Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Another Month with no Bambino

It’s much as I knew it probably wouldn’t happen this month, as much as I kept telling myself (and the hubs) not to get our hopes up and as much as I tried not to plan for the “what-if’s” all in an effort for it to be less painful, less disappointing; it didn’t make any difference.

Today I took a pregnancy test and was greeted by the dreaded BFN. Shocker..I know.

The reason that I took the test is because today is my last day of progesterone for this month and I needed to be sure I wasn’t pregnant before I stopped taking it. I tried so hard this month not to get my hopes up, especially with all the confusion on when to take the progesterone. I don’t even think I ovulated..yet it still was really hard to see those words. I think I was really nervous all night because I didn’t sleep well and had a dream that we got a positive test. Unfortunately it was only and dream and it has yet to become a reality.

The last few days I had allowed myself to plan what we would do if it was positive and although it made it harder I don’t regret it because it helped keep my sanity. However, I kept warning the hubs that we shouldn’t be planning anything because when we do it always turns out negative.

I was very down this morning and really didn’t want to go to bible study. However, I went and God used that time to show me that it is not all about me and my wants or desires. Not that they are bad but he might have other plans. I feel a little better now and I am excited about what he has in store for us. I just wish I could shake the feeling that it is one more month lost or one more month closer to realizing it is never going to happen. Sorry but that is the honest truth. I think I am struggling with what to pray. I know that God tells us to ask for the desires of our hearts but I also know that He has a plan for my life and I have submitted to do His will. Right now I am praying for a little bambino (and soon)but I am also praying that if He has something else for us to change the desires of our hearts.

Anyways, I didn’t mean to be such a downer today I just wanted to keep you all in the loop as to what is going on here. I feel like I have a decent game plan for next month and then if we are still not pregnant I will start the process of seeing the RE again (well a new one) and probably starting a more aggressive treatment plan. I think right now though the Charles and I are going to cuddle on the couch and have some quality mommy/puppy bonding time while catching up on shows :)


  1. I'm sorry! I know the feeling...and it's one that's hard to comfort. I'll continue praying for you, and I'll leave you with a quote that I fell in love with during my struggle with infertility...
    "For the greater the difficult to be overcome, the more it would be seen to the glory of God how much can be done by prayer and faith..." - George Muller

    "But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint" Isaiah 40:31

  2. Give a big hug to the Charles. I know it's hard. Wishing you luck next month.

  3. Thinking of you and praying for you and knowing that your baby is coming in God's perfect timing!

  4. Hi! I just randomly came across your blog, but something you said reminded me so much of me when my husband and I were trying. You said, "it is one more month lost or one more month closer to realizing it is never going to happen." I have been there, at this place. However, one day I decided to start looking at my circumstances through new eyes. Yes, it didn't happen this month. But, it's also one month closer to happening, right? I meditated on Phil 4:13. Read this verse, see if it helps. That is what I prayed every day. And, when I couldn't pray myself, I asked other people to pray.


  5. your not a downer - this was a very real, honest post. you have such a wonderful outlook on life, even when sometimes things aren't working out just the way you want. thanks for sharing

  6. hi sweetie, thinking of you and i know God is going to show you the right way, whether it be happy or hard. glad you could get some tlc from your pup and looking forward to seeing you soon! xo!