Well today we are officially at the 1/2 way mark of the 2ww. I have to admit that I am totally stoked yet scared to death at the same time! I feel like all of this has happened so fast. I was fully expecting to go through the shots and monitoring and all that fun stuff before we got to this point again! Now, don’t get me wrong..I am totally not complaining! Just still a little shocked maybe. Also this is the first time we have done an IUI. This might sound weird but part of me feels like I cheated the system because I produced the follicle on my own and the other part of me feels like this little follicle isn’t good enough because it wasn’t chemically simulated…weird huh? I think it is because so far this is all I have known that has made my dream of becoming a mom even close to a reality.
However, when I start thinking these thoughts or freaking out I am learning that if I stop and pray and remind myself that God already knows our future kids and when they are going to be formed in my body and nothing I do on my own will change that, it helps a lot. I am so thankful that my life and our future children’s lives are in God’s hands!
But being the OCD worrier that I am, I finding that this week has been filled with second guessing and analyzing all the little twinges, upset stomachs, amount of trips to the bathroom and anything else that can mimic the symptoms of pregnancy. I have found that I have been a lot hungrier than normal and I get so hungry all the sudden that my stomach feels nauseous and then I eat and i’m good for a few minutes and then it starts again…I honestly think it is stress. I also know that everyone’s symptoms, 2ww and overall pregnancies are different so I can’t freak out when my 2ww is not going the same way as others that I read about. Oh and thank you all for you support and kind words..it means the world to me!
The hubs and I have been trying to be very careful about not thinking I am already preggo (because it could really go either way and I am not optimistic). I do have to admit though that we sometimes forget. It’s hard not to get my hopes up. It’s hard not knowing! It’s comforting to know that if we don’t get pregnant this time we will be in the area for one more cycle before we leave and the nurse assured me that if that was the case they were going to change some of my meds to hopefully make the next time be THE ONE!
So the big question that I know all of you are wondering (or more likely those of you who know what i am babbling on and on about)..
Am I going to POAS (pee on a stick)??
honestly no. unless for some reason I get an overwhelming urge to do it the night before I think I am going to wait for the dr’s results. I am too scared to face another BFN and since that is all I am ever seen on the stick I can’t imagine it any other way.
But you better believe that if the nurse calls with the wonderful news I am racing to the store and buying one so that I can finally see that + or second line or work “pregnant”! I guess we will just have to wait and see!
One week left…
can i handle it????
Well yes but I am ready for it to be over! …Stay tuned :)