note ** if you haven’t yet read the previous post first or else you might be a little confused!
Sorry to leave you all in suspense so here comes the rest of the story…
The first few days back in bako I made plans with friends via text message (gotta love technology) and made my sister tag along with me every where else so that she could interpret my points and grunts as well as explain to people that I was not trying to be rude I just couldn’t talk! I learned that I could put on the numbing medication and be good to talk for about about 20 minutes but at minute 21 the pain overtook and my mouth became unusable once again :( Which was really bad when talking to people because I would be just getting into a conversation with them when the pain would hit and then it would be hard to explain that although I was talking normally just one second ago suddenly I was unable to continue the conversation…awkward!
Each morning I would wake up praying that my mouth would at least feel somewhat better, at least then I would know that I would eventually heal! All of my friends and family were very understanding but I was getting so tired of surviving on yogurt and grunts!
Finally midweek I started to feel some relief!!! halleluiah I might not permanently be stuck like this!! As the days progressed my tongue started to slowly heal and I was even able to start enjoying some of the yummy food that I had been deprived of for so long! (it’s a great diet but totally not one I would recommend!) Luckily I had made most of my plans with friends for the second week in bako (since the hubs would be back in NJ and I wouldn’t feel bad about ditching him). By the time week two came I had almost full use of my mouth again. It was so amazing to get to talk and catch up with so many friends. I’m sure my family had mixed emotions about this because as you can imagine I had been stuck holding in all of my thoughts and comments for almost two weeks and boy did it feel good to let them out! I wouldn’t be surprised if the fam didn’t at some point secretly hope that I would relapse so that they could experience some sense of silence again! But for the most part I think they were truly glad this had mostly passed. I can tell you I have never appreciated simple things such as chewing and talking more than I did then! Which brings me to my next point…
As horrible and painful this experience was it taught me some very valuable lessons!
One of the hardest parts of not living in bako is not being able to attend the church there. I absolutely adore the pastor, he is one of the rare pastors that I have really connected with and found that within a minute of him speaking I want to dive right into my bible and not look back. I was truly blessed to be able to spend three wonderful sundays listening to him and growing closer to God while I was in bako. On the last sunday I was there he spoke about the necessity of solitude and silence. having just come out of my own crash course on that subject it really struck a cord with me! He addressed the fact that it today’s world we are always plugged into something (ipods, cell phones, etc.) and although that it not always a bad thing many of us (myself included) have become scared of silence. The moment I enter my house I have to have some kind of background noise, if not it’s “too quiet”. However, it is in those quite times that we are really forced to acknowledge and deal with our own thoughts and feelings. I am totally guilty of not dealing with things. I push my feelings aside and then later down the road wonder why I am so screwed up. But how can I move on if I haven’t forced myself to deal with or even acknowledge what I am thinking and feeling!
God uses the silent times, he uses our thoughts and feelings to grow in Him and with Him. When I had my ability to talk taken away I was forced to deal with all of my thoughts and feelings that I normally push aside. Yeah..it was a little scary! But you know what? It made me come face to face with things I have been ignoring for years..years people! I was forced to start to deal with them and to turn to God for help. I will say it again, God uses silence to speak to us. He uses our own thoughts to help us grow. I was so busy being plugged into everything else that I had forgotten what it was like to be unplugged! Silence isn’t something to be scared of, it is a true gift from God. The more I allowed myself to experience God’s gift of silence and allow him to speak to me the more whole and content I have started to feel.
Although I wouldn’t have willingly endured the tongue torture if I had a choice I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything now! I think that I often only appreciate and want to experience things that bring me pleasure and comfort. But am I really forced to grow if I don’t endure hard times?? I truly believe that it is those hard times that mold me into the best possible version of me, the version that God is molding! I want to encourage all of you lovely ladies that in the hard times look for the good, really try and get passed the hurt and pain and discomfort and see what good you can get out of it!
Sorry if I have gotten too preachy, this has been something I have been slowly learning and I was excited to share it with all of you. You guys are the best and your support means the world to me :)
Happy Tuesday :)