Okay so i know i am a little late in posting about or even taking part in Lent for 2010. Usually I don’t give up anything.. It’s not that i don’t believe in it or think it is important because I do, it’s just that i’m lazy! I’m not going to lie, each year i try and think of something to give up that i rely on instead of God and well when i think of giving it up i quickly turn and run the other direction. I have been praying a lot about what to do this year (and yes i realize that it has already started) but every time i thought of something and prayed about it, it just didn’t feel like it was the right thing.
Then today while i was running (i do my best thinking while running) I thought of something unique that would really be a challenge for me and would cause me to rely on God a lot during this time. It’s a little different than what i normally thought of when participating in lent (i.e. giving something up). In my case I am going to be adding something. That’s why i am calling it Reverse Lent..hehe! So what am I adding to my life you ask??
Well let me revel my big brilliant idea (or more like God’s that he stuck in my head and luckily i was listening)..
I have mentioned before about my realization that I need to eat more, especially with all this running and hoping to get prego when the hubs gets back from deployment. I have lived many years in the land of calorie deprivation and finally my body had enough. My mom is one of my biggest cheerleaders but she is also worried about me and is trying without being too pushy to get me to eat more. When had a good conversation after my 1/2 marathon on Saturday and it has had me thinking ever since about what to do. I have been eating a lot more than i have been for the last 7 years but still not enough for all that I am doing right now.
So while I was running today I decided that for Lent I would have to eat the total calories that I need for the day, Every Day, for the next 40 days not matter how my body changes. For example, my base calories for my weight is about 1200-1300 (i’m saying 1200) and then I have to add what I burned during running that day. Today I burned around 600 calories so I had to eat 1800 today (1200+600). To be honest I am scared. Scared to gain weight, scared to let go my control, scared to face the mirror and scale, just plain terrified. But when I asked myself what I turned to instead of God, well it is controlling my eating and doing whatever I can to stay thin. During this time I will really have to lean on God and turn to him because this is going to be hard!
I am not looking forward to gaining weight or having to buy bigger clothes but i have to face the reality that it is going to happen if i want to be healthy and continue to run and have babies. Since I have been eating so little for so long (and when say little i mean 600-800 calories a day for about 6 years) my metabolism is screwed up badly! I am hoping that eventually it will all balance out but i can worry about that right now..i just have to accept it! This is a time I am going to use to not only make me healthy but also learn to completely rely on God for everything (and not my jean size or the number on the scale).
So there you have it. I am telling you because i know it will keep me accountable and make me do it! Today was my first day and quite frankly, I am tired of eating and I still have more to eat before the day ends! Wish me luck :)