Sunday, October 31, 2010

Baby Dreams

I know I haven’t posted on this topic in a while, mostly because there wasn’t a lot to say. We had decided to take a break from the fertility treatments and for a while I was okay with that. I enjoyed getting to spend time with the hubs, run a marathon and make some extra money. I was okay that we were putting our dreams of starting a family on hold for a tbd time frame. I was okay with just being a dog parent ( I mean the Charles is the greatest)! I was okay until I had a dream that we had a brand new baby boy and well it rocked me a little. It brought back all of my desires of wanting to start a family now, all the feelings that I had tried to push away and ignore came crashing back. I love our family and if God doesn’t have children in His plans for us than I will have to trust him to be okay …but for now I can’t stand it.

I can’t stand it when I hear people who weren’t trying or didn’t want to get pregnant conceive. I can’t stand the thought of  having to wait years for this to happen to us. It is funny though, because as hard as it is to wait I am finding it easier to really trust God in this. The big thing that I have learned through the less than wonderful world of infertility is that no matter what I try to do or control it is all up to God and I trust Him with that. Everything in my life that I have tried to push and make happen never turns out right, yet I am a control freak and have a hard time letting go. However, everything that has happened in God’s timing are the best things in my life now! So yes, I can trust Him in this too. I would be lying though if I said that was easy.

So here I am waiting. Trying to be patient. Watching my friends get pregnant and have babies and yearning for the day that it is my turn (and I am ecstatic for all of them and the blessing God has given them). I am fighting hard not to jump ahead of God’s timing and quit my job and do everything I can to make it happen now!

I finish this job hopefully at the end of December and I am hoping we can start fertility treatments again. I still feel that my body is off and hasn’t returned to “normal” since the last treatment. I have a regular OB appointment in two weeks and I am really excited to see what is going on (I haven’t been checked out since the last round of treatment). I am nervous for the process and I am also hoping that it might be possible to start again before work is over. Ultimately though, I am trusting God and His perfect plan!

Well that’s all for now..I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday!


  1. My BFF is going through the same thing. Praying for you.

  2. Oh sweet girl, I just know that God has a wonderful plan for y'all and I can't imagine it not including children. I'm praying you receive your little blessing in His time and that He'll give you a deep peace during your wait. xoxo

  3. I have been thinking of you lately and was wondering how you were doing. I know it's so hard to hear and alot easier for me to say but you are right. God has a plan. I know that you will make a wonderful mother.. Hopefully very very soon! :)

  4. I'm praying for you too! I think your attitude of trusting in God's timing is wonderful though. You're right, His timing is always best.

  5. Trusting God is the only thing that won't fail you, I promise. I'm lifting you up in some extra special prayers, my friend. He'll give you the desires of your heart in a time more perfect than you can imagine.

  6. Its so hard to "know" you are never going to have a baby.
    I have watched all my friends and family grow up and have babies.
    We have convinced ourselves that children were not gods plans for us.
    And we are ok with that, but it takes a while to get there TRUST ME! And the waiting and hoping will make you stronger as a couple...
    Chin up
    What is meant for you will not pass you by