I just love it when things I read in my devotions speak directly to things I am dealing with at the moment. I find that if I don't dig into God's word or read my choice devotional for that day in the morning I won't get around to it. So I have been making sure that even if it is only 10 minutes in the morning, and even if I don't feel like it or have a million other things on my mind, that I take the time to spend some time with God. Several years ago my sister gave me an extra copy of "My Utmost for His Highest" and although it is falling apart I can read it over and over and get something new out of it every time. It is one of my main morning reads right now. I also try to pick a book in the Bible to read but lately I have been slacking on that part.
Anyways, although I have been diligent in my reading I have still felt kind of far away from God. I feel like I have had so many things going on in my head that I can't concentrate on what I am reading or God is trying to say. You know when you just feel like things are clicking or it just takes a lot of effort to get anything out of it..well that was me..and yet I read on.
The last couple days though things have started to become effortless again. I have felt like each day I have been able to relate and come away with something pertaining to my current issues. Not only that but I have seen or recognized God move in my life more. I just love it when this happens. I do realize that as God's children we go through dry spells where we feel far away from Him, and he has a purpose for that, but I have to admit how much I love it when the rain comes!
This morning I think it hit me the most. As you probably have been able to tell from my last few posts, I have a lot of different issues I am dealing with right now. Two of the main issues (besides the baby one) have been body image and making friends and missing my old friends (more on that to come). I have been struggling a lot with my mental attitude towards my body, especially as I am still dealing with the after-effects of the fertility treatments with no baby right now. Without even realizing it I have been placing so much time and energy (both mentally and physically) on getting back to my "pre-treatment" body. The funny thing is that we are going to be starting treatments again soon so I really don’t know why I am doing this to myself! But even more so, I am realizing that if I am wrapping up all my mental and physical energy in this one area (and putting too much emphasis on it) then God can't use me where he wants to. When I was driving home yesterday and listening to KLUV the DJ said something that really stuck with me, he was talking about the show "the biggest loser" and said "turn off the tv and facebook or myspace or anything that makes you dislike your body because God can use you no matter what and he isn't concerned with that"….this is my paraphrase. The hubs and I were just talking about this yesterday ..which is another discussion altogether but he was a great encouragement to me. Then today while I was reading "My Utmost for His Highest" for the day of Nov. 4th I came to the end and God reminded me of his priorities:
"The last thing we do is come; but everyone who does come knows that that second the supernatural rush of the life of God invades him instantly. The dominating power of the world, the flesh and the devil is paralysed, not by your act, but because your act has linked you on to God and His redemptive power."
Now I know that for me I usually have to re-read the passages from this book several times to understand what the author is saying. But this time it really hit me that I don’t' need to be afraid to give my body image issues over to God because although it might not be the outcome I see as best right now…I will never be able to argue that God's plan and his redemptive power and the power to change what I think is beautiful and acceptable is way better than my own efforts.
Anyways just remember that even when God feels very far away he is still right there with you and just wait because when he reveals himself to you again it is totally worth the dry spell.
Have a great Friday!!