraped my membranes so I was really hoping all the sickness was a sign that labor was soon to come.
When we got to the doctor I was sure he was going to say I was 3cm dilated or something and ready to have this baby. Instead he said I was maybe a 1 1/2 and was about 90% effaced. At that point I begged him to induce me asap. Since my cervix was soft enough he agreed that I would be okay to be induced and we scheduled it for the next morning (thursday) at 5:30am. I was really relieved and a little in shock that no matter what Hudson was coming the next day. My mom was with me for the appointment and after we ran errands and met the hubs for lunch. I was really not feeling good and after I threw up in the parking lot I was convinced that I had caught the flu or something and I was concerned that they wouldn’t let me be induced if I was sick.
Even though I wasn’t feeling great we got everything ready for the next morning, took the charles to a friends house and went to bed early. I got up around 12:30 and threw up one more time and as I was returning to bed I prayed for God to confirm that we were doing the right thing. I so wanted to meet the little guy but I also didn’t want to rush it or make it harder for him or me by being induced. I drifted back asleep and was awoken at about 1:15 to my water breaking. At first I wasn’t sure it was that but I got up and ran to the bathroom and more came out and confirmed that it was my water and not pee. At that point I was super excited and a little freaked. I woke the hubs up and let my mom know what was going on. I was so glad we had already dropped the Charles off so we didn’t have to worry about what to do with him.
I knew it would be a while before I got a shower so I took a quick one and put on makeup (don’t judge). I also got some food to eat on the way since I knew I wouldn’t get to eat for a while.
By the time we left for the hospital the contractions had started and they were about 5 minutes apart. I could tell right away that it was back labor since the pain was mostly in my back and the lower part of my abdomen. Once we arrived at the hospital they took me back to confirm that my water had broke and start getting me set up. The nurse said that it hadn’t completely broken but they had to wait till the doctor came to break the rest (since they weren’t allowed to break it). They also wanted to speed up contractions so they started me on petocin.
stay tuned for part 2..