Joshley and the Charles

The 3 month Catch up and an intro into single parenthood

2012-02-06T15:45:00.001-08:00

I can not believe that it has been three months since I have posted something! It would be an understatement to say that our life has been a little busy as of late. Where to even begin?? Well since the last post was on Hudson’s birth story I will ease your mind and let you know that Hudson just turned 3 months and is doing great!

One of the biggest changes in our daily life (besides having a little adorable baby requiring lots of attention) is that now I am a single parent. Now before anyone freaks out I am still happily married but the hubs just happens to be on the other end of the globe right now which leaves me as a single parent for the next 6 months. You see about 8 months into my pregnancy, just when the hubs had returned from his final summer all expense paid military vacation and I thought we were in the clear for a while regarding him being away, he comes home from work and drops that news that every military wife dreads hearing - deployment. Not to mention that I was 8 months pregnant so that meant he would be leaving shortly after Hudson was born.

We still kept all of the plans that we had made for the holiday season and decided to make the most of the time we had together as a family of three (or four including the Charles) before the Hubs headed out. He was scheduled to leave anywhere between mid-december and mid-january so we all prayed for the mid-january so that he could celebrate Hudson’s first christmas with him. Luckily our prayers were answered and the hubs didn’t have to leave till mid-january..yay! As thrilled as we all were to get the extra time together, we also jam packed the time which is why you haven’t heard from me in soooo long! So without further ado I am going bullet point style and recaping these last three months (don’t pee your pants in excitement!)

- November 3rd our darling Hudson was born (best day ever I might add)

- My mom had arrived the week before his birth and stayed two weeks. My dad and sis joined us on the final week of my mom’s stay and everyone’s world revolved around Hudson.

- Hudson experienced his first Faux hawk

- the day my family left my MIL arrived and a few days later my SIL joined us for a small family thanksgiving. There was turkey, there was brisket (yes you read that right), there was all the fixings and most importantly there was Hudson in his turkey best :)

- Once thanksgiving was over and the family had all left we got in the car and made the cross-country trek to Washington DC for my FIL retirement from the Air Force. This was Hudson’s first car trip and he did amazing. It is crazy to think that this boy has been more places in his 3 months of life than I had been at 18 years old! We were in DC for about a week and then headed back to Utah. Here are some pics from the trip (although I hardly got any).

Hitting the road

Road trip Hudson style :)

Hudson and Hobbs become best buds :)

- While we were in DC we were able to meet up with some good college friends which we have already drafted the paperwork for our new little bundles to be wed when the reach the marrying age (not really but I am sure that is what we will continually tell them!)

The gang

- On December 3rd Hudson turned a month old

- Hudson also got to experience his first ride on the Charles

- We had about two weeks at home before the hubs family came for Christmas. During this time the hubs left for a short training trip and this was my first time with just me, Hudson and Charlie. It was a reality check for what was to come for sure! I did have a mini meltdown as to how I was going to handle it once the hubs really left but after crying to my mom and getting past the first day it wasn’t too bad.

- We had an amazing time with the hubs family and a pretty low key but great christmas! And of course as with most of everything now it all revolved around Hudson :)

- The week after the hubs family left we had Hudson dedicated and had amazing love and support from our Home group out here :)

Well I don’t want to make this post supper long so I am going to continue the catch up in the next post..

Also, I am going to try to blog on a weekly basis about my experience as being a single parent during the first 8 months of Hudson’s life and how it is to have the hubs deployed (part for my record and part to help anyone else in this situation, military or not).

Hopefully you haven't all already taken me off you read list :)

Hudson’s Birth Story ..Part 2

2011-11-20T16:08:00.001-08:00

Go here to read Part 1 of Hudson’s birth story…

Within about 5 minutes of starting the petocin I noticed my contractions started to get 5 times worse. From talking to people and the research I did while pregnant I knew that it changes the intensity of the contractions but I still wasn’t prepared for the pain to come. The nurse had warned me that if I even thought I wanted to epidural any time soon to tell her right away since they had to give me fluid first and that would take about 30 minutes. I ended up giving her the go ahead way sooner than I wanted to but the pain was already bad and I the idea of waiting past 30 minutes wasn’t too appealing. They went ahead and started the fluid as well as the penicillin (since I was strep B positive). The whole day before my water broke I had thrown up several times and once we got to the hospital I was a little worried because I really didn’t want to have to deal with getting sick and having contractions. I only threw up once at the hospital and just felt sick to my stomach after that.

Also, as I had mentioned before, I was having mostly back labor and once the intensity of the contractions started to get worse I really was only feeling it mostly in my lower back (which felt like it was being ripped apart). The nurse said it was probably due to Hudson’s position and she suggested that I try and stand up and sway my hips to get him to move and help my pain management.

I was not having fun!

Nothing really seemed to help but it did feel better to stand. The hubs was great and tried to push on my hips at different pressure points during the contractions. I had originally said that I didn’t want any other type of pain medication except the epidural (since it tends to make me sick) but once they told me that due another girl needing an epidural before me (she came in at 7cm) mine was going to be delayed, I asked for anything to help. Whatever pain meds they gave me did seem to take the edge off but they also made me very dizzy. I would try to sit down between contractions but since they were coming like every minute I didn’t really have much of a break. It was funny because as bad as the pain was and as much as I thought I couldn’t make it one more minute, the time seem to pass fairly quickly.

I ended up having to wait an extra 2 hours to get the epidural but once they came it to do the procedure I was beyond happy. It didn’t really hurt and I wasn’t even scared because I was in so much pain I didn’t really care. I can’t even explain how much better I felt once it started to kick in. I was able to move my legs some but I couldn’t feel anything.

So much better :)

The nurse came to check my progress and while she was doing that she accidently broke the rest of my water (only part of it had broken before). At that point I was about 6 cm so she said she would come check me in about an hour. I think I napped some during that hour, texted friends and just relished the fact that I wasn’t in pain anymore :) When the nurse came back in to check me I was fully dilated. Apparently I progressed really fast after the rest of my water broke. She said that she would call my doctor to let him know and then be back for me to do some practice pushes.

I remember at that point being a little freaked that pretty soon Hudson would be in my arms. I was a little scared but there was no going back! She came back in and had me start pushing. After about 3 pushes she said she wanted me to stop and wait for the doctor because she didn’t want to end up delivering the baby. I had to sit there feeling a lot of pressure while they came in and set up my room for the delivery. I was in a birthing suite so I stayed in the same room the entire time. The doctor arrived and had me start pushing again. I pushed through about 2 contractions and Hudson’s heart rate started to drop which made them concerned that the cord was wrapped up somewhere around him. I pushed a couple more times and they could see him crowning. They said he had a lot of hair and I was convinced in my mind that it was dark hair.

Since his heart rate was still dropping the doctor informed me that he had to get him out quick and needed to do an episiotomy. I was not thrilled but I wanted what was best for Hudson. I pushed two more times and he was out. It was so amazing and unreal to see him for the first time and I was shocked by his full head of blond hair. I remember thinking “he doesn’t look anything like I thought he would”.

The took him to get cleaned up and I watched as the doctor stitched me up. Once I finally got to hold him and was so in love and in disbelief that he was actually here.

In love :)

Our family :)

The hubs was supper excited to hold him too!

The rest of the stay went really well. Every nurse that we had was amazing and we were very well taken care of. We had to stay for 48 hours after the birth to monitor him and I started to go a little stir crazy but overall it was nice to be there that long because they were able to answer any questions that came up. Luckily Hudson caught onto breastfeeding pretty quickly. I was a little sore the first few days on one side but it wasn’t as bad as I had thought.

The first day home the Charles had a little bit of a hard time adjusting. He would run over to Hudson every time he would make a noise and we had to lock him out of our room the first night. After that though he has done really well and I know they will soon be best friends :)

Charlie wasn’t sure what we had brought home

His first ride home :)

I have recovered pretty well too. The stitches were the worst part and I think for about a week and a half every time I sat down I wanted to cry. It has gotten a lot better though and I think the stitches are pretty much gone as well as the bleeding.

I meant to type this earlier but we have been having too much fun! I can’t believe he is already 2 1/2 weeks old. Every day is totally different than the last and we are loving every minute of it (even the sleepless ones)!

Hudson’s Birth Story…Part 1

2011-11-11T19:48:00.001-08:00

Okay so I really wanted to get this written down before I forgot it all, however with a brand new baby and family being in town I haven’t gotten to actually think about writing it till now. So here it goes..

I realize the last two weeks I wasn’t very good about posting updates but mostly because nothing really happened and I was in denial that I would go till the 40 week mark. When I went for my 38 week appointment I was 80% effaced and my cervix was closed. At my 39 week appointment I was dilated 1cm (he didn’t say anything about how effaced I was). However, at that appointment the doc said he wouldn’t be surprised if I had him that week. I seriously did everything I could to speed along the process. All which included running 3 miles, bouncing on the exercise ball for hours, eating spicy food, walking 30 miles a week and trying to relax since everyone kept saying that the more I worry about it the more it would delay him coming.

My mom was getting in the Thursday before my due date and so once she arrived I was convinced that he would come any day. Each day that went by was torture (this kid is a serious mover and never left my ribs)! Originally the doctor had told me that he wouldn’t induce me till a week after the due date and by the time my 40 week appointment came I really couldn’t imagine being pregnant for another week. My appointment was on Wednesday November 2nd and my due date was the next day. I had been really crampy and tired the day before the appointment (Tuesday) and the day of the appointment I woke up really sick. I had lost my mucus plug earlier that week but I continued to lose more each day. For my last two appointments the doc had scraped my membranes so I was really hoping all the sickness was a sign that labor was soon to come.

When we got to the doctor I was sure he was going to say I was 3cm dilated or something and ready to have this baby. Instead he said I was maybe a 1 1/2 and was about 90% effaced. At that point I begged him to induce me asap. Since my cervix was soft enough he agreed that I would be okay to be induced and we scheduled it for the next morning (thursday) at 5:30am. I was really relieved and a little in shock that no matter what Hudson was coming the next day. My mom was with me for the appointment and after we ran errands and met the hubs for lunch. I was really not feeling good and after I threw up in the parking lot I was convinced that I had caught the flu or something and I was concerned that they wouldn’t let me be induced if I was sick.

Even though I wasn’t feeling great we got everything ready for the next morning, took the charles to a friends house and went to bed early. I got up around 12:30 and threw up one more time and as I was returning to bed I prayed for God to confirm that we were doing the right thing. I so wanted to meet the little guy but I also didn’t want to rush it or make it harder for him or me by being induced. I drifted back asleep and was awoken at about 1:15 to my water breaking. At first I wasn’t sure it was that but I got up and ran to the bathroom and more came out and confirmed that it was my water and not pee. At that point I was super excited and a little freaked. I woke the hubs up and let my mom know what was going on. I was so glad we had already dropped the Charles off so we didn’t have to worry about what to do with him.

I knew it would be a while before I got a shower so I took a quick one and put on makeup (don’t judge). I also got some food to eat on the way since I knew I wouldn’t get to eat for a while.

One final belly shot

The hubs was joking with me that if we didn’t hurry he would have to catch the little man :)

By the time we left for the hospital the contractions had started and they were about 5 minutes apart. I could tell right away that it was back labor since the pain was mostly in my back and the lower part of my abdomen. Once we arrived at the hospital they took me back to confirm that my water had broke and start getting me set up. The nurse said that it hadn’t completely broken but they had to wait till the doctor came to break the rest (since they weren’t allowed to break it). They also wanted to speed up contractions so they started me on petocin.

stay tuned for part 2..

Hudson is here!!!

2011-11-05T11:36:00.001-07:00

Hudson Donald Reno arrived at 8:41 am on Thursday November 3rd 2011 after 7 1/2 hours of labor. He weighs 7 lbs even and is 20 inches long. We are totally in love and I am still in shock that he is here! We just arrived home a few minutes ago from the hospital and the Charles is still unsure of his new little brother but I think he is quickly warming up to him. I will be posting the birth story soon…hopefully :) Thank you all so much much for your support, prayers and encouragement through this whole process. God is so good and he has blessed us so much with this perfect little boy.

We have no idea where his blond hair came from but we love it! Stay tuned for the story and more pictures …

The Nursery Reveal

2011-10-13T14:06:00.001-07:00

I can’t believe how close it is getting to the Hudster’s due date! There are days when I want him to come Right Now and days where I freak out thinking of how much little time we have left just the two of us (or three if you include the charles). The hubs and I have speculated and throw out many scenarios one when we think the little guy is going to arrive but we know in the end we really have no idea! I feel like we are in a good place though. As much as I want to meet the little guy and can’t wait to hold him in my arms, I am really enjoying the time I have with the hubs and friends around here. I feel like our schedule has been jam-packed since I know once Hudson get’s here I won’t be able to do as much, so I guess I am trying to make up for that now :) I am not really good with that whole rest thing either and as much as I have been told taking naps will help in the long run I just can’t bring myself to do it (nor do I have the time too).

However, one of the biggest things that is putting me at ease is knowing that we are READY as in have everything we need for the little guy to arrive (or so we think, I am sure we will still freak out over not having that once crucial item once he does get here). It has been a fun and long process but his nursery is finally done and I love it! We had so many generous friend and family contribute and my amazing hubs didn’t even bat an eye every time a box from pottery barn kids arrived at our house :)

So without further ado here is a little picture tour of our little man’s room. And just a warning there might be a little picture over-load!

My mom had this awesome street sign made for the shower and then let me take it home to use for the nursery.

We decided we wanted to go with a plane theme and then have the colors and bedding be simple. I feel in love the with blue and while PB Kids bedding and kind of ran with it :)

I had a hard time deciding on whether to get a changing table or use the dresser but in the end we decided to save some space and use the dresser.

The charles thinks this is his room and we often find him sleeping in here :)

I found so cute planes at hobby lobby and I tried to get some pictures of family members in Hudson’s room.

When we were dating the Hubs gave me “Chief Bear” that he had made at build-a-bear and I am so excited to be able to use it in Hudson’s room.

I totally feel in love the with little plane curtain rods

Well that is the great reveal…I really can’t wait for the Hudster to get here and make the room complete :)

Baby Update: Weeks 34-36

2011-10-07T20:49:00.001-07:00

Sorry for such a long break in-between posts! I just have been lacking motivation to blog and comment on all your posts even though I have been reading them! Hopefully I will get a few key posts in (like the nursery reveal) before the Hudster comes. But for now enjoy the update :)

Week 35

Week 36

How far along? 36 weeks

Baby's size? We went to the doctor on Wednesday and he was measuring 6 pounds 4 ounces..wow!

Weight gain: Too much. I had a good break from gaining weight for about a month and now it has decided to pick up again. I am hoping it wont get too crazy before Hudson gets here. Right now I am up about 18-19 pounds overall.

Maternity clothes? I am still wearing a mixture…mostly non-maternity shirts with maternity pants or pre-preg pants with the belly band. I am really looking forward to wearing “normal” clothes again.

Stretch marks? I still haven’t seen any pop up and I have been pretty good about putting lotion on my belly every morning.

Belly button in or out? It is still in but so close to popping out!

Sleep? Hudson is pushing on my gallbladder or something like that so now even at night it burns like no other which makes sleeping harder. I fall asleep pretty fast but usually get up a lot and sometimes will wake up at like 3 am and not be able to get back to sleep.

Foods I am loving? I am still craving sugar a lot and trying hard to fight it! I have been getting nauseous again so that has made eating harder.

Foods I am hating? Nothing really.

Best moment this week? Having my 3rd and final shower and getting to see Hudson.

Movement? All the time. He is getting really strong and now his kicks or movements really hurt. I feel like someone is giving me that Indian rug-burn thing on my tummy!

Symptoms? Pretty much the normal third trimester things. And the fact that some morning sickness has come back..boo! Just very uncomfortable.

Gender? Hudson (a boy)

What I miss? Laying/sleeping on my back. Diet coke and coffee (though I do have the occasional one). My old body. Running. Not feeling the need to sleep all the time. Enough said.

What I'm looking forward to? Hitting 37 weeks and being considered full term :)

Milestone: We have his room all set up and basically everything we need for him to be here :)

Emotions: We took our birthing class last weekend and I thought it would freak me out but it actually just made me more excited. It is weird but I am really curious as to how the whole labor thing is going to go. I know it will be painful but it like right before you run a marathon and you are ready and a little excited (or insane) to find out just how much it is going to hurt..I know i’m weird. Both the hubs and I are just so ready to meet our little guy :)

Baby Update: Weeks 32 & 33

2011-09-17T11:00:00.001-07:00

Week 32

Week 33

How far along? 33 Weeks

Baby's size? At the Doctor’s appointment this last Wednesday Hudson was about 4 pounds which the doctor said was right on track.

Weight Gain? I am up about 16 pounds overall. I gained a pound in the last two weeks.

Maternity clothes? I think I am really tired of my maternity clothes, or I really miss my pre-pregnancy clothes, because this week I found myself wearing a lot of my pre-pregnancy jeans with the belly band. I guess I should be glad they still kind of fit :) My shirts are a mix too. I have found myself buying more regular clothes that I can still wear now but will work after Hudson comes too.

Stretch marks? none yet but I have started putting lotion on my tummy every morning, I figured my luck at not getting them by doing nothing might run out.

Belly button in or out? It is still in but it is almost flat.

Sleep? This one has been interesting. I think my weird dreams are the hardest part of sleeping because I wake up feeling just as tired. I can fall asleep fine and I am getting up about 4 times a night to use the restroom.

Foods I am loving? I have been having a really hard time eating lately. Either I am not hungry at all and forget to eat or I am starving and then get full really fast.

Foods I am hating? Nothing really.

Best moment this week? Getting to see the Hudster :)

Movement? All the time. It is fun to watch my tummy go in all weird directions and a little weird when I feel a distinct foot. He really likes kicking me in the ribs.

Symptoms? Pretty much the normal third trimester things.

Gender? Hudson (a boy)

What I miss? Laying/sleeping on my back. Diet coke and coffee (though I do have the occasional one). My old body. Running. Not feeling the need to sleep all the time. Enough said.

What I'm looking forward to? My second baby shower today :)

Milestone: Nothing specific, I guess I am just glad Hudson in progressing like he should :)

Emotions: We got a lot of the nursery done (all but a few hanging things) which makes me even more ready for him to come! I had a little freak out about the labor and delivery but I asked the doc tons of questions and now I feel a lot better. Overall I am excited to spend a ton of time with the Hubs before the little guy arrives but I also can’t wait for him to be here :)

Baby Update: Weeks 30 & 31

2011-09-01T13:40:00.001-07:00

Week 30

Week 31

How far along? 31 Weeks

Baby's size? At our doctors appointment yesterday the Hudster weighed about 3 Ibs 12 oz’s. The doc says he is right where he should be :) According to the different baby update e-mails he is about the size of 4 navel oranges or the size of a squash.

Weight Gain? On both my scale and the doctors I am fluctuating between 15 and 16 pounds overall. I was a little concerned because I have actually lost about 1-2 pounds in the last month but the doctor isn’t worried.

Maternity clothes? It is still a mix. I wear only maternity bottoms, although I was supper happy to try on some of my pre-pregnancy jeans the other day and although they are tight in waist I can still button them! My shirts are a mix of maternity and non-maternity.

Stretch marks? none yet but I have started putting lotion on my tummy every morning, I figured my luck at not getting them by doing nothing might run out.

Belly button in or out? It is still in but getting more shallow.

Foods I am loving? Pretty much the same. I can’t eat as much at one time but I am still loving fruit (and thanks to my dad I am now addicted to cherries). I am also loving chicken and salads and chocolate.

Foods I am hating? Nothing really.

Best moment this week? Having the hubs back from his 5 week trip and getting to see Hudson yesterday.

Movement? All the time. It is fun to watch my tummy go in all weird directions and a little weird when I feel a distinct foot.

Symptoms? I am still taking zofran for morning sickness but only every other day. I have still been having the pain in my upper rib area but the doctor said that even though it sounds like my gallbladder unless it is killing me they are going to let it be. I have hit the stage where I am tired all the time. Not just physically tired but sleepy. I am totally not a nap person but during the middle of the day I am so sleepy.

Gender? Hudson (a boy)

What I miss? Laying/sleeping on my back. Diet coke and coffee (though I do have the occasional one). My old body. Running. Not feeling the need to sleep all the time. Enough said.

What I'm looking forward to? My best friend coming to visit this week!

Milestone: Nothing specific, I guess I am just glad Hudson in progressing like he should :)

Emotions: At the doctors office yesterday they gave us the pre-registration packet for the hospital to fill out and mail it. I don’t know why that little thing made it feel so real! I got a little freaked out because we still have so much to get done. On the other hand I am really ready for him to be here. I can’t wait to see him and I am ready to be done being pregnant. 9 or less more weeks to go..yay!! I sometimes I get a little nervous about the delivery but I think I am more nervous about caring for a newborn and the recovery process.

Welcoming the Third Trimester

2011-08-18T18:43:00.001-07:00

** First I would like to say how thankful I am to all of you for the breast pump and baby monitor advice! It really helped me narrow my choice down and you guys convinced me to splurge and get the Medela InStyle breast pump. Thank you all again!

Now onto the baby updates :)

Today marked the beginning of week 29…11 (hopefully less) weeks to go! Last week I entered the third trimester and although I had really hoped I would break the mold and not hit the third trimester fatigue and pains, I was not so lucky. It actually started a little early (like around week 26). I blame it on the super long road trip from Utah to Bako and back. Oh well :) I think I have sadly come to terms that running might be done for the rest of the pregnancy. I went to the doctor yesterday and he said the hip/back pain is normal and although it has lessened some it will probably come back. Oh joy! I did swim laps yesterday and was encouraging because I got just as good of a workout without the pain.

I had mentioned on a previous post that on the trip out to bako I experienced some really bad rib/upper back pain and although some of you expressed concerned I really didn’t give it much thought. I briefly mentioned it to the doctor yesterday and he is concerned it could be my gallbladder. He said if the pain continues he will do an ultrasound of my gallbladder to make sure everything is okay.

The good news is the Hudster is doing great! He weighs about 2 pounds 10 ounces and has a very strong heart beat. He is head down, which makes sense since he has been kicking my ribs like no other :) He has been very active lately which is very reassuring. The doctor was very pleased with my fluid levels and everything else. I had to take the glucose test yesterday and he said if there was any problems with my blood test I should hear by today (and since it is almost 7pm and I still haven’t heard anything I am taking that as a good sign). It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

Although we have been getting to see Hudson at each appointment due to the fact that he is head down they can’t get a good picture of him so I haven’t had any to share.

I think my main symptoms right now are fatigue and having to pee every 5 minutes. I am also having a hard time eating because I get full so fast and when I eat too much I am really uncomfortable. I also tend to be very forgetful and that includes forgetting to eat. Luckily if I go too long I will get nauseous and that will remind me to eat.

The nursery is starting to come together but there is still a lot to do! We have a few more showers coming up and after those I am going to evaluate what we still need and my goal is to be done with the nursery by the end of September. We shall see if that happens!

Lastly, here are some pictures from the last two weeks:

Week 28

Week 29

Well that’s all for now :)

Baby Monitor and Breast Pump HELP

2011-08-03T16:37:00.001-07:00

So yesterday I spent about two hours sitting in front of my computer researching Baby Monitors and Brest Pumps. And guess what? I’m still just as confused as before. I really don’t want to spend a ton (like under $200 dollars per item) so I was trying to find what was the best non-expensive item. For Baby Monitors I want a video monitor. I read all the review on like 5 different sites and I just can’t decide on which one. I know they all have their pro’s and con’s and i’m not willing to pay mucho dollars so now I just have to decide which one seems to be the best.

As for Breast Pumps, I know I want an electric but I don’t know if I should only look at double ones or if single is okay. Since I won’t be working and I will be around Hudson a lot I figure I won’t be pumping a lot but I really don’t know what it is going to be like.

That’s why I am reaching out to you. I trust my blog friends more than random people’s reviews so …..Please Help!

Have you found some less expensive Monitors or pumps that you love (or a least do the job)? What have you learned that you wish you knew before? What are your recommendations?

Thanks my sanity depends on this!

Boy Reality Check and Pregnancy Brain

2011-07-30T19:58:00.001-07:00

You know when you say something or think something and then immediately realize that maybe you shouldn’t have acknowledged that certain thought because know you are going to be tested? No? Well I do it all the time. Shocker! Today was one of those times. I have been reading Dr. Dobson’s “Raising up Boys” in preparation for the Hudster and although I was initially freaked by all the little boy stories, I then started to get excited about what the new addition of a little boy would bring. I have to admit that I was almost a little over-confident about how well I thought I could handle having a boy even with the crazy stories swarming all around me. Yeah, just so you know, it’s not a good idea to think you are totally capable of handing these things before ever experiencing them :)

So here’s how it all went down:

Right now the Charles and I are chilling at the folks in Cali for a few weeks of fun and parties while the Hubs is working away (Hubs just so you know working is way overrated and they should pay you to come chill with us..just saying). So anyways, while we are here I have to keep a tight watch on the Charles while he ventures out into the Rent’s yard since they are hosting my shower and a wedding reception while we are out here. He had been doing pretty good and not getting into too much trouble so I let him out unaccompanied today to get some outdoors time. I was on a tight time schedule so I wasn’t checking on him too much (getting ready for my spray-tan appointment was much more important at the time). As I was getting ready to leave I remembered that I still hadn’t checked on the Charles and he was still all alone outside. Yeah insert cringe now..

When I looked out I saw him playing with something unfamiliar looking on the ground. It wasn’t until I actually stepped outside and got a little closer did I realize it was a dead bird. And I freaked. I yelled at him to get inside and then panicked on what to do..I mean there was no way I could stomach picking up a dead bird, but my dad was at work and I couldn’t leave it on the lawn since the shower is tomorrow. I looked outside again and saw the wing move…okay now the bird isn’t even all the way dead. I really couldn’t believe I had a killer as a dog son. I ran into my mom’s room and told her what had happened all while freaking out and fighting tears. She suggested that I let Charlie out to finish the job. My heart broke..that poor little bird. I took my mom up on her suggestion and once I was sure the bird was dead I made the Charles come back in. Luckily while I was at my tanning appointment my mom picked up the bird and told me that she thought it was already dead way earlier. I realized the wind must have made the wing move and that Charles was in fact not a killer..just gross.

However, it also made me re-evaluate how ready I really am to handle all the boy stuff. Yikes! I know I will have to man up at some point (since i’m sure Hudson will do the gross stuff while the Hubs is away) and not freak out about things like lizards or bugs or dead birds. But let’s be honest, I am sure I will always freak out and I will no longer think I am going to be a pro at having a boy..lesson learned :)

On another note..Hudson is taking over my brain. Today I dropped my phone and it broke open in the parking lot. I gathered all the pieces (this has happened several times before) and got in my car to put them all together. Once I got the phone back in one piece I stared at it for like 5 minutes because I couldn’t remember how to turn it on. I tried the button I thought it was and it just wasn’t working. By then I was freaking out that I broke my only source of communication to the Hubs and many others. I tried to take the battery out and back in several times to see if that would make it work but all I got was an error message. I finally realized I might be hitting the wrong button but then I got a message that everything was wiped out. After a brief moment of clarity (or old Ashley..I miss you and come back please) as I was pulling into best buy to see if they could fix it I did the battery thing one more time and hit the correct button to turn it on and it worked. Praise the Lord! This loosing your mind thing can be very frustration though!

Baby Update: Weeks 25 & 26

2011-07-29T12:23:00.001-07:00

Week 25

Week 26 (please excuse the blurry picture)

How far along? I hit 26 weeks yesterday

Baby's size? I think he is the size of an eggplant. He weighs about 1 and 3/4 pounds.

Weight Gain? I am fluctuating between 17 and 18 pounds.

Maternity clothes? I am still wearing a lot of non-maternity shirts but all my bottoms are maternity.

Stretch marks? none yet

Belly button in or out? It is starting to get a little shallow but no where near out.

Sleep? I have my good nights and bad nights but it’s not too bad.

Foods I am loving? All the sudden I have been craving chicken. Also tons of fruit and cereals.

Foods I am hating? Nothing really.

Best moment this week? Seeing my sisters excitement when she got to feel Hudson move for the first time.

Movement? All the time

Symptoms? I am still dealing with heart burn some but I have been able to cut my Zofran to one pill every other day. After a long road-tirp to Bako my hip has been killing me (see my last post).

Gender? Hudson (a boy)

What I miss? Laying/sleeping on my back. Diet coke and coffee (though I do have the occasional one). My old body. Enough said.

What I'm looking forward to? My first baby shower on Sunday :)

Milestone: I don’t really feel like much has changed from last update.

Emotions: Again I am so excited for Hudson to get here! I am starting to freak out a little about the giving birth part and after he comes but overall I am feeling pretty good. Being able to stay active has helped me a lot but this week I have been benched due to hip issues so that makes it harder. I think I am getting to the point where I have to re-think what I physically can and can’t do..change things up a bit :)

Pregnant road-trips are getting harder

2011-07-28T16:30:00.001-07:00

I would consider myself an expert road-tripper. So much so that I would rather drive this December for 3 days with a new infant than get on a plane (a story for another time). I can’t even count the number of times I have driven from one side of the country to the other in the last 7 years. I have to say though, that I find this reality ironic because for the first 21 years of my life the longest I had been in a car for one stretch of time was about 7 hours and that was torture. And the thought of driving actually out of California was unheard of in my mind. However, when I packed up my belongings in my car for my last year and a half of college and headed from Cali to Ohio my thought of road trips changed forever! Luckily my wonderful dad made the trip with me and took care of a lot of the driving.

Although I made it through the three days of 12-14 hour driving with out any major repercussions I still wasn’t a huge fan of long car rides. I remember when I met the hubs and I had to laugh because to him a 7 hour car ride was a short little trip (not an all day torture experience like I thought of it). And as with most things, as the year went on which included several 9-10 hour trips to DC my thoughts about a long car ride slowly started to align with the hubs. He also introduced me to audio books which have made road-trips a thousand times more enjoyable.

That summer my sis and I made the long 3 day trip back to Cali from College and three months later made it again back to Ohio. Can we say crazy. However, I was really starting to enjoy the feel of the open road and the bleak surroundings of Kansas (well not really the last part but you get the idea). One of my rules for these long road trips was finding really yummy and fun restaurants to eat at. I figured it gave us something to look forward to.

Once the hubs and I got married and I joined the rank of Military Wife road trips again took on another new meaning. I was no longer driving from home to college and back but all over the country. And I was loving almost every minute of it. So much so that I made my first solo cross-country road trip from Cali to Washington DC last year with the Charles. After that trip I felt like there was nothing I couldn’t handle. It is no surprise that our 2009 Corolla has almost 90,000 miles on it!

One of the hardest things about living in NJ for me was being so far away from my family. When we found out we were moving to Utah and would only be about an 11 hour drive from my folks I was ecstatic..I mean 11 hours is nothing right?! I made the trip solo and with others several times during our first year in Utah. So when we found out we were pregnant and people warned me that my love of road trips might wane slightly I laughed. Obliviously they weren’t true road-trippers like I was. With the hubs being gone earlier this summer I drove the 11 hour dive with the Charles to Cali to spend time with the fam. Since I was already about 5 1/2 months pregnant and it went great I figured not even pregnancy would slow me down on the road.

..Until Tuesday. With the hubs gone again I decided to head to Cali for a few weeks to hang with the fam. Side note: part of the reason was also because I am in a wedding here and they are throwing me my first shower this Sunday..yay! Okay back to the story. Tuesday morning I woke up bright and early ready to get the last minute details out of the way and hit the road with the Charles. My leg and hip were bothering me some (maybe the hour and a half intense fitness class the day before wasn’t the best idea) but I didn’t really think anything of it. I figured that if I managed fine last time at 5 1/2 months pregnant than I should also be fine at almost 7 months.

About an hour into the drive the pain moved into my back and basically wrapped around my rib cage on the right side of my body. Let’s just say this is when the rude (and I do mean rude) awakening happened! The next 10 hours were misery as I tried everything I could think of to relieve the pain while safely driving. I treasured my potty breaks because it provided some relief but about 20 minutes later the pain would start again. I could barley talk on the phone because it made the pain a lot worse. I think I stopped about 7 times which is unheard of for me. I finally made it to Cali and cried tears of joy (or maybe they were from the pain too).

I was so glad to be out of the car and if you would have asked me at that moment I would have said I was never getting in one again. Although my back and hip continued to hurt that night, it wasn’t too bad the next morning. So what did I decide to do..well go for a run of course. As soon as I hit the pavement I knew this probably wasn’t the best idea but I didn’t want to give in an turn back yet. I thought about only doing 1 mile but then the pain seemed to lessen some so I decided to at least get in two. When I stopped running and did my cool-down I could barely walk due to the intense pain in my right hip, butt cheek and down the leg.

In my mind this was nonsense since just last week I walked about 20 miles, ran 9 miles and took 4 fitness classes (including my first spinning class which is highly addictive). Yet a measly 2 miles did me in for the whole day. I did some yoga to see if that would help. Sadly though for the rest of the day and even into today walking has been a very painful process. It is slowly getting better but I think it is time to face the sad and harsh reality that maybe pregnancy has changed my love for road-trips (at least for the present time). I am dreading the return trip in a couple of weeks!

Baby Update: Weeks 23 and 24

2011-07-21T16:21:00.001-07:00

Week 23

Week 24

How far along? see above (although today I am actually 25 weeks but I have been meaning to post this for a while).

Baby's size? Did anyone else notice that the bump updates say papaya for like 3 weeks straight? I don’t really remember the other fruits :)

Weight Gain? I really hate this question (and have almost deleted it several times) but around 16-17 pounds. The doctor assured me that since I am exercising a lot and eating healthy not to worry but sometimes I still freak out.

Maternity clothes? Same…loving the maternity clothes. I made the mistake of trying on a pair of jeans that were a little tight when I first found out I was pregnant..not good. I have to admit, I have been going to the gym in the mornings and then running errands so I am mostly living in workout clothes right now :)

Stretch marks? none yet

Belly button in or out? It is starting to get a little shallow but no where near out.

Sleep? okay. I am just getting really tired of the strange dreams.

Foods I am loving? All the sudden I have been craving chicken. Also tons of fruit and cereals.

Foods I am hating? Nothing really.

Best moment this week? Seeing the Hubs feel Hudson really move for the first time..so cool :)

Movement? All the time, especially in the middle of the night.

Symptoms? Heart burn and dizziness.

Gender? Hudson (a boy)

What I miss? Laying/sleeping on my back. Diet coke and coffee (though I do have the occasional one). My old body. Enough said.

What I'm looking forward to? Heading to cali next week and the fist baby shower :)

Milestone: The hubs was amazing and put together all of the nursery furniture. Also I hit the six month mark! Oh and I finally made our birthing class appointment.

Emotions: I am feeling pretty good. It has been so neat to feel him move so much. I am really excited for him to get here :) I have to say this week I have been hit hard with the fear of not being able to lose the weight after he comes. Some weeks are better than others (with that subject) and this week has just been bad. I have been working out a lot (with the permission of the doctor) so that has helped my mental state some. It is funny because sometimes I am so overwhelmed with with joy at the idea of this little guy and all he is going to bring with him and other times I am scared to death at what is going to come and the physical changes.

House Projects Revealed – the Living Room

2011-07-14T15:39:00.001-07:00

As I was sitting in the living room the other day I realized that we have done some bigger (well bigger for us) projects around the house lately and I have failed to share them with you all. I am breaking them into different posts as to not overwhelm you with pictures and words :) So let’s start with the first big change to the house…the living room. I am very lucky that the hubs is patient with me and the fact that I have to change the decor every time we more (and for an Air Force family that is a lot). I guess it’s what makes the moves fun and bearable for me. I also really love to decorate and I get tired of my decor quick so it all works out.

When we first got to Utah and moved into our house I went a little crazy with the redecorating passion. Blame it on the fact that I hadn’t had a house or our stuff for about 8 months, I just couldn’t help to go full steam a head. We had a sectional couch that we were a little concerned wouldn’t fit in our small living room but it ended up working out great. I loved that couch and was glad it worked. I have to say (as you can see below) that the Charles really loved this couch too :) I don’t have a ton of pictures of our “first” living room..they were all on my old phone that broke so I lost them. Therefore I have tried to scrape up some not-so-good pictures to give you somewhat of an idea.

Our couch on a normal day :)

This was during Christmas so the decor is more “christmasy” but usually I would switch out the pillow covers (from my decoration love Pottery Barn) and switch out the fabric in the frame to match the season and decor.

This is the couch in our old house before we moved from NJ but I thought it would give you an idea of what it looked like.

However, sometimes even things you love come to an end …and well that’s what happened to the couch. After being in storage for 8 months and moving across the country it ended up breaking. Sad day :( The good news is though that we got the couch at Costco (one of my favorite places) and the took it back no questions asked! We got a full refund and were planning on just getting the same one but they didn’t have any in stock so we started looking elsewhere.

We ended up going to RC Willey and although I really wanted another sectional I fell in love with a couch/love seat combo. Although it was a bit more pricy than the costco couch we went ahead and got them. We also had to get a new coffee table since we had an ottoman before that went with the old couch. But guess what, new couches mean new decorations right?! Of course :) So I started stocking Ross and TJ Maxx and all the other “budget” decor places (with my pottery barn inspiration pictures in my purse) and scoring some key pieces that made the whole room come together. I even talked the hubs into hanging curtains to make the room look taller and hanging mirrors to bring more light into the room. So without further ado…here is the new living room (and please forgive the not so great pictures taken on my phone).

A view from the kitchen/dinning area.

It’s nice to have an actual coffee table and it has padded pullout’s that we can use as footstools. I put a Pottery Barn decorating book and a glass vase with flowers. I am also really into a bird theme I guess and scored this frame with a bird and butterfly picture from where else..Pottery Barn. I have also found that Hobby Lobby has the best flower stems and so I love changing out the two black vase things next to the TV.

I feel in love with the pedestal tables I found out Ross and are using for end tables. I founds some birds at Michaels arts and craft, the candle I found at Home Goods, the books I found around our house and we got the coasters at Kohls.

This is another view of the table.

Here is the other end table with a PB frame and matching picture (goes with the one on the coffee table), little bird candles from PB and a odd shaped vase also from PB. We got the lamp at Ikea and we have it set on an automatic timer which I really like.

Overall I am really enjoying our new living room (well semi-new since it has been like this for several months). I did feel kind of bad though because I know the Charles misses the old couch and being able to sit on the end and look out the window. If you don’t remember anything else from this post, remember that Costco is amazing to get furniture from because their return policy is unlike any other :)

Coming up next is our newish kitchen :)

Some Charles tidbits bullet point style

2011-07-06T13:04:00.001-07:00

I realized the other day that I haven’t written anything about the Charles for a while. Now I know most of you are thinking I really haven’t written anything at all lately..well this is my attempt to change that :) Since there were several little things I thought to share I decided to put them all in one post and since I'm lazy they are going bullet point style.

So here I go:

- There is nothing quite like the loyalty of a dog. The hubs was out of town for three weeks and and for about the first week the Charles would sit by the garage door around the time the hubs usually got off work and wait for him. I had no way of letting him know that his dad wouldn’t be back for a while and it was so sad! Every time there was any noise from the garage the Charles would leap up and get so excited because he thought it was his dad. It broke my heart. Let’s just say he was very happy when the hubs got home!

- I have been taking the Charles for about a two mile walk every day. We started when it wasn’t that hot yet. It was a good way to get in more exercise and try and get the pup trained so that I could better handle him when Hudson is born. When the hubs was gone we went in the late afternoon so that the Charles would work out all of his energy and not be annoying at night. As it got hotter we switched up our route so that we would be around more grass and water. However he was still struggling. I thought he was just really hot. I finally realized that it was his paws that were burning. The poor pup. He doesn’t have protection like me so I never really thought of it. Now I make sure we go a lot earlier while the ground is still cool. *Side note: usually the Charles naps during the day and then as soon as the Hubs gets home he gets all this energy and wants to play. When the Hubs is gone I try and play ball with him but he will have nothing to do with it because i’m not his dad hence the walks.

- A lot of people have asked if the Charles has changed much as I have gotten bigger. Well I am not really sure if he has become more clingy but he is obsessed with Hudson’s room. The other day I couldn’t find him and looked all over the house only to finally look in the nursery and see him sleeping on the floor. It is so cute! We painted the room this last weekend and set up the furniture and at first the Charles was a little taken aback but then he got used to it and now would sleep in there all the time if we would let him. It is really cute and I know they will be best buds (eventually). I am a little worried about how he will react when we bring the little man home though. Charlie tends to throw up when there is any type of change and I am hoping he gets over that before the Huds gets here since I will already be surrounded by baby bodily fluids and I don’t need to add dog to the mix :)

Well that’s all for now :) I am sure I will have more Charles tales soon! I am also working on a post to feature some big projects we have done around the house lately and another one on our stroller decisions so stay tuned.

Happy Wednesday :)

Week 22

2011-06-30T11:43:00.001-07:00

How far along? 22 Weeks

Baby's size? Hudson is the size of a papaya :)

Weight Gain? Well I finally faced the scale after being out of town and I have gained about 2 pounds in the last two weeks for a total of 14ish pounds…holy cow this better slow down!

Maternity clothes? Totally, although I have been finding some cute dresses that are non-maternity and work really well. I am still on the search for more shirts (maternity or non).

Stretch marks? none yet

Belly button in or out? It is starting to get a little shallow but no where near out.

Sleep? Not fun. My hips are getting really sore from having to only lay on my sides.

Foods I am loving? Grapes, watermelon, steak and I have been obsessed with the Japanese place in the mall..veggies and rice yum! And again, the sugar tooth is in full swing. I am really trying hard not give in (especially with this most resent weight gain). It usually ends up where I do give in and then get mad at myself after…oh well.

Foods I am hating? Nothing really.

Best moment this week? Having the Hubs return from his 3 week trip and be so surprised at how much Hudson (meaning me) have grown.

Movement? It is still pretty inconsistent but I am feeling him move and kick.

Symptoms? About two days ago I started getting acid reflux and my back hurts if I stand for too long. I have noticed that with this extra weight my legs and ankles get tired easier when I run, but that isn’t stopping until it absolutely has too (the running).

Gender? Hudson (a boy)

What I miss? Laying/sleeping on my back. Diet coke and coffee (though I do have the occasional one). My old body. Enough said.

What I'm looking forward to? Feeling Hudson kicking more and having the Hubs be able to feel him too.

Milestone: We bought the paint for Hudson’s room and I finished some of the pictures for the walls (don’t worry I will give a picture tour when it’s done). We are getting semi-closer to having the nursery done :)

Emotions: I am feeling pretty good. I am starting to feel more “pregnant” which is nice. I think it is more noticeable now and I don’t just look big. I really just can’t wait till He gets here. It still feels like forever but the last 5 months have gone pretty quick and I know it’s only going to speed up. I got spray tanned for a wedding I went to last week and it really helped me feel better. I know that may sound vain but since I have no say in the expanding body part at least I can be tan :) The hubs said I can go more often which really lifts my mood! I have also started taking some different fitness classes at the gym and that has helped my mood too. They are a good workout and a lot of fun and since it is getting hotter it is nice to workout in doors.

Week 21

2011-06-23T12:36:00.001-07:00

How far along? 21 Weeks

Baby's size? The size of a banana

Weight Gain? I have been out of town all week so I am not really sure but I think around 12 pounds.

Maternity clothes? I have been wearing maternity bottoms for a while but I am just starting to see the need for maternity shirts, or at least bigger shirts. I got some really cute loose tank tops at forever 21 the other day and although they aren’t maternity I think they will last me a while.

Stretch marks? none yet

Belly button in or out? still very in! It doesn’t seem to have changed too much.

Sleep? It’s been okay. I am having a hard time not being able to sleep on my back. I have also been having weird dreams but I haven’t had to get up as much to use the restroom in the middle of the night.

Foods I am loving? Still Watermelon and steak. My sweet tooth is back in full swing, but I am trying to control it. Since I have been in Cali and the 100+ heat this week I have been really craving anything ice cold!

Foods I am hating? None really right now.

Best moment this week? It was technically last week but getting to see the little guy at the anatomy ultrasound was amazing!

Movement? I think this week was the turning point. I have felt him every day and I have a feeling he is going to a very active little guy! He is quite strong as well. I am already feeling some sharper kicks.

Symptoms? I am still taking zofran so that has really helped with the nausea. I tried to go off it last week but then started getting sick again. I also got my first legs cramps in the middle of the night last night..no fun! My back has really started to ache as well. I have been getting out of breath really easy too.

Gender? A Boy :)

What I miss? I miss being able to do things without help. I can be a very independent and stubborn person about certain things and asking for help really kills me. However, it is becoming more apparent that I physically can’t do what I used to. I cleaned out Hudson’s closet last week and had to make several trips up and down 4 flights of stairs (from the room to the basement), I was dying the next day and felt like I had run a marathon. I am starting to notice the extra weight I am carrying when I run which is making my legs tire easily and therefore I am not able to go as long. I am still loving it but the effortless running that I used to do is long gone. I also really miss diet coke and coffee :)

What I'm looking forward to? Getting the nursery painted. We are planning on doing it sometime in the next two weeks and I can’t wait to start really putting the nursery together :)

Milestone: Feeling the first real kicks :)

Emotions: I am feeling pretty good. I look at Hudson’s pictures every day and almost burst with excitement to meet him! My body is changing a lot and although many days looking in the mirror or checking the scale is hard to accept, I try to look at the Hudster’s latest pictures and I feel better. I think for a while even though I knew I would change both physically and mentally through this I really didn’t believe it. Now that I am accepting that these changes are going to happen and are already happening it is helping me not freak out as much. And every time I feel him kick or move I am reminded that I wouldn’t change any of it :)

Targeted Ultrasound and a Turning Point

2011-06-15T17:45:00.001-07:00

I am ecstatic to share that everything went really well at my appointment on Monday. I shared in my last post how nervous I was for the appointment and so I am glad it is over. It’s funny because I have had no signs that anything is wrong but for some reason I just couldn’t shake the feeling that they would find something. Maybe it was because they were doing the major ultrasound that looked in depth at all of little Hudson’s inner workings. However, I really tried to give it over to God and I knew that if anything did show up we could handle it.

What I wasn’t prepared for was how magical this appointment would be. I got to spend a whole 20 minutes looking at my baby..and boy is he cute! I had the best ultrasound tech ever and she was amazing at talking me though all that she was looking at and assuring me that he looked perfect :) At the last appointment we hadn’t gotten to see his face because he had his back to us so I was amazed at how much he is looking like a real baby.

According to the tech I am carrying low but that isn’t anything to be concerned about. The little Hudster had his hands behind his head (which is the way that his dad falls asleep every night). One of the neatest things was to see some of the ways he is taking after both me and the Hubs. For instance, the tech said it looks like Hudson has flat feet which he totally got from me..sorry bud! I also totally think he has the Hubs nose which is good b/c his is way cuter than mine! The tech said it looks like he is running right along with me because his legs are really developing some muscle..go Hudson! I guess we really do have a little marathoner on our hands.

He has such cute little flat feet :)

Although I can’t feel him that much now he was moving a lot at the appointment. I really can’t get over how much I already love this little guy! Right now he weighs 10 oz’s and he is right on track for his due date. The nurse also pointed out that he is in a V position where his head is next to his feet…that doesn’t seem that comfortable but I guess he’s not complaining. Hudson’s heart and brain looked great and they didn’t see any area of concern..thank you Lord!

You can kind of see the v-position I was talking about

I mentioned a little while ago how I was having a hard time with the changes my body is going through. I have always loved this little guy and I knew I had a baby inside of me but really seeing him has totally changed my heart and perspective on this matter. Maybe I finally felt the mama bear instinct kick in but just seeing his little face makes me want to do anything for him (even gaining weight and being taken out of my comfort zone). Not to say that I won’t have some hard times in the future (I am sure I will) but I am so in love with him that I don’t care what I have to endure as long as he gets here healthy!

I really can’t wait for the next appointment to get to see my little guy again! We did get a ton of print out pictures that I look at every day and they put it all on dvd so we can watch him anytime we want …I love modern technology!

Week 19

2011-06-09T16:10:00.001-07:00

*I guess I went a little overboard with the pictures this week and I have a very messy counter :)

How far along? 19 Weeks

Baby's size? The size of a Mango

Weight Gain? I am up about 1 pound from the last update so a total of 10 pounds right now. I seem to be gaining a pound a week lately but I hope it slows down a bit. Overall as long as he is healthy I'm okay with it.

Maternity clothes? Totally! I have been wearing Maternity pants for a while but lately I am realizing that I am going to need to get some more shirts soon..more for the length than anything else.

Stretch marks? none yet

Belly button in or out? still very in! It doesn’t seem to have changed too much.

Sleep? I used the snoggle for the first time and it worked pretty good. I am not using it every night but I am sure that will change soon.

Foods I am loving? Still Watermelon and steak. I have also been eating a lot of turkey chili (made by yours truly). It fills me up and has a lot of different sources of protein. Oh and my sweet tooth has totally come back so that has been hard to fight! Oh and all of the sudden I am totally craving coffee again.

Foods I am hating? None really right now.

Best moment this week? Feeling what I think is the first few flutters.

Movement? I think so. It is hard to tell but there were a few times where I was pretty sure it was the Hudster :)

Symptoms? I am still taking zofan so that has really helped with the nausea.

Gender? A Boy :)

What I miss? As always I miss long runs (I wont say anymore on that). I am now missing sleeping on my back. I also miss diet coke and coffee.

What I'm looking forward to? Seeing little Hudson on Monday!! I am having the Targeted Ultrasound so I get to see more of him than usual..I am very excited and also a little nervous.

Milestone: Getting closer to the 1/2 way mark..one more week to go!

Emotions: I think I had somewhat of a turnaround with my negative feelings about growing bigger. I am still not thrilled but I am really just so excited to meet the little guy and have him healthy that growing bigger dims in comparison. I still get nervous when I step on the scale or when clothes don’t fit but I am learning to just take a deep breath and move on. I also have to add that this week I am just been nervous that Hudson is doing okay. I feel myself getting bigger but I still don’t feel him that much and I keep getting myself worked up that something is wrong. I always get like this right before my dr’s appointments. I am just trying to give it all over to God (since he is the one that made this miracle happen in the first place).

So I wear training bras..

2011-06-07T18:23:00.001-07:00

I don’t know if there are a lot of men (or any) who read my blog but if so I am giving you fair warning that you might want to skip this post. Or not if you like reading about bras..your choice :)

Okay moving right along.

I used to have boobs. I even developed fairly early, well at least compared to my sis (sorry sis but its true). I was never huge (in the B cup range) but big enough to look like a girl. Then in college I lost it all. They always say that when woman lose weight it comes off their chest first and I was no exception. I know I have mentioned this before but my freshman year I lost about 30 pounds and took my average B size boobs down with me. Like I really could get away with no bra but I didn’t and was more like a barely A cup.

And to be honest I was totally fine with it. I know there are a lot of women who like to be well endowed in that area but I am not one of them. I really don’t know why. I think it is because when I was heavy I had boobs and when I was thin I didn’t, so now when the girls grow I feel fat (that might not make any sense). So basically I was glad to see them go. I do admit that the have fluctuated sizes some since getting married (mostly when on birth control or fertility meds) but even then they stayed pretty small.

Now most women in my situation would love padded or push up bras but not me. I dealt with them for a while because they were basically the only thing I could find but again not my favorite. That’s why when I discovered these bras from Gap Body I was beyond thrilled.

(for some reason the picture won’t load so here’s the link..they basically look like a sports bra but for every day use i.e. no padding or breast enhancement here.)

Although the girls have grown from this pregnancy, I can still get away with wearing them. Although the hubs laughs at me and calls them my training bras. I know it’s weird but I love them. Since getting pregnant and growing I have tried to go back to “normal” bras but it is hard for me to feel comfortable in them. And again it makes me feel fat because my boobs are bigger anyways. Stacy and Clinton would be having a fit right now if they heard me :)

Anyways, my expanding size has made a need for me to buy a bigger size in my favorite bras. I am really cheap when it comes to buying anything like that and at Gap Body they range from $10-20 a piece. Now I know that isn’t bad but I still don’t like spending it.

Which leads me to yesterday and the whole motivation for writing this post. I should be ashamed but i’m not. You see, I was at target yesterday looking through the maternity section when I happened to glance over at the girls section right next door. Normally I don’t go into that section (well maybe sometimes because they have cute stuff) but this time I was looking right into the little girls bra section. I started to walk away but then something caught my eye. They have they same type of bras that I get at Gap Body but way cheaper. I know what you are thinking but don’t judge.

I stood in the aisle for about 10 minutes trying to decide if I thought they would fit and if I was really going to succumb to buying little girl bras just to save a few bucks. Um yes! I was able to buy two (yes two) non-padded bras for $7. I call that a deal. Oh and I also saw that they had the C9 sports bras for $8 and in the women's section they are $16 so you totally know where I am going next time I need a new sports bra. I was a little nervous to see if they would fit and they totally do..and are really comfy too!

So yes, maybe I wear training bras (even while pregnant) and maybe I buy my bras in the little girls section at target..but I’m okay with that :)

If we aren’t buying a car then I can I buy my coveted diaper bag?

2011-06-06T14:12:00.001-07:00

Friday was a busy day for us. The Hubs had the day off so we decided to do two of our favorite things..eating and car looking :) About two months ago we discovered a local treasure of a breakfast place called Sil’s cafe. This place is legit. It is a typical greasy breakfast stop complete with first come first serve seat yourself rules (it was very confusing the first time we went there but now we have it down pat). Saturday’s are the worst though so since we had the opportunity to go during the week when the crowds weren’t as bad we jumped on it. Now this is not a diet place. The portions are huge huge huge. I unfortunately have fallen in love with their heated sweet roll (basically a cinnamon roll) but the size it crazy ridiculous. I think they just smoosh like 4 regular rolls together to form a “portion” and when I am finished it looks like I have barely touched it..but so yummy! The hubs always gets an amazing omelet so I of course have to steal some bites with him to counter-balance all the sugar going on, on my side of the table.

So that’s how we started our friday :)

From there, with full bellies, we rolled into the local GMC dealership to check out and possibly test drive the Acadia. Although we have two good working cars we had briefly considered trading in our Explorer for a more Gas economical car that could still give us room for all the baby stuff. We realized this would still be a ways in the future though. We had talked a lot about the Highlander (I am a total Toyota fan) but we also really like the GMC Acadia so we decided to check out both. Mostly just to see now what we really like so that in the future when we do decided to get a new car we will know mostly what we want. Although we couldn’t help tempting ourselves by bringing in the Explorer to see what they would give us for a trade-in…it never hurts to be informed..or maybe it does :)

We worked with an amazing and not pushy salesman at GMC and loved the ride and space of the Acadia. The GMC guy even let us drive the Acadia to the Toyota dealer to look at the Highlander while they were “checking out” our car. Let me say really quick, we really do like the Explorer but we were curious about what else is out there. And after getting in the roll-over accident in our old Explorer last fall both the Hubs and I get nervous taking our current one on long road trips even though it is totally reliable. After test driving both and seeing what each vehicle has to offer we both agreed we like the Acadia better. I refuse to get a minivan (not that there is anything wrong with them) and the Acadia gave us about the same space and an amazingly smooth ride.

Of course I have very odd tastes and I wanted the bottom of the line color (pure white) with the top of the features. Let’s just say my combo was almost impossible to find unless we had it built. However, the GMC dealership found 1 that had more features that we wanted but was pretty much our dream car. One problem though, it was way over our budget for what I had planned for when we decide to get a new car. They weren’t willing to let us walk away though and we were curious as to what they could do for us (curiosity is not always good) so we let them fight it out and come up with an amazing offer. Basically they gave us huge discounts and knocked off almost $10,000 from the original quote. Believe me folks..this was really hard to walk away from. However, before we even left the house that day I was praying a lot for direction or self-control or whatever to keep us from making not wise decisions; and even though it was an amazing deal we decided to make a responsible decision and walk away. Who knew it would take us becoming parents to make us responsible :)

We could have totally handled it financially but both the Hubs and I decided that it would be better to wait longer and save more. We both didn’t want to get caught in the cycle of doing everything we can to get what we want right here and now, sometimes it’s better to wait. We decided this was one of those times. I was proud of us and though it was hard I am very thankful for a supportive hubs and guidance from my heavenly father.

It is amazing though that when you are looking at spending about $45,000 on a car other expenses don’t seem as bad. Case in point, I had really been wanting a certain diaper bag but really didn’t want to send $170.00 on one (which was what it cost). I had gotten an e-mail from Destination Maternity saying they were having a special to save 25% off one item which would bring the bag down to $130..but it was still hard to spend that much. However after our car excursion $130 didn’t seem like that much so I went ahead and splurged on it :) Maybe it’s still baby steps on being totally responsible and saving a lot of money but I am making progress! And now I get a cute new diaper bag that’s I can’t wait to get here :)

image from destinationmaternity.com

My MIL also got me an amazingly cute diaper bag (which I will have to post pictures of soon) so now I have options or can have them packed for different outings.

18 Weeks

2011-06-02T15:30:00.001-07:00

How far along? 18 Weeks

Baby's size? The size of an sweet potato or bell pepper :)

Weight Gain? I am up about 1 pound from the last update so a total of 9 pounds right now. I think my butt and legs have expanded though. my weight is getting dangerously close to my high school weight (during my heavy days) and although I know I have a lot more muscle now and am carrying the weight differently than I did back in the day, it is still really hard to see the number on the scale.

Maternity clothes? well obviously from this picture you can tell the answer is yes. I have decided that I am really not a fan of the belly bands…I don’t know if it is the fact that my old pants don’t fit the same or that it is more itchy but I prefer just sticking to the maternity pants. I still have a few pairs of jeans that I can button but I don’t like how tight they are when buttoned.

Stretch marks? none yet

Belly button in or out? still very in! I finally realized that I have a VERY deep belly button, like you still can’t see the back of it. My mom says it runs in the family and that hers never popped while pregnant. I highly doubt if mine will even get close to popping out.

Sleep? I am still getting up about every two hours to pee which is making it hard to get a good nights sleep. I realized today that I am approaching the time where I shouldn’t be laying on my back anymore..that should be interesting! I did buy a snoggle but I haven’t used it yet.

Foods I am loving? Still Watermelon and steak. We visited my parents this weekend and my mom and sister were laughing at my sudden love for red meat (they are the ones who like it and I always said it was gross).

Foods I am hating? None really right now.

Best moment this week? Getting to see my family and friends in Bako this last weekend and hearing their excitement over my growing belly and meeting little Hudson.

Movement? Not sure. I think I have felt some movement but it is hard to tell if it is Hudson or not.

Symptoms? I am still taking zofan so that has really helped with the nausea. I had my first experience with horrible back pain (it felt like I pulled all the muscles in my back and along the sides of my stomach..not fun). Maybe it was due to running 8 miles two days before or lifting very heavy watermelon..whatever caused it made me realize that I need to be more careful.

Gender? A Boy :)

What I miss? I am still really missing long runs. The hubs is training for a marathon and it kills me not to be able to join him for the 15+ mile runs. I did get to run 8 miles this last Saturday and felt really good so that helped. I also miss shopping for real clothes and having them fit the way they used to. I am unusual in how I like my jeans to fit (I like them to hang on my hips) and I am finding that fit is impossible with my ever expanding belly and hips. I walked through old navy and almost cried in the store yesterday because although I can still fit into a lot of “normal” clothes the fit is different. As hard as it is though, I wouldn’t give it up because all of this is producing the most wonderful little boy :)

What I'm looking forward to? The doctors appointment in about a week. We are doing the big ultrasound next appointment where they check all the organs and make sure everything is looking good for Hudson. I am trying not to get nervous (or borrow trouble) but I will be glad when I know everything looks good :)

Milestone: I’m not really sure..just reaching 18 weeks and almost being 1/2 way there feels like a milestone to me.

Emotions: As you can probably tell by most of this post I am having a hard time with my growing body. The hubs is really quick to remind me that there is a baby in there. It is hard because I am so so so excited to be pregnant and I can’t wait to meet Hudson but my old body image issues are coming back full force. I know some people love being pregnant but I don’t think I am one of them. I love the fact that we are having a baby but I really just can’t wait till he gets here and the pregnancy phase is over. I am hoping I will feel more positive once I start really showing and people can tell there is a baby in there.

* I have to say this before I end. I know that I am complaining a lot about the trivial things of this pregnancy and I am working on them not letting it affect me; but part of writing this blog is to be real and vent some and so I didn’t want to just sugar coat everything and make it seem like I am doing wonderful and feeling great. I have not forgotten how hard it was when we went month after month without getting pregnant and I am praying for all of you who are still going through that struggle. I almost didn’t write this post out of fear that I would offend those who are where we were about 5 months ago, but again I also wanted to be real. So just please know that I haven’t forgotten what it is like and I am praying and crying right along with each one of you!

16 Weeks

2011-05-19T14:40:00.001-07:00

How far along? 16 Weeks

Baby's size? The size of an avocado :)

Weight Gain? I have gained about 8 pounds so far. This whole gaining weight thing is not very fun ..but totally worth it :)

Maternity clothes? um yes, I know I jumped on the bandwagon early but I just hate feeling my pants get tighter.

Stretch marks? none yet

Belly button in or out? still very in!

Sleep? Um that one is okay. I am still getting up about 3-4 times to go pee during the night. Lately I have been waking up at about 3am wide awake and it takes me a while to get back to sleep.

Foods I am loving? Still Watermelon. Since the weather has been pretty cold I think my watermelon consumption has slowed down but it is still there :) I have also still been craving steak and yogurt.

Foods I am hating? None really right now.

Best moment this week? Finding out we are having a little boy :)

Movement? None that I am feeling yet but according to the ultrasounds he is pretty active.

Symptoms? I tried to stop taking the zofran to see if the nausea is still there and it is so I went back on. Other than that I have been feeling pretty good. Some round ligament pain though.

Gender? A Boy :)

What I miss? Long runs. Since it is starting to get nicer outside I am really missing those Saturday morning 8-15 mile runs. I have also been really missing coffee and diet coke!

What I'm looking forward to? Having my belly pop out..I was told the other day that I don’t even look like i’m pregnant. Also, working on the nursery. OH and feeling him move :)

Milestone: the gender reveal

Emotions: Pretty good. I feel that now that we know what we are having it has gotten a lot more real. It is so much fun to be able to call him by name!

It’s a ….

2011-05-16T15:24:00.001-07:00

BOY!!!!!

That’s right folks I will still be the only girl in the household and I am totally excited about that! Last Thursday we had our 15 week appointment and I was really hoping that they would be able to tell what we are having. You see, the hubs is going to be out of town for our next appointment and I really wanted him to be there when we found out! I also really wanted to start planning and I felt like I couldn’t do that till we knew the gender. And my curiosity was killing me!!

First I have to say that I totally love my Dr! He is very laid back and never makes me feel dumb for the crazy questions I ask him. After I finished the dreaded part of the appointment (the scale) I went in the room and waited with the Hubs for the doc. I started getting nervous because I really wanted to know. When the doc came in one of the first things he asked us was whether we wanted to find out the gender. After I enthusiastically told him yes he said it just depending on the position of the baby.

One thing before I go on, for some reason ever since the last appointment the hubs and I really thought it was a boy. So much so that I kept referring to the bambino as a he. I really didn’t care what we were having I just really wanted to know.

So back to the dr’s appointment. He started the ultrasound and guess what we were greeted with??? the back of the bambino’s head. That’s right..the little bugger had his back to us! He does have a lovely spine though :) I was really disappointed and the doc tried to see if he could see anything but no luck :(

Hope was not lost though…

The doc said that if we were really motivated he could do a vaginal ultrasound since it looked like that might be the right angle. I told him to bring it on..we were very motivated! Right away we could see the legs and then he spread them and we all saw it was defiantly a boy! Believe me, there was NO question :) It was really funny because the doc was like “Wow, he is pretty big for only being 15 weeks”, apparently we have a very well endowed little boy and the hubs couldn’t be more proud :)

It is such a relief to know and this weekend I finished registering.

Don’t worry I didn’t forget about the second half of the Maui recap..it has been a crazy week :)

Maui Recap Part 1

2011-05-10T17:03:00.001-07:00

So I am finally getting my butt in gear and sharing our amazing babymoon with you all :)

Quick recap: the Hubs and I decided we wanted to go to Maui for the babymoon. We had thought about going later in my pregnancy but once we looked into prices and our schedules we decided to go the week before Easter.

Both the Hubs and I were supper excited. Neither or us had been to Maui before (I had been to Oahu twice) and we knew the place we were staying was going to be really nice. Also, this was our first long trip in one location together. Due to the Hubs leave situation and the fact that a lot of it is used up visiting family we usually do 3-4 day vacations. Maui however was a glorious 7 nights 8 days!

We left really early on a Sunday morning and I was nervous about the flight. It all went really well though and ended up not feeling supper long. Once we arrived in Maui we got our rental car and headed out.

Here’s the car we ended up getting which felt like of old people-ish to me but it ended up being really nice.

Since Costco is right by the airport we had to stop their first before heading to the resort. It was rather busy (probably because it was a sunday) but not horrible.

We made it to the resort with no problems and enjoyed the beautiful scenery along the way. We had rented a person’s time share week at the Westin Kanapali and it did not disappoint.

The view from our room.

The pool area.

The first day was rather long and by the time we got checked in and marveled at how lucky we were to get to stay here for the next week we also realized we hadn’t eaten in forever and were starving. Our next mission was to get food. We weren’t familiar with the area yet so we ended up at Melting Pot..I love that place so I was totally fine with that :)

Once we got back to the room we both crashed. The next morning (our first official day there) we ended up eating breakfast in the room and then heading to the pool for some nice layout and reading time. That was when I learned that in order to get shade we have to get out very early and reserve a spot. So after about 2 hours is the sun we were ready to explore the area and give our skin a break. We ended up walking about a half a mile down the beach to Dukes ( a very yummy restaurant) and had lunch. That was our first experience with Hula Pie, a Hawaii tradition, and it was yummy! It was like a mud pie with macadamia nut ice cream, Oreo crust and the most yummy hot fudge (my mouth is watering just typing this)! When we got our receipt for the meal it had a coupon for a free Hula Pie with our next purchase of 2 entrees (which ended up being really bad for my waist line because we literally had it probably 5-6 times and didn’t have to pay for it once). The funny thing was that the fist pie that we got our waitress forgot to charge us for it and when we told her she said not to worry about it so we didn’t have to pay for that either :)

The walk back from the restaurant was beautiful and we had our first walk on the beach. We also got so see some Whales..so neat. Here are some pictures of our wonderful walk:

I love climbing trees!

The water felt wonderful :)

The Hubs thought so too :)

After lunch we decided to head back to Costco because I forgot some things the day before. Instead of taking the route we did before we decided to take the more scenic route that would take a little bit longer. Come to find out this road has some beautiful views but was also very windy and at some parts turned into a single lane road with two way traffic. I was really glad the Hubs was driving!

We ended up finding a really nice pullout spot to get some good pictures and hike around.

Again my love for climbing came out as I got to climb so easy rocks..although I probably shouldn’t have worn flip-flops :)

As our adventure continued we came across a little green shack that claimed to have the best banana bread ever! Well I couldn’t let that statement pass so we stopped. We realized once we walked up that we only had 3 dollars in cash (it only took cash) but another nice couple gave us the other 3 dollars needed score our own loaf and it was warm :) We decided after some major taste-testing that it really was good banana bread.

Here’s the little shack.

We finally made it to Costco 2 hours later and took the shorter route back. We ended our night eating yummy pizza and watching the waves crash. I was in heaven and we still had 6 days left in this paradise.

I don’t want to make this too long so more to come..

Welcoming the second Trimester and Happy Mothers Day!

2011-05-08T13:44:00.001-07:00

How far along? 14 weeks (and 4 days) :) I was going to post this on Thursday when I hit 14 weeks but time go away with me. Sidenote – I was so happy to hit week 13 because I thought that was the end of the first trimester only to be told that milestone is hit at week 14…luckily I survived the extra week :)

Baby's size? Little Bambino is now the size of a lemon.

Weight Gain? Yikes I don’t like this one! At my 11 week appointment I was up 5 pounds. Since then I have gained about 2 pounds so that makes a total of 7 pounds. I am still really nervous about gaining too fast!

Maternity clothes? Mostly still regular clothes but I do have one pair of maternity jeans that I love and now I am pretty much forced to use the belly band with my non-maternity pants.

Stretch marks? None yet but I really do need to start putting on lotion or they are going to sneak up on me.

Belly button in or out? In and it still has a long way to go.

Sleep? Off and on. I am having more of a problem with waking up starving/nauseous in the middle of the night. I have been trying to have a snack right before bed but it doesn’t always help. I also have been getting up about 4 times a night to pee.

Foods I am loving? Watermelon. Like seriously! The hubs says I have an addiction since in a week and a half I have gone through 4 large costco watermelon by myself. Kind of pathetic but I figure it is better than being addicted to ice cream or something. I am also craving steak a lot..which is weird since I am not really a red meat eater. One funny thing, I am not normally one to drink alcohol (more because I don’t like drinking my calories) but the last few weeks all I want is a margarita..don’t worry I haven’t given in!

Foods I am hating? Some sweets are still affecting me like the thought of cupcakes makes me feel sick. Other than that I haven’t had anything else make me feel sick.

Best moment this week? Making it to the second trimester!!

Movement? None yet.

Symptoms? So I finally gave in and started taking the Zofran the doctor prescribed me and it is magic! When I take it my nausea is gone. I am going to try and wean myself off it soon though. I guess the only other symptom is a growing tummy and having to pee all the time!

Gender? Can’t wait to find out!!

What I miss? Long runs. Since it is starting to get nicer outside I am really missing those Saturday morning 8-15 mile runs.

What I'm looking forward to? Our 15 week appointment on Thursday!

Milestone: Getting through the first trimester and entering the second!

Emotions: Pretty good. Although I can’t say I am loving pregnancy, it is growing on me (literally) and I wouldn’t trade it for anything! I am just really excited to find out if the little bambino is a he or she :)

Finally, I wanted to say Happy Mothers Day to my wonderful Mommy :) She has been such an amazing example of a Godly woman and mother. Every time I feel nervous about raising this little one I think of my mom and I know I will do okay. We have such an amazing bond and she is truly one of my best friends! I love you mom!

My First Race with the Bambino

2011-05-02T13:48:00.001-07:00

Wow I have a lot to catch you all up on..so I thought I would go in order.

Back in January the Hubs and I signed up for the Salt Lake City 1/2 Marathon. It felt good to have something to train for, especially coming back from an injury. If you have never ran in a race (any distance) be warned..they are addictive!

The SLC 1/2 wasn’t until April 16th so I had a while to get back into long-distance shape. I had worked up to about 8 miles when I found out I was pregnant. Once I found out I was so worried that I would hurt the baby or do something to mess up the pregnancy that after a few shorter runs I stopped running altogether. I was still working out but a lot lower impact and mostly workout dvd’s. I had talked to the nurse on base and she said that although I might be able to run the 1/2, she didn’t recommend running that far during the pregnancy. I had pretty much decided that I wasn’t going to run but it is really hard for me to just sit on the sidelines. I finally came up with the brilliant idea of switching from the 1/2 to the 5K..I mean I should totally be able to run 3 miles…right??? The race people were really nice and let me switch it without a problem.

The weeks went by and I attempted running a couple times, but running while nauseous really isn’t fun. The only thing that kept me going was the cute shirt that I had made :)

The week before the race I was in Cali at the beach with my family. I flew in two days before the race and we were leaving the day after the race for Maui. It was a crazy weekend! One of the things I was really worried about was getting up early. It seems that the earlier I get up the sicker I am. A few days before I finally gave in and started taking the Zofran the doctor had given me for the nausea..it is magical! I totally didn’t get sick anymore and haven’t really since then (well expect the flight home from maui but that is a different story).

I was kind of nervous the day of the race because I realized that I hadn’t run at all for two weeks and hadn’t run more than 2 miles since I found out I was pregnant. I figured I could just walk/run and I tried to remind myself not to get wrapped up in the completive part and just take it easy. We got their pretty early because the hubs had to be there earlier for the 1/2.

The fun part was that the race started and ended in an outdoor shopping center in downtown SLC (the Gateway for anyone familiar with the area). Too bad it was too early for the shops to be open :) Although it was really cold waiting for the race to start, it went better than I expected. I think the worst part was that the first 1/2 was mostly uphill (gradual) and for someone who hasn’t ran for a while that was a little tough. I defiantly went slower than I did pre-bambino! I only had to walk up one steep hill and I did okay running the rest. It was so much fun and it reminded me how much I love running :)

I was tired but I was really careful not to overdue anything. When I left for the race that morning I planned for this to be my last race before the little bambino arrives. However, there was a girl behind me who was about 6-7 months pregnant and when I saw her finish the 5k I made the goal of running a few more 5 k’s in the coming months and I am hoping to be able to run the Air Force 5k in September. The hubs is running the full and I had planned on running with him before the baby so it would be fun to still be a part of it. I am playing it by ear though and I will see how I am doing around that time.

So anyways, our little bambino has now completed it’s first race :) And just so everyone knew I had to make this shirt:

It might be hard to read but it says “Little Marathoner in training”.

Stay tuned for the Maui recap and a baby update :)

Unprepared..

2011-04-07T13:17:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I left the house totally unprepared for my new current state. Let me explain…

In my pre-pregnancy life I rarely ate lunch. I usually would eat breakfast, snack on cereal or crackers during the day and then eat dinner. Therefore I could leave and run errands all afternoon and not worry about brining snacks (besides my bag of crackers) or having to stop somewhere to get something to eat. Because of that, I now have a hard time figuring out what to eat for lunch..I know that may sound weird but it is hard to break old habits even when your stomach is turning from hunger. For the most part it hasn’t been a huge issue because most days I end up meeting the hubs for lunch and will either share something with him or get my own thing. However, if I am by myself I refuse to get fast food or stop to get something to eat.

Until yesterday when I realized that my pregnant body can no longer survive on 2 meals a day.

I did my usual throw up two times in the morning, try to gag down breakfast and then wait to feel better. It has been taking me a lot longer to get anything done in the mornings lately (it’s a good thing I am not working right now)! Anyways, Wednesday mornings I attend a women's bible study through my church which starts at 9:30am. I had missed the last month and a half due to travel and not feeling well so even though I was still feeling sick I decided to just go.

Sidenote: I was so glad I did because God really spoke to some things I have been dealing with and the ladies are so amazing! It’s funny the things satan uses to keep us away from fellowship sometimes.

Since the study is in an area that I rarely go on the weekdays but is near Costco I decided to run some errands after. I had my saltines in my purse but I knew as I was heading to target that they wouldn’t be enough to stop the hunger and nausea I was feeling. I kept telling myself to just push though and not think about it as I walked through the store. I think that is the quickest I have made it out of target in a while :) Then I headed to Costco. I had to get some stuff for dinner so I had no choice. I prayed as I walked in that they would have some good samples that would at least help for a minute. To my dismay they were defiantly lacking in samples yesterday. As I stood in the checkout line I was rocking back and forth on my heals praying that I wouldn’t get sick or pass out (and getting some strange looks).

Back in my car I thought “I just need to make it home”. However home was still a little ways away.

That’s when it happened folks…

I couldn’t help it, the next thing I knew I was pulling through the drive thru at Del Taco and ordering a soft taco. I just couldn’t take it anymore. When the tummy is yelling it’s hard to ignore :) I ate 1/2 the taco on the way home and finished it after I unloaded the groceries at home. Although it tasted good I felt horribly guilty for giving in and getting fast food. But I learned my lesson..never leave unprepared! I know several of my preggo friends had warned me to carry lots of snack but I guess I had to learn in on my own :)

PS I think I have never been so aware of where every public bathroom is located until now :)

Travel Mania

2011-04-05T12:41:00.001-07:00

I feel like I have been on the road as much as I have been home this last month or so. At the beginning of March we left for Washington DC for a fun anniversary trip and family time..complete with spilling the news of the bambino (which the story is still to come). Then I was home for two days and headed to Bako via car to spend a week with my family and friends and let the magical neighborhood know in person of the new addition that will be here in November (that story is coming too). It was such a nice time and I enjoyed every minute of it but it is nice to be home.

However, after a week and a half at home I am heading out again. My folks have a timeshare in Southern Cali and before we even knew about the little bambino I had made plans to meet them in Carlsbad, CA to enjoy their vacation with them :) The hubs has to work so he can’t come…sadness.

Originally I was going to spend the whole week there with them but then I realized that the Salt Lake City 1/2 Marathon that the Hubs and I were signed up for was the last weekend of the trip so I have to come back a little early. Now before anyone freaks (by anyone I mean my caring and somewhat worrier family) I am not running the 1/2 as originally planned. The race administration was nice enough to let me switch it to the 5k which is good since I really haven’t felt like running that much lately. I can barely make it 2-3 miles (I was up to 8-10 before I found out). I have actually taken up my old love of workout dvd’s…the running is just really hard on me right now. I figure that I can run/walk the 3.1 miles so that the registration money doesn't go to waste. I also really hate sitting on the sidelines. I had the cutest shirt made that says “Little Marathoner in Training” and I promise I will post pictures once the race is done.

One of the many things newly preggo couples are told to think about is a babymoon. Now I will take any excuse to go on vacation so I jumped at mentioning that to the Hubs. My dad is the travel king and while I was in bako with them he helped me find a great deal on a trip to Maui. Even typing those words makes me giddy with excitement :) I have been to Oahu several times but never to Maui and the Hubs has never been to any part of Hawaii. We were planning on taking the trip in May (due to prices and the Hubs being gone the month of June) but when we worked out everything we ended up moving the trip to April. So the day after the SLC 1/2 Marathon the Hubs and I are boarding a plane to Maui for a week.

I am supper excited but also a little nervous because I will be at the very end of my first trimester so I am hoping the morning sickness will die down some. It has been steadily getting worse (from not throwing up, to throwing up once in the morning and now it is throwing up twice every morning). Luckily though it is mostly just in the morning so the rest of the day should be okay. I know I shouldn’t complain because it could be a lot worse than that and it is totally worth it!

I know I will have internet in Southern Cali but I don’t know about Maui so if I seem absent that is why. These last two months has been a crazy travel time but I will take anything to get out of this cold spring here in Utah..I am going crazy for some warm weather!!

What are your travel plans this summer?

9 Weeks

2011-03-31T10:03:00.001-07:00

I am really excited to present to the blog world my first Bambino update :)

*note to you all it might not look like it that much but I am already starting to get a little baby pooch. These were taken right after I got up close and personal with the toilet but I knew if I waited to take them later I would forget :)

How far along? 9 Weeks :)

Baby's size? Little Bambino is now the size of a green olive

Weight Gain? I have no idea. I haven’t weighed myself in a while (on purpose). I had to gain some weight to get pregnant and I knew looking at the number would freak me out so I didn’t weigh myself. At the first OB appointment I didn’t look but I think I might suck it up and weigh myself just to keep track. I’m a little nervous about gaining too much weight. We shall see if I get up enough nerve :)

Maternity clothes? I actually did buy a pair of maternity jeans that allow me to wear flats (all my non-maternity jeans are really long). I love them! I have decided that since I like my jeans on the loose side I would rather not feel them get tighter on me..I guess I like being oblivious.

Stretch marks? None yet but I really do need to start putting on lotion or they are going to sneak up on me.

Belly button in or out? In

Sleep? Very nice. I am getting really nauseous at night but as soon as I hit the pillow I'm out. I usually have to get up to go pee about 2-3 times so not bad. Sometimes if I get up then the nausea hits and it takes me a while to get back to sleep.

Foods I am loving? Fruit..I am totally craving fruit! Also, for a person that doesn’t like meat that much I sure have been craving it a lot. Which is good because I know the little bambino needs protein. I have also been loving yogurt. I have to carry around my trusty saltine crackers although more out of necessity than taste. Oh and pizza :)

Foods I am hating? Sweets. I had a huge sweet tooth before getting pregnant and now even the thought of sugar makes my stomach lurch. I guess that’s good because then I don’t eat it.

Best moment this week? Well this was actually a few weeks ago but getting to see the little bambino and hear the heartbeat!

Movement? None yet.

Symptoms? Oh the nausea :( I am lucky that I am not sick all day but at least the last week I throw up once in the morning and just feel sick the rest of the day. I am also very tired.

Gender? Can’t wait to find out!!

What I miss? Waking up in the morning and not throwing up. I used to be such a morning person but now I dread it. I wouldn’t give it up for anything! Overall I am so grateful to be pregnant!

What I'm looking forward to? Making it to the 2nd trimester and our next OB appointment on April 14th.

Milestone: Hearing the heartbeat :)

Emotions: Well I have to say that my emotions tend to be all over the place but pure joy and excitement are the main ones. I am trying not to worry too much and I have decided that although it is good to be aware of what can go wrong, I can’t read a lot about it because then I get all freaked out.

A Huge Thank You

2011-03-28T12:53:00.001-07:00

I was truly overwhelmed by the comments from all you lovely bloggers after our announcement of the little bambino! It still amazes me the bonds you can form with people through the blog world having never actually met them in person. Each and every one of you is so special to me :)

Before I forget, since I didn’t put it on the last post, I am almost 9 weeks (it will be 9 on Thursday) and my due date is November 3rd. I still have a hard time believing this is all happening..although the throwing up and nausea help me come back to reality! But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I had planned to follow up the last post with the stories of how we told each family (and that is still to come) but honestly I haven’t felt up to writing that much. Although I am not violently sick, my energy level is low and when I am feeling a little better I have been trying to get things done around the house. I still plan to post the stories and give my first update on Thursday (wow I better get on the ball)!

Anyways, I just wanted to thank everyone for the love, prayers and support you have shown me! I can’t even being to explain how much it means to me.

And one final thing, I know many of you who read my blog are still waiting on God for His timing to bless you with a little one. I am praying for you each and every day. I feel incredibly blessed that God has given us this little one but I haven’t forgotten the years of waiting and how hard it is. You ladies inspire me and I think the world of you. I also don’t blame you if it is too hard to read about my pregnancy (believe me there were times when I just wanted to throw the computer in the trash). I am here for anyone if you need to vent or have any questions. Just e-mail me at bakogrl at gmail dot com. Although it is hard to believe (and I was truly a doubting Thomas) God does have his perfect timing and I am praying that it will be soon for you!

HUGE NEWS.. a Post I have been dreaming of for 2 years!!

2011-03-22T11:59:00.001-07:00

The first thing I have to say is that even though I sometimes doubted..God can work miracles and He does it in His perfect timing!!

The second thing I have to say is that We Are Pregnant!!!

Those of you who have been following my blog for a while know what a long and emotional journey this has been for us but once we saw that BFP it made it all worth it. I can’t even begin to thank you all for your prayers and support these last few years. One of the most amazing things about the story I am about to share is that it happened during a time where it could only be God.

Now here is the story of how we found out :)

One of the last posts I wrote I was really discouraged and talked about how I felt that the surgery didn’t work. I was really thinking that once we got back from DC I would begin making the appointments with the specialist. At the same time though I had been praying non-stop that we would get pregnant without having to do the shots again and before we left for DC (so that we could tell the hubs family in person).

My first cycle after the surgery was very confusing. The doctor had told me not to do the temp charting and I didn’t really have any CM so I had no idea when I was ovulating. Per Dr. B’s instructions she had put me on Metformin and I was to start taking progesterone on day 17 for 10 days. Since my cycles are rather long I was a little hesitant to start the progesterone that soon so I ended up calling the Dr just to make sure and then starting the progesterone on day 21. At the end of the 10 days I took two pregnancy tests and both were negative. We took it all in stride and I formed a better game plan for the next month.

Usually after I go off the progesterone AF arrives about a day or two later. However, 10 days went by and the dreaded lady was not in sight. I lightly mentioned to the hubs that maybe I should take another pregnancy test “just to make sure” since we were leaving for our trip soon and I really didn’t want to start then (not like I had any control). We ended up going to target and getting the cheap off brand on Saturday Feb 26th. The next day, Sunday morning, I got up and decided to go ahead and take the test. Usually I am really nervous but this time I wasn’t because I thought there was no way I would be pregnant (I mean I had went off the progesterone). You can imagine my shock and disbelief when I saw that plus sign! I called the hubs in but since one of the lines was a little faint we weren’t sure.

We ended up picking up another pregnancy test on our way to breakfast. The one that says “pregnant” so there would be no mistake. I was a nervous wreck during the breakfast and right before we were getting ready to leave and head to church I went in the bathroom at Mimi’s and took the test. I had to look away since it felt like it took forever to process but once I looked down and saw the “pregnant” I freaked out right there in the public restroom. Luckily I was the only one in there :) I ran to the table where the Hubs was and showed him. He was thrilled. It was so hard to keep it in during church and I totally couldn’t concentrate.

I knew we still needed to take the blood test and I was a little worried about my progesterone since I went of the meds. Monday morning I was able to get a blood test and had to wait the torturous two hours to find out the results. However, when the nurse called I was ecstatic to hear that I was pregnant and my progesterone was great..no need to go back on the meds.

We ended up making the first OB appointment for after we got back from our trip since we were leaving that friday. The nurse said that she thought I was about 6 weeks when I found out but I knew that I wasn’t that far a long (since I had gotten the negatives tests earlier). I was so afraid that it was going to go away and I have to admit that I took another pregnancy test a few days later to make sure it was still positive. I was really tired but I didn’t start feeling sick until about 1/2 way through our trip. I had a couple of rough throw up days but nothing horrible.

We had our first OB appointment on March 15th and it was amazing! We got see the little bambino and hear the heart beat. I can’t even explain how special that was. I told the doc that I was afraid that there wasn’t a baby in there but he showed me the proof :)

He also took me off the Metformin which has really helped with the morning sickness. I found out that I was really 6 weeks 5 days (not 8 weeks like they thought). Dr. D said that everything looked great and he could tell by a dark spot on the ultrasound that I might have some bleeding. I was so grateful that he told me because I would have totally freaked out. Luckily I haven’t had any yet though.

The Hubs and I are beyond thrilled!! God is so great and He works in amazing ways. I still get nervous that something might happen but I am learning to trust and lean on God more and more each day. Also I think I still have a hard time believing that this happened and without any shots! Stay tuned for how we broke the news and pictures :)

Off to Washington DC..

2011-03-04T09:21:00.001-08:00

Even though I am not the most consistent with my blogging frequency I thought I would give you all fair warning that I will be absent for the next 10 days. Why’s that?? Well glad you asked …we are heading off to Washington DC today!!

Being married to a military man means living away from family and therefore means turning every vacation into a family visit as well. Which we totally love! This time we decided to celebrate our 4 year anniversary along with a mini family reunion. We totally can’t wait! Here is a breakdown of the trip:

Arrive and spend the first few days celebrating our anniversary at the Ritz Carlton..yippy!

Then spending some time with my wonderful in-laws.

Then we head down to NJ for a night so that I can renew my divers license (since I refuse to take the written test to get one in Utah) and more importantly get to see my best friend and her new little guy!

Then we head back to DC and spend more time with our family which includes the arrival of my SIL and BIL :)

It promises to be a great time of eating, relaxing, shopping, and family time!

I will be back though..so don’t fret :)

Well now I am off to enjoy my week of vacation!

There was a Horse in Our House this Weekend..

2011-03-01T17:38:00.001-08:00

You read right…a horse :) Well actually a great dane but they are pretty much the same ..right? And guess what? We enjoyed every minute of it :)

I was a little curious at how the Charles was going to take it..you know not being the big dog of the house but he did really well! One of the Hubs best friends spend Friday night and Saturday morning with us and he came complete with Dawson (his 5 year old Great Dane). Since the Hubs doesn’t get to hang out with his friend a lot I offered to puppy sit while they went out to dinner on Friday night. Since Dawson out-weighed me by a lot I was hoping this wouldn’t become an issue (especially since the Charles already pulls me everywhere).

Once the boys got to our house the introductions were made, the dogs were behaving and the big boys headed out. The cool thing about great danes is that they don’t do a lot. Basically they just lay down for the most part. Dawson brought his bed along with him so he slept on that most of the time. I had to take them out to go potty once but it was actually really easy because Dawson was so well behaved that he didn’t need a leash so I just had to handle the Charles. It was kind of funny though because right when the hubs and his friend left for dinner I guess the dogs had to determine who was now the man of the house and so they had a little tiff..but nothing too much.

It was so great to get to spend time with friends and I just loved having another dog in the house!

By the way, I have to apologize for my absence. It seems like a lot has been going on (although I can’t recall what) and at night I just don’t have the mental energy to blog or even read blogs! We are heading out of town for 10 days on Friday so I am hoping that once we get back I will get back in the bloggy grove!

Another Month with no Bambino

2011-02-16T12:10:00.001-08:00

It’s funny..as much as I knew it probably wouldn’t happen this month, as much as I kept telling myself (and the hubs) not to get our hopes up and as much as I tried not to plan for the “what-if’s” all in an effort for it to be less painful, less disappointing; it didn’t make any difference.

Today I took a pregnancy test and was greeted by the dreaded BFN. Shocker..I know.

The reason that I took the test is because today is my last day of progesterone for this month and I needed to be sure I wasn’t pregnant before I stopped taking it. I tried so hard this month not to get my hopes up, especially with all the confusion on when to take the progesterone. I don’t even think I ovulated..yet it still was really hard to see those words. I think I was really nervous all night because I didn’t sleep well and had a dream that we got a positive test. Unfortunately it was only and dream and it has yet to become a reality.

The last few days I had allowed myself to plan what we would do if it was positive and although it made it harder I don’t regret it because it helped keep my sanity. However, I kept warning the hubs that we shouldn’t be planning anything because when we do it always turns out negative.

I was very down this morning and really didn’t want to go to bible study. However, I went and God used that time to show me that it is not all about me and my wants or desires. Not that they are bad but he might have other plans. I feel a little better now and I am excited about what he has in store for us. I just wish I could shake the feeling that it is one more month lost or one more month closer to realizing it is never going to happen. Sorry but that is the honest truth. I think I am struggling with what to pray. I know that God tells us to ask for the desires of our hearts but I also know that He has a plan for my life and I have submitted to do His will. Right now I am praying for a little bambino (and soon)but I am also praying that if He has something else for us to change the desires of our hearts.

Anyways, I didn’t mean to be such a downer today I just wanted to keep you all in the loop as to what is going on here. I feel like I have a decent game plan for next month and then if we are still not pregnant I will start the process of seeing the RE again (well a new one) and probably starting a more aggressive treatment plan. I think right now though the Charles and I are going to cuddle on the couch and have some quality mommy/puppy bonding time while catching up on shows :)

Random Life Snapshots

2011-02-15T14:18:00.001-08:00

So I have really slacked in writing anything lately. Bad me! I think that every time I sit down to write something there is so much going on in my head that I want to share that I just don’t know where to start. So instead of putting it off any longer I decided it would be better to give you all some snapshots (bullet points) of my life lately.

So here we go (in a very random order)..

- Even though we had a strict no valentines present rule the hubs surprised me and had flowers delivered to our house :)

- I had agreed to take a really short-term temp job (10 hours a week for 3 weeks) but when I went to my first day yesterday it was a disaster. I called the temp agency right after to let them know it wasn’t going to work out. They were really understanding and it brought to light some things that they needed to be aware of. So the flowers really helped brighten up my day (see above)!

- Our couch that we have had for just over two years broke last week :( I love this couch and it is still workable but on the amazing advise of my mommy, we talked to the customer service at Costco (were the said couch was bought) and they agreed to take it back..yay! So guess what that meant, well basically spending all day saturday shopping for a new couch and after a lot of looking found almost the exact same one in a lighter color at RC Willey for about $100 less that what we are getting back for the old couch. Score! We still need to actually take the old couch back but we need to figure it out so that we have very minimal time without a couch because that would severely hinder our TV watching..not good.

- We have had such amazing weather this week..like in the high 50’s and I am so glad because that means that there isn’t any snow on the ground. Now I had nothing against snow on the ground until the charming Charles decided that it is his job to eat up all the snow and will whine at the door until i take him out to “do his job”. We don’t have a yard so I actually have to take him out on a leash and it was getting way out of hand. Now if I could just get him to stop whining every time I am on the phone I would be very grateful (seriously, yesterday i had to lock myself in the bathroom while on a business call because he was whining so loud)!

- I am almost done with my first round of Progesterone and have bought a new thermometer and some other helpful things to hopefully make the next cycle a success. Lately though my lower back has been killing me and I can’t figure out why. Did anyone have this problem while taking Metformin and Progesterone? I have also be really nauseous and on Sunday while sitting on the couch I almost blacked out. My back is the most annoying thing though because it will wake me up at night sometimes and just makes the days extra tough. I have taken different stuff but nothing seems to really help. The hubs and I have massages this weekend and I am so looking forward to that!

- Speaking of medication, Ever since I increased my dose of Metformin my sugar and coffee intake has suffered. Not because of my I don’t like them but because I feel sick after consuming them. So sad but I am sure my waist line appreciates it.

- The hubs and I signed up for the SLC 1/2 marathon in April so that means I am back on a training plan. Luckily my knee has been very nice to me lately and I was very grateful to realize that it didn’t hurt at all on satruday after running 7 miles. Hopefully the trend will continue.

- The hubs and I joined a home group with our church a couple weeks ago and it has been such a blessing. We had been wanting to join one but never actually followed through with it. We have received so much encouragement there and all of the couples are so amazing! It has also really helped both of us feel more connected to Utah and more settled for the time being.

- We went to Ikea on Saturday and I found the most adorable baby fabric that would totally go with the decor for a girls room that I want to do if we ever have one. So of course I had to buy it! This lead to the hubs and I to discussing baby names all sunday morning and luckily we are on the same page for the most part. We keep joking that we have everything set but the baby and that is the most crucial point! It did make me realize thought that a lot of people that I know IRL are pregnant right now and one of by main fears/concerns is that they will take our coveted names..I don’t really know how I would handle that.

- In three weeks we will be heading to Washington DC to stay in the Ritz Carlton for three nights and then visit family. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am. Oh yeah and during our trip we will celebrate our 4th anniversary!

I don’t want to overwhelm you all too much so I will have more later :) Overall we are doing well. I have to admit though I have had a tough couple of weeks trying not to get discouraged about the baby stuff. I wanted to thank those of you who have been praying for us..we really appreciate it!

An Update

2011-02-06T17:28:00.001-08:00

First I want to say thank you all for your suggestions and most importantly your prayers and encouragement. I know a lot of you have suggested charting my temperature and my CM. Honestly it was really good to read all of the comments, they all helped remind me that I am not alone in this struggle. So again, thank you!

Warning for the following, if you are a guy or don’t want to hear about all the female stuff feel free to stop reading now.

Moving along, I did try charting my temperature for two months before I had the surgery. I have ran into a couple problems though. First, my temp seems to run really low (like in the 96 range) which was lower than what the chart measured. About half way through the first month I found a chart for lower temps and started using that but I was still concerned by the low temp. Now I kind of wonder if it also had something to do with my thermometer which took like a minute and a half to get my final temp read (so annoying)! I showed the chart to Dr. B and she said that it looked like an ovulary cycle but she still didn’t fully think that I ovulated and my cycles were very irregular. Dr. B said that she doesn’t recommend charting temp because according to her it is not reliable and there are other more reliable ways to see if I have ovulated.

I asked her again about charting after I had the surgery and was going to be waiting two months before treatments but her answer was still the same with the addition of using the OPK’s and taking Metformin and Progesterone. Like I said in the previous post, she told me to take the progesterone on day 17 of my cycle incase I ovulate late and take it for 10 days. At that time I didn’t think to ask her what to do if I haven’t ovulated by day 17 (which is the main reason for all of these frantic posts)! Since my last appointment with Dr. B she has moved to a different practice so I can’t get in contact with her to clarify. I haven’t been charting because she seemed so against it.

However, after hearing from all of you lovely ladies I am going to start charting again next cycle (with the help of a new thermometer). One of my other problems is that I am very dry. Like in zero CM. I know that CM is very helpful in detecting ovulation so not having any makes everything even more confusing. I had started freaking out about all of the negative OKP’s but after hearing from others that they never worked for them I feel a little better.

Now back to taking the progesterone. This has been the most confusing part. I hate feeling so in the dark and everyone has been really helpful but in the end I have to figure out when to take it. I really don’t want to do anything to mess up our chances so I have just been a little spooked about taking it since I don’t know if I have ovulated. The hubs and I talked about not taking it this cycle since I am unsure and then trying it the next cycle. I have also thought about waiting until day 21 or so and then taking it. After talking to a friend of ours that is an OB today I think I have formed a plan for this cycle.

He explained to me that part of having me take it on day 17 is to try and get me more regulated. To him it sounds like I am probably not going to get pregnant this cycle so he suggested to start taking it now for the 10 days (since it is day 19 of my cycle). He did think it was a good idea to take a pregnancy test before I stop taking it just to be safe. I am going to call Dr. B’s old office tomorrow (where I have been going) to make sure I should take it. If I get the go from them then I am going to start the progesterone tomorrow and make sure I am not pregnant before I go off of it!

I know this is a lot of info but I just wanted to give an update to all of you who asked me what I have tried and have been so encouraging! I will make sure and keep you all updated! Boy is this hard work :)

The Progesterone Dilemma

2011-02-03T13:43:00.001-08:00

As I was thinking about writing this post I realized that a lot of my fellow infertiles are now past this stage and have their own little one (in or out of the womb). It didn’t make me as depressed as it usually does but it did make me wonder if you all are tired of hearing about treatments and meds and all that. All that to say that I will try to add in some non-fertility material to mix it up some :)

After this post though..because right now I could use some input from those of you who have been through or are going through or know something about all the fertility treatment stuff.

I know I have already filled you all in on what we are doing right now but to recap (in case you missed it). I had the surgery to remove a cyst and some endometriosis and fluid. Since that could have been one of the main reasons for us not getting pregnant Dr. B wants us to try naturally for two months (along with the help of Metformin and Progesterone). Since I had gotten so used to be monitored and told every day what to do..well at first I felt a little lost. Actually I still feel a little lost and although it is nice not to have to give myself shots everyday, I miss knowing exactly what is going on (and that something is going on). I think my comfort zone is in the clinic and so this is a little out of my comfort area when it comes to baby making..although it is also a lot less clinical.

Okay so here is my dilemma. Since I haven’t really had normal cycles I don’t really know when or if I ovulate. Because of that the doctor told me to use the ovulation predictor kit. She also said that I should start taking the progesterone at about day 17 (for 10 days) incase I ovulate late (because taking it before ovulation can mess up the ovulation). Today is day 16 and according to my stupid ovulation predictor kit (I am getting so tired a POAS and only getting negative results) I still haven’t ovulated. My last cycle was about 44 days (it had been about 50+ before the surgery if I even had a period). So I am wondering if I should wait until day 22 or so to start taking the progesterone? If I haven’t ovulated then I wont get pregnant anyways so it shouldn’t harm anything to wait..should it? I don’t want to take the chance of taking it too soon and then messing up the whole ovulation thing. Dr. B said the first cycle after the surgery I might not ovulate so am I just waiting for nothing?

Boy do I miss getting the calls from the nurse and being in the know about what is going on! In the back of my mind I know that if it is the month for us to get pregnant then it will happen..but that isn’t necessarily helping right now.

So if you have any advise or suggestions feel free to pass them along :) Right now I think I am really leaning to wait at least a couple days more (like to day 21 or 22 before starting the progesterone).

A New Look for a New Chapter in Life

2011-02-01T14:42:00.001-08:00

I truly believe that God provides different chapters in a person’s life for different reasons (ones that we may never know). Sometimes the content of the chapter may be similar but details or the reason behind the change is different. Those of you who read my last post (and thank you all of the encouragement) know that I have been having mixed feeling about this new chapter. But after a lot of praying and letting go I am starting to really settle in and enjoy what God has in store for us.

Today in bible study we talked about how God can throw interruptions into our lives and it is how we respond to those interruptions that God uses. These interruptions can be anything that causes the course of our self-planned life to detour. For me, I always thought that when we were ready to have kids we would have them. Well we all know that God has detoured my plans in that area. But it is not up to me to question why he does things, instead I have to chose to look at it as His divine intervention. He may have other methods for us to have kids or He may a have a specific time for me to get pregnant, whatever it may be I am going to joyfully (although sometimes I may not sound so joyful) settle into these detours because God is the one who is driving here :)

Okay so now onto a lighter note…I have entered the domestic world again and I have missed it!! I decided last night after really enjoying my first day work free that my blog need a make-over to reflect this new change. It feels really nice to have the house all clean and be able to meet the hubs for lunch. I am also proud to announce that I finally started cooking again …by the way if you are looking for really flavorful Pasta recipes Giada De Laurentiis has some really yummy stuff! I actually made a menu for the week and went real grocery shopping (not just picking up diet soda and frozen dinners). So here is to embracing change and really trying to listen to what God is doing in our life.

Mixed Emotions

2011-01-26T16:57:00.001-08:00

There have been a lot of emotions throw around lately. Blame it on the hormones or desperate wanting of a little bambino or whatever but I have been one emotional gal as of late! I know and have known for a while that I tend to act on my emotions so I have been working hard to pray about things, wait them out and make sure that I am making a well rounded decision (well as best as I can). That has worked well for some things and some things I don't have a choice (i.e. the fertility stuff), but there are also times where no matter how much I try to think through things and pray about them the emotions still play a big role and I get so confused. Don't worry I have a point to all of this and I am getting to it :)

One of the main areas that I am referring to has to do with working. During the end of our time in New Jersey I had decided to stop working which ended up being a huge blessing because the time commitment of the fertility treatments I underwent out there would have made working really difficult. Yes, money was tighter but we adjusted and didn't notice it that much. Then the hubs got deployed and we moved out of our house and I stayed with my folks for those months allowing us to save a lot of money. Getting used to having more money is not always a good thing! By the time we moved to Utah (though I had vowed not to work out here either) I was in desperate need of a break from the fertility treatments and had the itch to work again. Yes those emotions came into play and I ignored all of the reasons that I had held tightly to for the last year as to why I didn't want to work. After filling out what seemed like hundreds of applications I ended up getting in touch with a Staffing Agency that I had previously been signed up with in NJ.

They have been great and were able to get me a temporary job right away. For me the idea of a temporary job is great because I don't need health insurance and that way I am not being forced to commit to a long period of time. I was really excited until I got to the job and was greeted with zero work. Apparently they thought they would be getting more work in for this project but it ended up drying up pretty quick. About a week and a half after starting this new job it was over. I contacted the Staffing Agency right away excited for what they had next for me (apparently the itch to work was still active). Again they were great and landed me a job with the same bank in a different department making more than I have made before. I also got to work with Aircraft which was really neat because the Hubs works with Aircraft and so it made me understand his passions a little more :) This assignment was another temporary one that was to last for three months and ended at the end of December. As I got more into the project I really enjoyed the work and the people I was working with. The commute though was not that fun since it was anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour one way. The more I worked the more I realized I didn't have time to do anything else. Also, the more I made the more we spent..usually how it goes :) So although we were able to do a lot of things that we might not have been able to do if I wasn't working, we weren't really saving that much money. The days were long, the weeks were fast and the weekends were filled with trying to catch up on cleaning and other things I had slacked off on during the week.

Also, due to the Hubs current schedule he would get home about two hours before me each day and then we would both go to bed really early (like old people early) so we basically didn't get to see much of each other. As the assignment went on the itch to work slowly died and the itch for a baby came back full force. If you have been reading my blog for the past few months you can probably see the transition. It has been hard and stressful and since I jumped right into working after we moved here I really don't have any friends in Utah to lean on. Don't get me wrong the hubs is great but I started realizing the need for those location close girlfriends. Since there had been a lot of talk about extending my assignment time and everyone seemed to be really pleased with my work I had a big decision to make: Keep working and postpone the longings of my heart (friendships and a baby) or decided to decline the extension. A few weeks before the end of December I made the decision. I let both the bank and the staffing agency know that we were going to start fertility treatments again and that I wouldn’t' be able to keep working. Although it was hard, the decision was made and I felt good.

Until..

My supervisor at work basically came up to me and asked what it would take to keep me here. Now that is nice to hear, don't get me wrong, but it once again threw my plans into a tailspin and I had another decision to make. We decided that I would try to work part-time and see how that worked out on both ends. They were really good about giving me the time off for my surgery and they said over and over that they would be very flexible in the days that I wanted to work as long as I got the hours in. It was great but the commute was still hard and now driving that long for less hours was something to consider. Let me say this before I continue…I totally love the people that I have been working with and I really enjoy the work so that made these decisions even harder.

I prayed a lot about it and still wasn’t sure what to do. The surgery came and my recovery was a lot harder than I thought it would be. During that time I had a lot of doubts about continuing working. I had also recently joined the Officers Spouses Club and am now the Treasure for it and the Membership Co-Chair. I started seeing the different ways to get involved and meet people and also started to see how they would conflict with working (even part time). I also was so tired that even the thought of going to work made me want to burst into tears..those darn emotions again!

During our quick trip to Cali I made the decision to put in my notice and stop working all together. Although we didn't know the outcome of the surgery yet the doctor had basically already said that we would probably have to do the shots again and I knew the time commitment of that. I was just ready to be done and I had also realized that by me not working we might actually save more money because I have time to cook and be more strict about the budget.

On the drive back to Utah I called the staffing agency and let them know my decision. They were really understanding and even suggested that I go on the on-call list incase I want to work a fill-in day here and there. My goal as I went to work the next day was to get through these last two weeks. However, when I got to work I somehow got this renewed passion for work and now I am very sad to leave. I am really going to miss everyone at work and even the work itself. Also, once we went to doctor and found out that we won't be starting treatments right away (and hopefully never) I started to feel guilty for putting my notice in too quick. But what is done is done and there was no going back.

I know that once I am done and getting more involved I probably feel good about my decision. I truly do think my heart is at home supporting my hubs and hopefully growing our family. I am trying not to freak-out about the money thing. I know we will be fine but it doesn't make it any less scary. Today when I was reading my devotions God clearly was reminding me that as long as I am focused on Him and what he is calling me to do then He will work out the rest (including money and family). So that is what I am going to do. I am going to focus on what God is calling me to do and leave the rest up to him. I am going to try and acknowledged and then get rid of all the extra emotions that are making me crazy and feeling so wishy-washy (the one's which I know are not from God). I know God will work everything out and I think this is one more step of learning how to truly lean on Him for everything! I am really looking forward to seeing what God has in-store for us these next few months..I think sometimes I let Satan into my head and mess with my emotions. Being an adult and making these decisions is so hard some times!

One last thing: I realize that there are many people out there who are looking for jobs and I am very sensitive to the fact that this post might be frustrating and I apologize if I offended anyone. I know finding a job is a tough thing and I am praying for those of you how I know are looking. To you it might seem like I am throwing away this job opportunity but I am just trying to follow where I feel God is leading me and my family.

So I know this was a rather long and wordy post and if you stayed with me to the end..well thank you!! I just needed to get it out on paper (or blog) so I could get it out of my head :)

Some Good News On the Doctor Front

2011-01-23T16:28:00.001-08:00

So I figured I have left you all hanging long enough for the post-op results from the Doctor.

We had the appointment on Thursday afternoon (remember I knew nothing of what they did or found for the last two weeks). The hubs came with me which I was so thankful..he is a great support! Anyways, after a little mix up with the nurse – there are way to many Ashley’s in this world – we made it back to the room to wait for the doctor. I told the hubs that I was just sure they would come in and say “oh we didn’t find anything” which would be nice and very frustrating at the same time! I was also a little scared that they would say my tubes were blocked or something.

However, neither one was the case. Once the doctor came in she went over all the details of the pictures and what was done. Oh but first I had to explain to her in way too much detail how I was feeling and how the recovery had went, sometimes I think I give way too much information but I can’t stop myself! Okay, back to what the doc said. She explained that they had removed a cyst from outside of my ovary, which was the reason stated for the surgery. I also had a lot of fluid build up behind my uterus and some endometriosis (which caused the fluid build up). They got rid of fluid and the endometriosis and my tubes were all clear..yay! I think I have said this before but she has explained to us that with endometriosis, the inflammation and fluid can be toxic to the sperm and basically kill the little guys before they have a chance to get to the egg. It can also mess up ovulation and make your CM very acidic which also kills the sperm.

She went on to explain that since they have removed all of that my fertility should increase significantly for the next 6 months. She said everything else looked pretty good so this might be the fix we needed..we have to wait and see.

After asking her about 5 million questions on what the next steps are we formed a plan of action. The hubs and I are going to try naturally for the next two months. Well mostly, she did put me on metformin and gave me progesterone for after I ovulate. She suggested that I use the ovulation predictor kit during this time as well. Peeing on a stick, whether for ovulation or pregnancy has never gone well for me so we will see :) Oh and the hubs was great since I am started freaking out over missing the time since i don’t know how long my cycles are and they only have 7 sticks and I don’t trust the off-brand, he finally just said for me to buy extra and start sooner :) If the kit is not positive or we don’t get pregnant in the next two months (or three but I am only willing to wait two months) then we will go see the specialist and probably start the injections and IUI’s again.

I was thrilled with the news but I am also trying really hard not to be pessimistic but also not to get my hopes up! I know it is truly in God’s hands but I still fight the feeling of it being impossible. I know that might sound bad but that’s how I feel.

I know some of you commented about how it is a good sign that I started my period after the surgery and I totally agree! Since I know you can have a period without ovulating, I am really praying that is not the case. Thank you all so much for your prayers and support through all of this! I can’t tell you how much it means to me. Each one of you encourages me through your comments and blog posts and I don’t know how I would fair without you!

One final thing before I go..If you read this before Monday morning would you please pray. A good friend of mine is three months pregnant and there might be an issue with the baby. They are having an ultrasound done tomorrow and please pray that the issue is resolved! It can be a very scary thing but I know that God has his hand on this as well! Thanks :)

Yes, I am alive and kicking..

2011-01-19T19:18:00.001-08:00

So I just realized that I haven’t written anything since my pre-surgery post. So if you were worried or wondered if I survived..well I did. As far as I know the surgery went well. It was kind of strange because right before I went in Dr. B told me that since I would be pretty loopy after the procedure and probably wouldn’t remember anything, she was going to give me the pictures they took and explain it all to me at my post-op appointment two weeks later. I think it also had something to do with the fact that she had other surgeries scheduled right after mine. But anyways, I was a little bummed because I wasn't fond the of idea of waiting two weeks to find out the verdict and know what exactly the next steps are. Oh well…that’s life :)

The Hubs and my Mom were great and didn’t let me do anything the first few days. It helped too that due to the nausea from the pain meds, I slept the whole first day. I thought I would be down for a few days and then bounce right back but I was so glad I had taken the whole week off because I was wiped! I did get to enjoy some quality mom time though and got hooked on Mercy and Brothers and Sisters (thanks Netflix)! The Hubs thought the surgery took about an hour..all I remember is getting rolled into the room and then getting woken up and trying not to throw up as they made me coke down real coke and sprite (I only drink diet so ewww).

I was pretty sore afterwards but basically I was just really tired. I didn’t really like taking the pain meds but if I didn’t I would get really crampy. They sent me home with the pictures so my mom searched the internet consulting with Dr. Google to see what the pictures meant.

By thursday I was starting feel more like myself, which was good since we headed out to Cali for the long weekend. Not the greatest idea for a recovery weekend but oh was it fun! I got to catch up with so many friends and some quality family time. Oh and enjoy a little sun in LA with some yummy food! I was exhausted but enjoyed all of it!

Going back to the surgery part. When I got discharged they gave me all of my instructions and on the paper the told me I am not allowed to stick anything in the vajaja for two weeks (and then specified not tampons, douches or intercourse). The doctor had already told us about that so I wasn’t surprised but I was very upset when AF (who is usually a no show) decided to show up last night..so yeah I had to go old school today at work (only a big pad) which was not fun and totally uncomfortable.

I go to the doc tomorrow so I will find out all the details and report back. Hopefully I will get cleared for extracurricular activities and tampons!

Surgery Day – Please Pray

2011-01-07T05:06:00.001-08:00

In about 10 minutes the hubs and I are heading out for my laparoscopic surgery. I have been meaning to post about all the doctor craziness but I just ran out of time. Long story short My Doctor went on medical leave but she is back in time to do my surgery. Please pray that everything goes well and that hopefully they find out some answers to help get me pregnant!

Well that’s all for now. I am hoping I will be able to blog more about all of this when I am “recovering”, especially because I took the whole week off of work :) Hey you have to use any excuse you can get!

A Little Recap/Update

2010-12-28T18:24:00.001-08:00

I am going going to be completely honest with you all…I keep hoping to get more regular with my blogging but lately it's not even the time factor. I have been really down and have had a rough couple of weeks and well I didn't only want to post more Debbie downer posts and I just haven't had the heart or motivation for the lighter posts so I just didn't write. I thought you all deserved an update/recap on what has been going on with me (if you were wondering). During the next few weeks I don't know how much I will be able to post, my parents are getting in town on Sunday and then I hopefully have my surgery that Friday (more on that) and well again it's just been tough and although it feels good be able to write it all out I have realized that I have to be cautious about what I put because I don't know who is reading this and I don't want to make anyone I personally know feel bad. So enough with all that..just bear with me and hopefully I will snap out of this sometime in the near future :)

Now onto the recap/update:

Last week was a blast getting to spend Christmas with both mine and the hubs families. We decided to do sort of a destination Christmas (i.e. no one actually lived in the area that Christmas was spent). On the Sunday before Christmas we headed to San Antonio and after many plane delays for my folks all were together by 3:30am on Monday morning. It was a ton of fun getting to catch up, relax, run outside (I never though I would be so happy for that), eat and eat and eat, and shop of course. We got to check out some of the local favorites and I totally fell in love with the Alamo Café which featured homemade fresh tortillas..yum! We also got to enjoy a fabulous dinner at Fogo de Chao and now I have met my meat quota for the month :)
'

We stayed on base in two different "houses" and most of the time was spent in the main one where both sets of parents and my sis were staying. It had a full kitchen so we were able to eat in a few times. It was really nice because it felt like a home and we were able to do a normal Christmas complete with all the yummy food we usually make. Since we were actually flying back on Christmas day we celebrated two days before. It was so much fun but it totally threw me off because I thought that everyone had already celebrated and when we went over to a friends house on Christmas eve I was totally confused as to why they still have wrapped presents under the tree (yes I did figure it out quickly). All I have to say is celebrating Jesus' birth along with family, friends and yummy food..well what more could you ask for?!

Now I will get into the not so fun part. I think I have mentioned before but I have been working in a temp job for the past three months. When I first took the job I was told that it was going to be a three month assignment ending at the end of December. Once I got into the job I saw how much work needed to be done and there had been some talk about extending my assignment. At first I was totally excited but the more I have worked (and I love the job so it's not that) the more I realize that I don't like working full time. The hubs is always home way before me, I haven't cooked in like forever and my weekend involves getting as much housework done as I can before the work week starts again. I do realize that I am blessed to have this job and the extra money has been nice. However, with the upcoming fertility stuff I decided that I wasn't going to extend. After talking it over with my boss she convinced me to keep working part-time (20 hours) and see how that goes. It is a lot to train a new person on so I totally understand where she is coming from. I was a little hesitant but I figure since I already had the surgery all planned out and kind of knew what was coming up with the fertility, well that it might work out really well. The week before I left for Christmas was my last "full" work week and this weeks started my new schedule. It’s a trial thing on both ends and if it doesn't work out then that is fine too. All this to say, when we left for San Antonio I was feeling pretty good about everything.

That was until on Tuesday when I received a call from Dr. Female's office (my new fertility doc) saying that she has gone out on emergency medical leave and won't be back for at least 30 days. She is the only one in the practice who does the fertility stuff and they couldn't guarantee when she will be back. The nurse was really nice and said that as far as the surgery there were a couple other doctors who could do it and although they aren't specialists they have performed the surgery before. They set me up with a consultation for one of the Doctors and said that he has done the surgery many of times and has also checked tubes for blockage before (which was something they are going to do during the surgery). They want me to meet with him on Tuesday the 4th and then if I am okay with him doing it and he is able to it will still be done on Friday the 7th. However, it might have to be moved back a week or two depending on his schedule. I feel like I have been waiting for so long to start again and I didn't want to have to wait another month or more for my doctor to get back. I barley held it together on the phone and once I hung up I started bawling. I don't even know why but this set back just hit me really hard. I also started freaking out about work and the potential of having to change everything up. Even if I get the surgery done by this doctor, if mine doesn't come back in the 30 days I am going to have to find another doctor and start all over again (I am hoping to only have the surgery once). I have since talked to my work (when I got back I was ready to quit for good) but they said that they would be very flexible and it didn't matter how much I need to change my schedule as long as I got my hours in.

I am really trying to trust God with all of this but it is getting so difficult to hope the more impossible getting pregnant seems to become. I am just feeling very discouraged and honestly don't understand why it's not happening. To make matters worse I think I am going to swear off all forms of electronic communication because pregnancy announcements seem to becoming a daily trend (I'm not really going to but it is tempting). It goes back to the whole thing of being really happy for the couple(s) but is getting more and more painful to hear about. I am praying daily for God to take away my bitterness and to give me only pure joy for all my friends who are being blessed in this area.

So yeah, right now I am feeling very down and confused and broken. I am not doubting God and His power but I am having a hard time accepting his timetable. I think deep down inside I have this horrible fear that it's never going to happen and I'm just not ready to accept that yet. The hubs has been amazing because I know that this is so hard for him too. Every time he would ask me what I want for Christmas I would say a baby but I realize that isn't fair to him because he wants it just as bad as I do. We have started praying at night together about it and I know that as long as we are seeking God he will do what is best for us.

Anyways sorry for the long and kind of depressing post. I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

It’s Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas..(with Pictures)

2010-12-18T18:55:00.001-08:00

I meant to post this a lot sooner but this week has been a little bit hectic (and having to get an root canal in the middle of it didn’t help things much).

Tomorrow we leave to San Antonio to spend our “Christmas” a few days early with both sides of the fam :)

Since I am in the middle to packing this is going to be mostly pictures..

So get ready..

For Christmas decorations..

First year I have had to buy snow boots!

And our favorite decoration of all :)

Have a wonderful Christmas!

What to say (or not to say) to an Infertile Friend

2010-12-08T19:19:00.001-08:00

I have thought long and hard about what to write here. I want to give fair warning to anyone reading this (especially if you are going through your own fertility struggle) that this is just my opinion and what I have seen as helpful and not helpful. One key thing to understand is that each person is different, their situation is different and they handle things differently (physically and emotionally), so take what I am about to write with a grain of salt. I am finding that I am kind of a rare case (in that I often share too much about our struggles with random people) among the infertile community so my views might be different than others going through the same thing.

Okay, so enough warnings …let's get this show on the road :)

I was approached by a fellow blogger (who is not sure what to say to their friend struggling with infertility) and they asked me to address what might be good or not so good to say to a person going through this struggle. As I thought about it A LOT I began to realize that it is not really in what you say. Now that might sound confusing but hang with me and I am sure I will make sense of it. You see, as we all probably have experienced a lot of times it's not what a person says (i.e. the words used) but the feeling behind it and the way that say it that has the most impact on us. Now don't get me wrong, words can cut like a knife and I am going to address that next but first I want to talk about the "un-said" parts. You have to be willing to be flexible and really pay attention to how your friend is reacting and feeling each time you talk.

Remember, whether they are going through treatments or not, whatever is making them infertile is probably also messing with their hormones and causing their emotions to be all over the place. Your friend also has to realize that although this is very hard for them, it is okay if you don't completely understand it or say the wrong thing (see it is on both sides). Hormones are valid but they can't be a catch all excuse and if your friend is acting like they are then they might take everything you say or don't say wrong. I think one of the most helpful things that my friends and family have done is just to listen to me vent or just be with me. Sometimes I need those answers or reminders that it will happen, other times I just need to be told that this sucks and they are praying for me. To me prayer always helps and when someone lets me know they are praying for me, no matter how bad or moody I am feeling that day, it makes me feel better. Today during my devotions I read something in "Faith Deployed" that I think really speaks to this and I want to share it with you. Rebekah Benimoff states "When someone is struggling with their faith, don't say simply "Oh, God has a plan, it will all work out." Allow the person to walk through the trials so that her faith can be tested and refined. When the wound is raw, put aside your own discomfort and your own desire to have an answer, and just BE with the person."

I have found that my struggle with infertility is also a struggle with God and trusting his will. It is definably a faith strengthening time because ultimately I have to learn to completely rely on Him for the desires of my heart. Yes, we can use modern medicine and other helps or remedies but ultimately it is God that forms this life in us and he can do it with or without all the extra measures we feel are necessary. As a person going through fertility struggles and treatments it can be overwhelming and although I know deep in my heart that God has a plan, hearing others tell me that is not always the most well received in my mind. This is where your judgment comes into play (I know, but again everyone is different); if the friend you are trying to help seems to be receptive to hearing about God's plan (and even go one step further to say it themselves first) then I think reminding them gently of that is good and can help. However, if your friend is either avoiding the subject or really upset about it then a little empathy is always nice. A lot of times I just want to feel like I am accepted and understood and during those times hearing friends tell me that my feelings are valid or they feel like that too or it just plain sucks…well it helps. If you are a person that hasn't struggled with fertility, then just the act of trying to understand and even say "I don't understand but this sucks and I am always here for you to vent" can make a world of difference. When I am able to talk out my feelings with my friends or husband or mom I end up working through a lot of the frustrations I am feeling (and most of the time they are just listening). Be careful though that it doesn’t turn into a complaining fest..it is good to vent but don't go overboard. Also if they are avoiding the subject then don't talk about it. Ask them about other things in their life and things you talked about before all the fertility stuff started (it's nice to just get away from it all sometimes).

Oh and hearing success stories is nice but also make sure that you aren't going overboard because when I hear them all the time I start to get discouraged and feel that it is never going to happen to me. Again, it goes back to reading the situation, knowing your friend and acting upon what you are perceiving. Sometimes we are just more receptive than others.

I honestly believe that if you are coming to your friend with an open mind and heart, taking the time to read how they are feeling that day, and just speaking to them through your love for them, then even if you do say the "wrong" thing at that time it will be okay. If you say something and can tell right away they were hurt or didn't take it the way you meant them to then it is okay to point that out say "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that or I didn't mean for that to come out like it did". You also have to be willing to give them space if they need it. I know there are days where I just don't want to talk to or see anyone and having people respect that is a relief. Now if they are locking themselves away for weeks at a time then you might want to get a little concerned.

Another thing, although pride can be dangerous but it makes me feel better sometimes when my friends tell me they are proud of how I am handling everything. This is a hard subject because everyone is so different. Some people are really private about their struggles and some aren't. But letting your friend know that you don't mind talking about fertility stuff and you want to be there for them and then leaving it in their court is good.

I know that I have probably been all over the place in this post and I hope you were able to make some sense of it. I'm not an expert and this is just my own experiences talking. I know that I shared in a recent post some of the emotions that I experience on a daily and weekly basis and if you haven't read that go here and read it because that might help you understand a little more about what your friend is going through. I am sure there are about 5 million other things I could talk about here so if you have any questions for me or need additional advice please feel free to e-mail me at bakogrl at gmail dot com and I will get back to you (there is no guarantee how fast the response time will be though I will try to be quick).

Bottom line though, you are already a great friend by being concerned with their feelings and I applaud you for that. I know that it can be exhausting sometimes not knowing what to say or always talking about the same thing. Hang in there and show them love but also show them that they still have a life and it is not only about getting preggers (that tunnel vision can really kick in for them). They are lucky to have a friend like you and they need to realize that as well. And if nothing else seems to help, well just keep praying for them because God can do some crazy stuff!

I hope this helped and if not ..well thanks for reading it anyways :)

The Charles and Coffee just don’t Mix..

2010-12-06T16:40:00.001-08:00

I know that I have a couple posts that I need to get my but in gear and finish (so don't dismay they are coming)! In the mean time I thought I would share with you all a nice little Charles story (since he has actually been pretty good lately and therefore not good at providing writing material). In a previous post I mentioned that we take the Charles to puppy daycare two days a week. Usually I will take the rascal and the hubs will pick him up since he gets home earlier than I do. Lately I have been noticing that the Charles has developed this bad habit of trying to climb on the center console thing and into the front seat (and we all know he is not a little guy)! He is really good about getting down when I tell him to but then something will excite him or he will get nervous and try to do it again.

Let me also point out that the Charles has no center of gravity I believe and any sudden stops or turns (or even when they are not sudden) send him flying across the back seat of the car. Kind of funny but I try to be a nice mom and not laugh too much. The Charles also likes to be petted while I drive which involves him sticking his head through the small opening by the top of my seatbelt and putting his face next to mine. As soon as I stop petting him, well he sticks his face under my arm and lifts my arm up as if to say "why are you stopping..you're not finished yet". That's about the time that I start laughing so hard I almost get in an accident (not really but I wouldn't be surprised if it happened).

So anyways, on this particular drive to puppy daycare we turn the corner onto the street where the daycare is and the Charles starts going bonkers. I try to ignore him hoping that he will calm down and we will make it to the place safely. I had been telling him the whole drive to get off the console and sit in the back. As I turn into the daycare place though, another car was turning from the opposite side of the street and although I had the right away and clearly had my blinker on, it startled me and I didn't notice that the Charles with his zero sense of graving was standing on the center console. By then it was too late and as soon as we turned his paws went sliding up to the front dash and straight into my nice hot steaming oh so yummy paper cup of coffee. I didn't realize it at first..all I felt was wet and wondered where it came from. Then the Charles started freaking out b/c hot coffee was all over his paws (which he so kindly tracked all over the back seat). To make matters worse, my open gym bag (well more like jcrew paper bag with gym clothes) was on the floor of the front seat where most of the coffee went. I took him into to puppy daycare and then I tried to clean up the car as best I could with just a few subway napkins. I managed to clean up most of the car and salvage my gym clothes and about 1/2 the coffee (luckily I had an extra paper cup at work to transfer the coffee into).

About a week later though my car still smells like coffee every time I get in it..you would think that would be nice, but well not so much. Now I am extra careful to make sure the Charles is in the back seat anytime we turn or stop :)

The Hard Parts of Christmas..

2010-11-29T18:49:00.001-08:00

I know a lot of you will agree with me, Christmas time is by far the best time of the year! I love the music (which I have been already indulging in for a month), the Christmas lights and decorations, curling up on the couch during a snow storm, Christmas shopping (you may thing I'm crazy but I love it), and the abundance of family time. Most of all though I love being reminded of the Birth of our Lord and Savior. This is also a hard time of the year for me. Before I write anymore, I just want to warn/say that I really don't mean to be a downer but I think sharing what is going on in my head will help me to not let it build up in my heart.

It is so interesting that one of the happiest times is also one of the most trying times of the year. I find myself experiencing both. I am so thankful for my family and all that God has provided for us. I know that although my problems are huge in my mind, I am very fortunate compared to others (we have a wonderful house, money to buy presents and food, warm and cute clothes, and job security). God has defiantly been good to us. I have been getting frustrated with myself because although believe that in my heart, I often forget how good God has been to us and get wrapped up in my emotions.

Although I knew this time would come, this is the first Christmas without my Gram. It is easy during most of the year to push it away because I had lived across the country from her these last few year but since Christmas time is such a family time and a time that I always see her..well it hits hard. I am rejoicing that she is spending her first Christmas with my Papa in Heaven, but I am missing her so much here on earth. We are doing more of a destination Christmas with both sides of the family this year and I am really glad because I know it would be hard to do the same traditions with her gone.

Last Christmas the Hubs was deployed (and I am so happy to spend this one with him). Since we knew that we were going to start fertility treatments when he got back I was almost sure that by the next Christmas we would have our own little one "in the hanger" (i.e be pregnant). I can't tell you how many tears I have cried this week over the fact that we are still far from that point. I know God has a plan and I trust him, but in all honesty I am fighting not to become bitter. During most of this infertility journey I have been found that although I wanted a baby so bad, my attitude towards those who are blessed with the gift of motherhood had not been negatively affected. It seems though in the last month I have changed without wanting to or meaning to. I find that when I hear someone is pregnant (especially if I don't know them) I get upset or angry and wonder why them and not me? What did they do to be blessed like this? Now before you judge me I know that God isn't keeping tallies and it doesn't work that way, but that is how I feel. I get angry at God sometimes and wonder what bad things I have done to be cursed with Infertility. I try and remind myself that compared to many others I don't have it that bad, that there is still hope and most importantly nothing is impossible for God. I guess just having another year pass without any sign of a bambino is taking it's toll. Sorry to be grumpy about all this..I just needed to vent.

On the positive side though, as much as I might get angry with God and question His time-table, this whole process is drawing me closer to Him and growing my faith more than I thought possible. It is causing me to open my mind to people and situations that I might not have if we weren't going through this..and for that alone I know that God is working.

One final note:

Now listen up..if you have kept reading this far I have something very important to say before I end this rant. If you are pregnant or have a baby or become pregnant before me…please, please, please don't hid it from me or assume that I don't want to hear. As hard as it is for me, it also gives me so much joy to be apart of your motherhood journey. I love being able to share your good and bad times too and I don't want you to ever hesitate to share things with me in fear of hurting me…it hurts me a million times more by being kept out of the loop. I debated even writing this for fear of it being taken wrong, so please know that I am not saying what I am feeling is right or anything bad about anyone else..I am just being honest and I could use some bloggy support :)

PS a happy Christmas post is coming complete with pictures of our Christmas decorations.

PPS..I was asked recently if I could write a post about what a non-infertile friend should/shouldn’t say to a infertile one and I have not been ignoring the request..I have just been thinking and praying a lot about it and I am still trying to nail everything I find helpful into a post. Also, if anyone else has questions that you would like me to expand on that I write about on my blog feel free to e-mail me at bakogrl at gmail dot com. I'm no expert but I would love to help in any way I can.

Attempting Thanksgiving on our own…

2010-11-23T19:27:00.001-08:00

It seems like it has been forever since I haven't traveled during the Thanksgiving holiday. When I was in college I traveled to the Hubs parents (since it wasn't worth flying home from Ohio to Cali for Thanksgiving when I would be going home in a couple more weeks for Christmas). Once the Hubs and I were married it didn't get any better. Oh the joys of living far away from family. Although our families were suppose to switch off getting us for Thanksgiving and Christmas, due to different circumstances, we have mostly ended up spending Thanksgiving at the Hubs' parent's house and Christmas at mine. This year though I have sworn off traveling over Thanksgiving! Honestly, it wears on a person and I am so looking forward to having a chill Thanksgiving in our own home.

This year both sides of the family are spending Christmas together (it's a good thing we all get along) so that meant that the Hubs and I were able to not travel for both this year. Now I will admit that as much as I am looking forward to not going anywhere, I am really going to miss having Thanksgiving with our families. Okay, enough of the sentimental stuff..

I had a slight freak-out though when I realized that no family (besides the Hubs and the Charles) meant that it was my responsibility to cook the whole meal..including and not limited to the Turkey (yikes). You see, I don't do whole poultry. Sure I can handle chicken breasts but one time my mom left a whole frozen chicken in our freezer and I went to cook it and almost tossed my cookies trying get the insides out…ewww no thanks! I have sworn off that and it is now the hubs job to get all the insides out. However he also refuses for the most part so then we have to come up with creative ways to get around the whole insides of a turkey thing. I have cooked different dishes before for thanksgiving but I have never been in charge of the star of the meal. So what did I do…I searched high and low to find a no-so-expensive pre-cooked turkey…yes be ashamed! However, my futile attempts did not work out and I settled for the Jennie-O turkey breast in a bag thing (where it is all ready and you just stick the bag in the oven). So I am still actually "cooking" the turkey though no insides to deal with. And I am still nervous that I am going to mess it all up!

I have laid out a menu that is pretty similar to what I grew up having and even though it is just the two of us and the Charles (he thinks he should get a full portion of everything) I couldn't leave out my favorite dishes so I am sure we are going to have Way Way too much food! I think we might try and take some to the military guys working the Gate on Thanksgiving night.
I have also decided that working on Friday is no fun! It kind of ruins the whole relaxing thanksgiving thing knowing that while everyone else gets to go shopping I am having to work..oh well! I am hoping we get off early. And if we only get one day off this week at least we get to wear jeans (they deemed it casual week) :)
So yeah, that's our Thanksgiving plans..oh and a Lost season 6 marathon! It is the Charles's first Thanksgiving not in a kennel so he is pretty excited!

What are your Thanksgiving plans?

Our Child in daycare...

2010-11-22T18:33:00.001-08:00

Well by Child I mean dog, more specifically The Charles.

I think of it as parent training although I am not planning on working when we have kids so I guess I wouldn't be taking them to daycare too much. Anyways, when I started working we felt bad that he was being locked up all day, well that coupled with the fact that he would throw up every afternoon when the hubs got home (the vet says anxiety), we decided to shell out the cash and take him to puppy daycare 2-3 times a week. I realized that for the Charles 5 times was a little too much since he comes home exhausted (so nice) and usually a day in between to recover is good. But oh does he love his puppy camp :)

It has gotten to the point where when I turn onto the street in the morning that the daycare is on he starts yelping in the car out of excitement. It is nice that he gets to interact with other dogs and work off some of his energy. I don't know if anyone has been watching the Apprentice this season but I totally wish our daycare place had the webcam like they did on their challenge..I would love to see the Charles interact with the other dogs :) Sometimes I feel bad because I think that he wishes that he had other dogs to play with, which makes this arrangement really nice. I don't know how he is going to take it when I stop working and he doesn't get to go anymore..

We have been taking him since the beginning of October. However, just recently I was told the truth about dear ol' Charles. You see, I thought I had this very social dog that loved to play with other puppies. Not so much.Turns out the Charles thinks he is human. Yep, that's right, he would much rather spend time with the human workers than the other dogs. Just when I thought I was giving him what he really wanted, pups to play with, I find out that he plays with the other dogs for about an hour (of the 6-7 he is there) and then follows around the workers for the rest of the day. They love him, but seriously! I guess if that is what makes him happy that's okay :) I guess when I do stop working he won't mind very much, unless he prefers those workers to me!

One of the girls says that he has a favorite worker that he follows around and when she stops to do something he lays at her feet and then gets up and follows her when she moves again. Go figure, I guess all those years of just humans trained him to be like this! And I can't complain too much because it is so nice when he comes home and passes out and isn't whining for us to play with him. Maybe I just have a snob for a dog..

Does your dog like humans or other dogs more?

The Doctor's Report…Some good new and some not so fun news

2010-11-19T18:10:00.001-08:00

Thank you all so much for your prayers and support this week. I truly felt it! Yesterday I went to the Doctor B (this is how I will refer to her from now on because her last name starts with a B not because she is a B..). I was told to come with a full bladder because I had to have a pelvic ultrasound. I am used to the other ones where they get all up-close and personal down there and therefore forgot and a few minutes before I left my house I went to the restroom..opps. So yeah, then I downed around 36-40 oz's of water and by the time I got to the doctor I REALLY had to pee. I have decided that those ultrasounds are not my favorite because my bladder has it's issues and someone pressing on it while it is bursting full of water is not my idea of a good time.

Anyways..moving along. The ultrasound tech was really nice and they even had a tv where I could watch the ultrasound. When I told her that I really liked that aspect and that at my old place I always wondered what everything looked like (no tv there) she started to explain to me everything she was looking at. After the pelvic ultrasound I got to empty my bladder (they had a bathroom attached to the ultrasound room..very nice) and then she proceeded to do the vaginal ultrasound. During the first ultrasound she didn't really see anything like cysts or abnormalities however, when she did the vaginal ultrasound it showed that I think on my right ovary there were two follicles in the ovary and a cyst outside of the ovary. I was a little surprised and curious because I have been having so much pain and pressure down there that I thought they would see something more. I am glad that they didn't but I also want to know where the pain and pressure are coming from.

After the ultrasound I had to wait about 30 minutes to talk to the doctor. It was basically 30 minutes of nervous torture! Finally Doctor B came in and started going over my ultrasound results. She said that the cyst outside the ovary was most likely endometriosis and that before I take any more inject able drugs or the Metaformin, she thinks it would be best to do the laparoscopy to clean out the endometriosis and while they are in there they will also make sure there aren't any other cysts and check to see if my tubes are blocked. I am nervous for the surgery but I am glad that she is wanting to thoroughly check me out before doing more meds. One thing I learned was that endometriosis is toxic to the sperm and so a lot of times you do all the work to get the egg to drop and the sperm up there and then it kills the little guys off! Doctor B seemed surprised that I didn't argue or ask more questions but I felt like we had went over everything at the first appointment and I agreed with her recommendation since I can feel there is obviously something going on down there and the pain has been getting worse. She also said that my bleeding at random times is probably due to cysts working their way out and/or the endometriosis. I asked her about my low temp again just to make sure and she said that some people just have a lower base line temp and that what really matters is whether I am ovulating which we can find out other ways.

I then went to make my appointments and talk to the billing lady. She was so nice and explained everything in depth. I loved my NJ clinic but I think since Doctor B is a does both regular OBGYN and fertility treatments that they explain things a lot more and make everything clear from the beginning. I remember when I first started all of this in NJ I was so overwhelmed and confused because the nurses and doctors didn’t really explain everything and just assumed I knew.

I had to make my appointment for after the first of the year since I will be done working then. Even though they do them on Fridays so you have the whole weekend to recover, I knew it would be better to just wait until I am done. Plus for some reason my mom doesn't think I will take care of myself so she is planning on coming out and helping out after the procedure…plus I always want my mommy during these type of things and I am so happy that she is willing to come! Doctor B said that after a procedure like this my fertility success rate should go up a lot...so here's hoping! It's hard not being able to start right away but I know this will be best for my sanity and at least we are getting the process started again.

Again, thank you all so much for your prayers and support..it means the world to me! I will keep you updated as the ball starts rolling again.

SYTYCD + Vegas + Family + Birthday = Great Weekend

2010-11-18T06:16:00.001-08:00

I realize it’s almost the next weekend but I had to share with you all our adventures of last weekend. Now that we live closer to the West Coast I thought I would be seeing my family a lot more but with work and them still being 11 hours away, I don't get to see them as much as I would like. My sister and I share a love of So You Think You Can Dance (and even though the hubs won't admit it to everyone..he really likes it to). Two years ago in NJ the Hubs and I went to the Season 4 tour performance and had such a great time. Ever since then we have wanted to see another one. This last season, season 7, I watched partially with the hubs and partially with my sis (due to the hubs being deployed). When we saw that the season 7 tour would be performing in Las Vegas on the day before my birthday..well the deal was sealed. Since Vegas is a little over halfway to my folks it works out as a great meeting ground for a weekend..and so fun! My parents and childhood best friend came to (although they didn't go to the performance) which made the weekend all the better!

If feels like there has been so much going on these last few months and both the Hubs and I welcomed the break. It actually worked out great because since both the hubs and I didn't have to work on Veterans day we headed down Thursday and were able to spend Thursday night and most of Friday just the two of us since everyone else got there later on Friday. We left a little later on Thursday than we would have like due to a dr's appointment that I had and the fact that I showed up at the wrong address and had to book it across town to get to the appointment. However, we arrived in Vegas right before dinner which was perfect because one of the main reasons we go there is for the food!

I really don't go to Vegas a lot but I have found my favorite foods places for the most part and usually don't stray too much from them. Although there are many good buffets, there is a newer one in the M resort that is farther down the strip which is the best and since it isn't right on the strip the quality for the price is great! To make it even better though, since it was Veterans day military got to eat for $5 a person (instead of $25)..whoo hoo! Usually I end up eating way too much but since we knew that we had more eating ahead and the dinner didn't cost that much it was nice to leave feeling satisfied and not stuffed (which was probably the only meal I felt like that this weekend)!

We then checked into our room in the Paris Casino and ended up watching "Dinner with the Shmucks" which was uber hilarious! Friday morning we slept in a little bit and then headed out for breakfast at the Hash House a Go Go. If you haven't eaten there before you have to the next time you are in Vegas, the portions are huge but the prices are good and the food is amazing!! I had their version of oatmeal called the Hot and sticky granola which came with fruit and a biscuit that was to die for (and don't even get me started on the home-made jam on the table)! Yes, I know..I have a thing for food :)

The rest of the morning and afternoon we spent in Caesars shopping around (well I was shopping and the hubs was being very patient)! It was of course the essential pre-birthday shopping where you try-on a ton and put stuff on hold..
We had to change rooms (upgrade…yay) so we headed back to the hotel, packed up and then headed to Nellis AFB to check out the BX for a coach purse :) There was an air show practice so that was really cool to get to see some of (although the traffic was horrible). I didn't find a purse because even though there isn't any tax I just didn’t see one yelling at me to spend that much!

We met up with my parents and sis later, at a quick dinner and headed to the SYTYCD show (we rushed b/c we thought it started at 7pm but it really started at 7:30..opps!) The show was so much fun and we had great seats so we could really see them. As we left I was in a ton of pain due to my back and stomach cramping up (I don't know why) and so I was just ready to get to bed.

The next morning we went to my parents hotel and then headed out to breakfast at the Hash House..seriously there is so much good stuff there! Then in an effort to burn some of the calories we consumed..we did some more shopping. It is funny because although we went to the same stores as the day before I still managed to try more stuff on and my hubs treated me to some new clothes. We then headed to the outlets and were planning on going to an early dinner at the M buffet again (it was my birthday so my choice) but I got caught up at the outlets for longer than I thought..all those good sales :)

Dinner was wonderful and it was so much fun spending time with the family and getting to hang out with my bestie! We went back to their hotel afterwards and opened presents. It was a wonderful day and went by way to quickly!
The Hubs and I had to head out the next morning though everyone else got to stay longer. I was seriously tempted to just quit my job and stay the rest of the week but I know I need to finish the assignment out so I resisted! We had our farewell breakfast at again the Hash House (different location though) and by the time that was over I vowed never to look at food again!! We had to say our goodbyes but it was so much fun! I totally love my family and the time I got to spend with the bestie was amazing..although we have been best friends since before we could talk we hardly get to see or talk to each other unless I am in town. I love the time I got to spend with the Hubs too and he made this weekend and my Birthday the best!

Now it's back to the real world but at least Christmas is kind of close :)

What is your favorite birthday celebration?

A Trip to the New Doctor

2010-11-16T19:10:00.001-08:00

I was going to wait to post anything about this because well there isn't much to tell yet and I don't know what the final outcome will be. But I am no good at Not talking about things and I could really use all your prayers.

I had a doctors appointment last Thursday. This was my first female doctors appointment since my last cycle of fertility treatment in NJ in June. I have mentioned several times before that I have felt off since then and since I didn't have any type of follow-up I was concerned about cysts from all the follicles in the last cycle (especially the 43mm one)!

Anyways, I had to go to my PCM first on base and then she referred me out to a normal OBGYN which would then refer me to a specialist (I know..annoying process)! Since I was trying not to take time off work I had to wait till veterans day since I already had it off. I was excited because the address for the doctor was literally around the corner from my house…well that was until I showed up and found out she had moved and had to jet across town to try and not be too late to the appointment. My main goal out of this appointment was to get an ultrasound, make sure everything was okay and see what the next steps were. I was surprised to find that, when I actually made it to the right dr's office, that Girl Doc (since my doc in NJ was a male) was not only a regular OBGYN but also a fertility specialist as well! The appointment ended up being very interesting. Since I had only been to the Boy Doc in NJ I guess I just figured that they would take the same approach. I am glad it was different though because the NJ approach didn't seem to work for me to well..I was excited to have a new set of eyes for this process.

I had brought my charts from the Boy Doc as well as the temperature chart I had been attempting to do this last month. I was also concerned because as I was charting my temp it was too low for the normal chart (averaged about a 96.5) and I didn't know if that meant anything. I know most people's gets up pretty high when they are ovulating but mine has topped out so far at 97.67. Anyways Girl Doc didn't seem too concerned about that and said that my chart looked like a regular ovulatory cycle so far, but was concerned with the fact that I didn't have any sort of discharge (sorry if this is TMI)!

As I talked to her I started to feel better about finding out what is going on. I have been having a lot of pains and after looking at my history from the Boy Doc, Girl Doc says the first thing she wants to do is an ultrasound to see if I have any cysts. She was really concerned that I had been over-stimulated from the last cycle.From there if I do I will have to have laparoscopic surgery to remove them and at the same time she will check for endometriosis and also to see if my tubes are blocked. She was a little concerned about why I hadn't gotten pregnant yet since my last treatment cycles were pretty good. Since I didn't get the HSG at Boy Doc's office If I don't have cysts that is the next step. She did talk to me some about IVF since I seem to have a problem releasing the egg and I guess if my tubes are blocked that might be our only option. The Hubs and I are still not sure on our thoughts on that but I guess we will have to cross the bridge if necessary. I asked Girl Doc about acupuncture and she said that although she doesn't work directly with it, anything that is suppose to help and doesn't harm is worth a shot. I know some of you girls have tried that so any advice on acupuncture would be appreciated! She also said that she would put me on Metaformin but she wanted to wait to see if I needed surgery first since it can make you dizzy and nauseous.

I am just so ready to be pregnant and everything is so up in the air right now, but I do feel better that we are at least moving along in the process again. Since I am working through the end of December, any major things will have to wait until the first of the year, but at least I will know what is coming. I am still trusting God and I do truly believe that He has His timing for us and whatever method he chooses to use. I know they say it's not good to pray for patience but that is what I have been praying for because this is hard! I felt kind of dumb because when I was talking with Girl Doc and telling her that a lot of the people who have been trying also are now pregnant I started crying. I asked her about being supper emotional (I seriously cry all the time) and she said it is part to do with the medication still in my system and part to do with PCOS. I also asked her about the weight gain (I have gained about 5-10 pounds since starting all of this and no matter what I do it won't go away) and she said that is also due to the medication. Girl Doc told me that it takes about 6 months of no meds to get all the medication out of a person's system.

I have my ultrasound on Thursday and then I talk with the doctor afterwards. I am really glad because today and yesterday I have been spotting and had a lot of pain. I really appreciate any prayers you wouldn't mind sending my way :)

For now I just get to live vicariously through the wonderful ladies that either just found out they are pregnant or are in the midst of their pregnancy or just had their little one..I am ecstatic for you all and I can't wait to hear more..and maybe some of your fertility will rub off on me :)

I just love it when this happens..

2010-11-05T05:13:00.001-07:00

I just love it when things I read in my devotions speak directly to things I am dealing with at the moment. I find that if I don't dig into God's word or read my choice devotional for that day in the morning I won't get around to it. So I have been making sure that even if it is only 10 minutes in the morning, and even if I don't feel like it or have a million other things on my mind, that I take the time to spend some time with God. Several years ago my sister gave me an extra copy of "My Utmost for His Highest" and although it is falling apart I can read it over and over and get something new out of it every time. It is one of my main morning reads right now. I also try to pick a book in the Bible to read but lately I have been slacking on that part.

Anyways, although I have been diligent in my reading I have still felt kind of far away from God. I feel like I have had so many things going on in my head that I can't concentrate on what I am reading or God is trying to say. You know when you just feel like things are clicking or it just takes a lot of effort to get anything out of it..well that was me..and yet I read on.

The last couple days though things have started to become effortless again. I have felt like each day I have been able to relate and come away with something pertaining to my current issues. Not only that but I have seen or recognized God move in my life more. I just love it when this happens. I do realize that as God's children we go through dry spells where we feel far away from Him, and he has a purpose for that, but I have to admit how much I love it when the rain comes!

This morning I think it hit me the most. As you probably have been able to tell from my last few posts, I have a lot of different issues I am dealing with right now. Two of the main issues (besides the baby one) have been body image and making friends and missing my old friends (more on that to come). I have been struggling a lot with my mental attitude towards my body, especially as I am still dealing with the after-effects of the fertility treatments with no baby right now. Without even realizing it I have been placing so much time and energy (both mentally and physically) on getting back to my "pre-treatment" body. The funny thing is that we are going to be starting treatments again soon so I really don’t know why I am doing this to myself! But even more so, I am realizing that if I am wrapping up all my mental and physical energy in this one area (and putting too much emphasis on it) then God can't use me where he wants to. When I was driving home yesterday and listening to KLUV the DJ said something that really stuck with me, he was talking about the show "the biggest loser" and said "turn off the tv and facebook or myspace or anything that makes you dislike your body because God can use you no matter what and he isn't concerned with that"….this is my paraphrase. The hubs and I were just talking about this yesterday ..which is another discussion altogether but he was a great encouragement to me. Then today while I was reading "My Utmost for His Highest" for the day of Nov. 4th I came to the end and God reminded me of his priorities:

"The last thing we do is come; but everyone who does come knows that that second the supernatural rush of the life of God invades him instantly. The dominating power of the world, the flesh and the devil is paralysed, not by your act, but because your act has linked you on to God and His redemptive power."

Now I know that for me I usually have to re-read the passages from this book several times to understand what the author is saying. But this time it really hit me that I don’t' need to be afraid to give my body image issues over to God because although it might not be the outcome I see as best right now…I will never be able to argue that God's plan and his redemptive power and the power to change what I think is beautiful and acceptable is way better than my own efforts.

Anyways just remember that even when God feels very far away he is still right there with you and just wait because when he reveals himself to you again it is totally worth the dry spell.

Have a great Friday!!

When I don't listen sometimes God shouts..

2010-11-03T19:36:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I think that I suffer from long-term memory loss when it comes to my schedule. I tend to get wrapped up in the here and now of what I want and think is best and I forget the lessons that God has taught me in the past..and well then he sometimes has to yell to get my attention in his special God way.

Take Exhibit A:

In the months before we got to Utah I was happy not working, having more of a free schedule to get involved in activities and undergoing fertility treatments. Right after we ended the last round of treatments with a BFN we moved to Utah and decided to take a short break from the said treatments. I was in a new place with no friends, no treatments to occupy my time and it was in the middle of the summer so most activities were on hold. So what does that mean, well it means that I get bored and start thinking that I need to work full time again (yes, forgetting what God had shown me last year when I went through this and realized we work better as a family and I am more happy when I am not working or working part time). I do want to add before I continue that I don’t think there is anything AT ALL wrong with both spouses working fulltime, this is just what I have realized works best for my family and God has blessed us with the fact that I don't have to work.

Anyways, moving along..

I admit now (which I have known for a while) that I basically have two speeds or schedules I bounce back and forth from: free and slow or crazy and supper busy! What to guess which schedule I am on now??

Luckily on my never-ending quest for a job once we arrived in Utah I see how God orchestrated it so that I would get a temp job (not even temp-to-hire). Working and trying to fit everything else in this last month has reminded me of those oh so precious lessons that he taught me the last time I worked full-time. It has also brought to the forefront how much we want to grow our family and how hard that is when we never see each other :)

But..

I'm a little dense sometimes and although I have moments of clarity I seem to forget them right after and either try to add more responsibilities to my already packed list or think that I can continue on like this forever.

Moving onto Exhibit B:

Since we have been leaving the Charles alone a lot during the day I thought it would be a good idea to get him a friend. The hubs and I talked getting another dog and decided it might be best to wait until January when I am done working. However, I talked the hubs into going to Pet Co. a few weeks ago during an adoption day and we found our second dream dog. She seemed almost too good to be true but we also had jumped into our last dog purchase too quickly so we didn't want to do the same thing again (although now we wouldn't give up the Charles for anything)! We got the foster family's number with the promise to think (and pray hard) about it during the week and let them know by Friday (it was Sunday). Luckily the hubs was diligent about waiting till the end of the week and really trying to listen to where God was leading us. Me on the other hand, well I prayed about it but I really felt that we should do it so I think I was a little annoying to the hubs that week :)

At the end of the week we decided to do the "foster to adopt" where you take the dog for a week and then if it works you pay for her and if not you give her back to the foster family. We picked her up Saturday and had fun watching her interact with the Charles. It was weird though too because we are so used to our routine and so it kind of shook that up. When we had talked to the foster family they said they thought she was about 6 months and that she was potty trained and didn't chew (yeah I know). After going through the puppy phase with the Charles we vowed never to do it again but we figured she was far enough a long that she was mostly out of that phase.

Once we got her home we realized that she was younger than they thought (the hubs noticed that she still had her baby teeth). She did really good overall though; she would sit at the door when she had to go potty but when we didn't notice she would go in the house. We got her some chew toys but then Charles decided that he wanted whatever toy Layla was playing with at the time..yeah good kid training :)

By the next morning though when she had pooped in the house and I tried taking both dogs outside at the same time by myself, and she chewed my favorite flip-flops, we realized we might be a one dog family for right now. If I wasn't working full time it might have been a different story but even with that I couldn't imagine having both of them with a new baby (whenever our time comes for that).

We decided to take her back before us or her or the Charles got too attached. It is crazy how much you can get attached to a dog in just one day though. The night after we took her back I cried the whole night. I kept picturing her little face and felt like I had abandoned or betrayed her. Seriously, I was a mess! At work the next day I wasn’t any better but I also didn't want to make the hubs feel bad by talking about it non-stop. If I could have I would have gone back and got her right then and there! At that time I really felt like we didn’t' give her enough of a chance, but as the hubs pointed out..we could have made it work but it wouldn't have been the best situation for her or us. It was funny too because she never went potty inside or chewed at the foster girl's house and I think it was because they were home during the day and have a yard.

But again God has a plan and I learn the hard way…

and finally Exhibit C:

Two days after we took Layla back I was taking the Charles out to go potty before I left for work we were walking up the cement steps when he saw a cat…yes me and early morning darkness and dogs are not a good mix right now (I.e. the dog bite). I didn’t realize that he had taken off running with me attached until I hit the ground hard. My knee skidded and thumped and hurt really bad. I ended up getting a rug-burn and a huge lump on my knee. I took a picture and sent it to my mom and one of the first things she said was “I think God is trying to tell you to slow down and you won’t listen so he has to get your attention someway”. She also brought up a good point that if I had two dogs outside it might have been a lot worse. I had to agree and laugh a little because as hard as these last few weeks have been I am starting to learn to listen to God. I am learning not to say “but” or “what about this” when God tries to tell me something. I fully believe that He is in control and that My life is better when I don’t question his plan but just go along. It is not easy but for the sake of my sanity and legs, it’s essential.

Oh and in more exciting news…tomorrow is trash day which means it is Thursday and that is one day closer to Friday and the weekend!!

Baby Dreams

2010-10-31T15:31:00.001-07:00

I know I haven’t posted on this topic in a while, mostly because there wasn’t a lot to say. We had decided to take a break from the fertility treatments and for a while I was okay with that. I enjoyed getting to spend time with the hubs, run a marathon and make some extra money. I was okay that we were putting our dreams of starting a family on hold for a tbd time frame. I was okay with just being a dog parent ( I mean the Charles is the greatest)! I was okay until I had a dream that we had a brand new baby boy and well it rocked me a little. It brought back all of my desires of wanting to start a family now, all the feelings that I had tried to push away and ignore came crashing back. I love our family and if God doesn’t have children in His plans for us than I will have to trust him to be okay …but for now I can’t stand it.

I can’t stand it when I hear people who weren’t trying or didn’t want to get pregnant conceive. I can’t stand the thought of having to wait years for this to happen to us. It is funny though, because as hard as it is to wait I am finding it easier to really trust God in this. The big thing that I have learned through the less than wonderful world of infertility is that no matter what I try to do or control it is all up to God and I trust Him with that. Everything in my life that I have tried to push and make happen never turns out right, yet I am a control freak and have a hard time letting go. However, everything that has happened in God’s timing are the best things in my life now! So yes, I can trust Him in this too. I would be lying though if I said that was easy.

So here I am waiting. Trying to be patient. Watching my friends get pregnant and have babies and yearning for the day that it is my turn (and I am ecstatic for all of them and the blessing God has given them). I am fighting hard not to jump ahead of God’s timing and quit my job and do everything I can to make it happen now!

I finish this job hopefully at the end of December and I am hoping we can start fertility treatments again. I still feel that my body is off and hasn’t returned to “normal” since the last treatment. I have a regular OB appointment in two weeks and I am really excited to see what is going on (I haven’t been checked out since the last round of treatment). I am nervous for the process and I am also hoping that it might be possible to start again before work is over. Ultimately though, I am trusting God and His perfect plan!

Well that’s all for now..I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday!

Dog bites and Horse pills..

2010-10-24T15:44:00.001-07:00

Wow! Where have I been?? I seriously can’t believe a month has went by since my last post…so terribly sorry! Well work has been crazy busy and that’s about it. I haven’t been doing much besides working and coming home, hanging with the hubs and the Charles of course and training for a sprint tri (which is really hard with a busted knee). Yeah, I'm am hoping it is healed in the next few weeks or at least healed enough for three miles..yesterday I made it through two miles before the pain became too much to handle. I guess it’s more non-running exercise for me. Luckily we just bought road bicycles which surprisingly I am actually liking and with that and swimming I am still able to train for the other aspects of the sprint triathlon.

I did have one minor set back this week though and leaned a valuable lesson..don’t go running in the dark at 4:45 am with a German Shepherd on the loose. Usually I run (or lately attempt to run) after work but I had a dinner date with a friend so I decided to run around the neighborhood (I thought I was being smart since the neighborhood is where the street lights are). I was less than 1/2 a mile into my run when I turned the corner and heard the neighbors annoying German Shepherd barking. This didn’t surprise me at first because they always tie him up in the front yard and let him bark like crazy but I did think that it was a little early for it to be out. That is when I realized that it was running right at me and getting closer (too close to be on a leash). I heard the owner yelling at the dog and I panicked. Before I knew it he bit my leg hard. I screamed and he let go, the owner ran over and I was freaked. I really believe that the dog was surprised that he bit me and I am sure my panic spurred the attack. The owner (who is the most irresponsible dog owner and always lets his dog poop in our yard) said that the dog was a police dog and he was trained to chase down and bite people.

I had no idea what to do but I did think it was odd because I knew the neighbor wasn’t a police man. I am still not sure but I am assuming the dog is a retired police dog that this family adopted. He said that no one is usually out but he still shouldn’t have left the dog off the leash.

Anyways, I ran straight home and by the time I got to the door I was sobbing and in shock. It didn’t hurt too much but I was just freaked. I was going to bandage it up and go to work but when I saw the damage I decided to call the hubs and see what he thought I should do. To make a long story short we decided that I needed to go to the base clinic but it was the only day that it opened later so I decided to go to work until I could get an appointment. Probably not the best idea since I was in a lot of pain and my leg was really swollen, but I didn’t want to sit at home. The hubs tired to go over to the neighbors house to get their phone number but we were unable to get a hold of them. While I was at work I found out that we had to go to the ER so that they could also file all the reports with animal control. I was almost in tears at the thought that anything would happen to the dog (i mean it was his owner’s fault) but they assured me that nothing would happen.

I got checked out and they gave me antibiotics (which are as big as horse pills..really) and bandaged me up. My mom thinks that I should make the family pay for the time off work that I missed but I don’t want it to turn into any big thing…What do you think? The owner said they would pay for my medical bills if the insurance doesn’t (which they are required to do). Would you make them pay for the day of work that you missed?

I am doing good now and my leg is healing up but I am still a little scared to go by their house with the dog there and I am not running that early in the morning anymore!

In other news we might get our first snow this week! Have a great Sunday :)

Marathon Recap and all that jazz

2010-09-21T19:23:00.001-07:00

Here is the full recap of the full marathon..

I have also mentioned a lot recently that the hubs and I were running the Top of Utah marathon. I was super determined to run this race because I feel that I have been trying to accomplish running a marathon for about ½ a year now and things keep happening. So when we had a little snag in our training plan due to rolling our car, well that wasn’t going to stop us! Originally our farthest run before the race was going to be 23 miles (more than I had ever run)! We missed our 20 mile weekend so last weekend we opted to do 20 instead of 23 as not to injure ourselves. I had found in the past that drinking ZipFizz really helps keep my potassium in check since it has about 950 mg of potassium per serving. However, I kept forgetting to drink it the past few weeks and it wasn’t really bothering me so I didn’t bother with it. On Monday after the 20 mile run (this last Monday) I started getting muscle spasms in my chest and I knew it was due to a lack of potassium. I started downing the zipfizz like no other and almost went to the doc but decided not to. I was a little nervous for the race because I didn’t want anything bad to happen but the day before I felt pretty good (and like I said I was determined to run this race)!

The race was about an hour away from us so in an effort to save money we decided to get up at 3am on Saturday and head out so we could get there to pick up our packets before 4:30am. We had to park at the end spot and then we were going to get bussed up to the start. Both the hubs and I knew it was going to be cold so we purchased some cheap walmart sweats so that we could wear them that day and then shed them and not lose our nice stuff. I even sported my ear warmers and gloves because it was about 40-45 degrees…brrr! We got all squared away with our packets, changed into our racewear and got on the bus. As we were riding in the bus we passed our car and noticed that the light had been left on..oh no! I pointed it out to the hubs and he was like “oh well, I guess we will have to find someone to jump start us when we get back”. Um no! I knew that was the last thing either one of us would want to do once we were done with the race…we would just want to go home! However, I held my wifey tongue and then once we got close to the start destination the hubs had come up with a plan (he is very brilliant)! We ended up giving our keys to the bus driver who then returned down to where our car was and turned off the light, left the keys in the car and left one door unlocked. I was supper nervous the whole race that either our car or keys would be missing when we got done (but the driver was very nice and trustworthy)! Once we got up the top we had to wait about 45 minutes in before the race started and I was freezing so I convinced the hubs to go in the tent with the heaters and wait it out till the race started. It was supper cramped but totally worth it! Right before the race started we shed most of our sweats knowing that we would soon be getting warm.

Neither of us are really pre-race eaters but I was starving before it started. Luckily as we started to run my hunger decreased. I think I was getting a little overwhelmed at how many miles 26.2 actually is! We started out at a good pace and for the fist ½ there was a lot of gradual downhills with some up hills too (which helped our legs a lot). My goal was a sub 4 (less than 4 hours) and at the ½ way point we were at about a 8:50 average which was right on track. I was starting to really feel it though! At about mile 14 we had to stop to us the restroom (well I used the outhouse and the hubs used the side of the road)! The bad part is that once you pee it dehydrates you some..but it was coming out one way or another :) We then really started to take advantage of the aid stations and at least get water. I had a little bit of orange and a few bites of banana throughout because of the potassium thing. We didn’t use any gu’s even though they were provided (I don’t like them that much and didn’t really feel the need).

At mile 19 I was doing pretty good physically but the hubs was feeling dehydrated and not doing well. We stopped and walked some and it wasn’t getting better so he told me to go ahead. My time was slowly slipping away so I decided to press on. It was a hard decision because I really wanted to finish with him but I also wanted to see what I could truly run it in. By that time I was pretty sure I wouldn’t get a sub 4 but there was still a slight chance and if not I wanted to get as close to it as possible. Oh and one annoying part was that their mile markers were off about .2 of a mile the whole time so the whole course ended up being about 26.47 miles, not 26.2.

I did pretty well until I hit mile 20. I knew that as I pressed on from that point it was new territory and I was waiting to hit a wall. I think I psyched myself out because although I as feel okay physically (no major pains or cramps) I had a hard time pushing past the mental block. I ended up walking more than I would have like the last 5 miles. I was so happy to see the end! Since I knew the mile markers were off I decided to stop my watch when it hit 26.2 miles to see what my true time would be. I finished according to my watch time in 4 hours and 12 minutes. I crossed the final finish line in 4 hours and 17 minutes. I was happy just to completed it even though I didn’t make my goal..hey I was still standing!

From there I worried about the hubs till he crossed the finish line at 4 hours and 29 minutes! Way to go hubs! He did so amazing and I was so proud of him. After we found each other we drank some water and then headed to find our car. At that time I made the crucial mistake of not stretching..opps! We found our car (yay) and headed back down the hill. We stopped at the first McDonalds and got the largest diet coke they had and some food. About 30 minutes later we stopped at the sonic to get some more much needed diet DP.

We pretty much crashed the rest of the weekend. I can barely walk up the stairs right now and my legs will not stop twitching. I made another mistake yesterday and wore 4 inch heels to church..not good! By the time we were walking through costco my legs kept giving out. I have kept drinking the zipfizz and I am starting to do a little better! We are doing a light run today and I hope my legs hold out :) As we were running I kept thinking to myself..I am never doing this again! Yet as soon as we finished I started trying to figure out how I could do better next time. Yes, I know it’s a sickness! We looked at the local events last night and found some smaller ones (like 10k’s and 1/2s) to do in the next few months but the big event is going to be a sprint triathlon! I really hope we do because it sounds amazing, we just have to work out the logistics! Well that’s all..

Weekend in Review: A new job and my first Marathon..

2010-09-20T18:56:00.001-07:00

As you probably have guessed (due to my lack of blogging and total fail of my 30 day goal) things have gotten quite busy as of late. Oh and before I forget I wanted to thank everyone for your encouragement and advice about going gluten free. Today actually starts my day 1 of 6 weeks gluten free. I was going to start last week when I posted but things got kind of crazy and I will get into it more as we go.

Let’s see…where to start. I have mentioned a couple of times that I have been looking for a job since we arrived in Utah. Since we all know how wonderful the job world is right now I wasn’t getting very far in my search. When we lived in NJ I had the most success landing a paycheck using staffing agencies. A few weeks ago I was getting ~~desperate~~ motivated and decided to check in with the local office of a staffing company that I had signed up for in NJ. I hadn’t had much luck with them in the past but hey it was worth a shot. I interviewed and the girl who I worked with was really nice.

Sidenote: I am learning that my best temp experiences come from the staffing companies where I like their associates (I know shocker but it took me a while).

Anyways, we really hit it off and she said that she has some good leads in mind for me. I really enjoy working in a bank environment and she had nothing but encouraging words for that. She also told me that if I didn’t hear from her in a week to call back and check in.

Fast forward to the next week..

I hadn’t heard anything and was planning on calling her the Friday of Labor day weekend. Well we all know how that weekend turned out for me :) So, since our plans were changed due to the accident and we were back home instead of in Bako, I went ahead and took the opportunity to call her. Just my luck the office had closed for the long weekend but I left a message with plans to call again on Tuesday. Tuesday morning I was pleasantly surprised to receive a call from my new BFF staffing agent. She said a new job had opened up with the corporate center of a national bank dealing with the merger they were going through and she thought of me first. I thought the job sounded ideal and didn’t mind that it would make me have a 40 minute commute. I went through the whole background check process but still wasn’t sure if I had the job or not because in the past they have always wanted an interview. Originally I was told by my new BFF staffing agent that I could possibly start on Monday but when it was Friday and still no word I called her back. Long story short no interview needed and I ended up starting on Wednesday. This just added to my crazy week of new-ness considering that this weekend was my first marathon and I was extremely nervous! To make matters more interesting I have been struggling with my low potassium levels this last week (prob due to my amount of running but I am going to go to the doc) and so on my first day of work I almost fainted and kept praying “please don’t let me faint on my first day!”.

Luckily I didn’t and all was good :) So far my new job has been pretty uneventful. It is based on the amount of work that we receive for this one project and since it is towards the end of the project there really isn’t that much work (which is why I am writing this as work right now). We received some work my first day but the rest of the time I have spent internet shopping and doing anything else I please to pass the time! It may sound nice but I would really prefer some work to make the time go by faster…oh well at least I am getting paid. This is supposed to be a long term assignment so I am hoping that they find other work and don’t just end it.

I am finally getting used to working full time again though and even when not doing anything productive I am happy to be working! All the people that I work with are really nice and fun to talk to! So that’s that about work.

Moving right along…I completed my first marathon this weekend! Yes, I am stoked except for the fact that my legs will not stop twitching! Stupid potassium problems..booo! I won’t leave you hanging for too long but I am going to provide the full recap in the next post. Just know that both the hubs and I are still in working order!

Have a great Monday!

Saying goodbye to my friend Gluten – Day 18/19

2010-09-13T09:09:00.001-07:00

For any of you who have read my blog you know by now that we have been struggling with infertility. We stopped treatments when we moved to Utah at the end of June. After our last bout of injections and IUI’s I decided I needed a break. With the move and getting settled and starting a new job, the hubs and I aren’t ready quite yet to jump back into treatments. However, my yearning for a baby as not diminished! We were in church yesterday and I felt like we were surrounded by little babies and all the sudden I got so sad because the thought struck me that we may never be one of those couples.

During our treatment break I have been doing a lot of research and basically trying more natural ways to maybe get pregnant without having to go back to the RE. One of my biggest frustrations since stopping the treatments has been the fact that my stomach has remained supper bloated, my face has broken out a ton and I am cramping all the time. Due to the PCOS I don’t really ovulate on my own and I hardly ever have a true period. Last month (the first month off treatment) I ended up having a period on my own which gave me hope that maybe we could do this naturally (not that going back is bad or anything). After that period I started to take mucus thinning meds and tried to chart my temp but I wasn’t very consistent. I also didn’t have any noticeable cervical mucus during the whole month so it was kind of hard to chart my ovulation (if I ovulated at all). One thing I found out from my last RE is that my follicles don’t like to release the egg..grrr!

Anyways, right before the accident I started spotting very lightly and it lasted off and on for a few days. I really thought I might be starting my period but it was around day 21 of my cycle so I thought that was a little soon. I never ended up having my period but I did take a pregnancy test just out of curiosity at day 28 which turned out negative. As of now it is around day 34 of my cycle with no AF. I was hoping maybe all the drugs pumped into me had straightened my body out but so far it seems to be going back to it’s old ways only worse because now I have the after affects of the treatment to deal with!

For those of you who have gone through treatments and then stopped without a pregnancy did you deal with any of this? Did your body ever go back to the way it was before treatments?

So all this to say that I was doing some research last night and found several studies that link gluten intolerance to infertility. I was shocked..I know most of you probably already know this :) You see, my sister has PCOS and she found out about a year ago that she is gluten intolerant. She deals with other health issues too so I really didn’t think anything of it in regards to me. The symptoms that lead her to her diagnosis weren’t ones that I was having. However in my research last night it said that sometimes infertility can be the only symptom of gluten intolerance. Also, I have had stomach problems for many years and was diagnosed with IBS about 5 years ago. My issues come and go so I never really do anything about them. But as I was reading last night it dawned on me that my severally bloated tummy might be caused by some sort of gluten intolerance. According to my family doc although there is a test for celiac disease it isn’t a for sure and you can test negative and still be gluten intolerant.

I don’t know if going off gluten will help but I am willing to give it a try. It is kind of helpful that my sis has already been going through this because I am more aware of what does and does not contain gluten. This is going to be very hard because I love most everything that contains gluten. Oh how I am going to miss bread, muffins, cookies, cupcakes and all that yummy baked goods! Luckily most fro yo is gluten free!!

Well I guess I will see how it goes and in a couple months if there is no change then bring on the gluten again :)

Wish me luck because I am going to need it!

20 Miles and Forever 21 – Day 16/17

2010-09-11T17:34:00.001-07:00

I know that I am kind of cheating by combining days but yesterday I had no motivation to write and well I just didn’t.

I am very happy and proud to announce that the hubs and I made it through our 20 mile run today and are still alive to tell about it :) I really do think the forced and unplanned rest of last week helped our run go smoother this week (when we were suppose to run 20 last weekend but apparently after rolling a car you aren’t allowed to run for 3 days). We got up at 5:30am and headed out the door at about 6am. It was still dark outside and the stars were amazing! We planned to do 2 miles (2 laps) around our neighborhood and then stop back, shed our gloves and long sleeves and headed out for the final 18 miles. It was amazing to see the gorgeous sunrise! I was very tempted to keep my long sleeves on because it was still very cold but I also knew that I would warm up soon and then be stuck with them.

We had done this route one other time before and this time went a lot better because I knew what to expect. The hubs did amazing, I was so proud of him especially since he is still dealing with itchy staples in his head! We didn’t have to walk or even take a drink until about mile 15 and then my hip was killing me so I knew it would be smart to give it a short break and walk for a minute. That really seemed to help and although I was hurting for the last 7 miles it wasn’t unbearable and we finished in good spirits! The main things that I looked forward to while we ran was a hot shower, oatmeal and some of the hubs sausage egg and cheese biscuit when we got back! We have the marathon next weekend and I am getting very nervous!

After we semi-recovered from the mornings festivities we headed down the road (about an hour down the road) to a very yummy cupcake place because I had to get a gift for a friend and of course we needed sugar :) There is a huge Forever 21 right by it and since it is rather far away I asked the hubs if he minded if we stopped there. He had to go to Best Buy so it worked out well. He dropped me at Forever 21 and then did his guy thing at Best Buy. Since he ended up finding what he wanted and had to wait to get it installed I got some extra shopping time…dangerous!

I ended up getting 3 pairs of shoes (one was on clearance), a dress, a sweater, and a necklace. There were so many good things it was hard to decide but I was also trying not to spend too much! It’s funny because this is totally a store for me that sometimes I can find so many good things and other times I find nothing.

Here are some of the things I bought:

They have them in brown too which I totally love but they only had the black in my size.

These are so so comfy!

I got these is a darker brown.

I also got a necklace but I couldn’t find a picture of it!

Well that’s my weekend so far..how is yours?

ANTM Love – Day 15

2010-09-09T16:50:00.001-07:00

I just watched the season premier of America’s Next Top Model. I totally love this show! I know it’s catty and way too much drama but I don’t care…it’s one of my all time favorite shows :)

This season the girls seem even stranger than ever but I am sure that it will make it good entertainment. Well I don’t have much more to say besides that I can’t wait for the rest of the season. Oh and I am so obsessed that I almost tried out for the season where you had to be 5’7 or under (i’m 5’4) but well there was no follow through on that :)

And what season can’t be complete without the Jay’s..

Have a great thursday!

I broke the cupcake curse and a sad farewell – Day 14

2010-09-08T18:22:00.001-07:00

One thing that I have realized about myself and am trying to work on is that I live in the past. Meaning that I might not enjoy things as they are happening but ask me about them a few days, weeks or hours later and I will have the fondest of memories! I am trying to be a little less uptight about the way that I like things and just live and enjoy what is going on here and now. There are those instances though where all my efforts go out the window and I revert back to square one! This week was one of those times.

I had mentioned in my earlier posts that both my family and Josh’s parents came out to see us right after the accident. Since we don’t have our basement finished my parents stayed in a hotel but we had the rest of the group at our house. We had been wanting to get everyone out here for a while (especially since Josh’s folks live on the east coast) but these weren’t the circumstances we had planned to bring us all together. I felt totally unprepared to have house guests! We had planned to be out of town for the long weekend so we didn’t have that much food at the house and I hadn’t finished cleaning before we left. I found myself stressing out a lot about coordinating family schedules, meals, and entertainment (not that anyone was pushing me to be the party planner).

I am very lucky because both sides of the family get a long great and we really enjoy each other, but it was hard for me to break out of my stress funk and really enjoy almost everyone being out here at the same time. Especially since at the same time we are having to figure out the unexpected expenses that come with a car being totaled and I had a job interview thrown in too.

I don’t want to make it sound like I didn’t enjoy everyone but I was just thrown for a loop and had to break out of my routine of just the charles and I during the day (I have come to realize that I really don’t talk much during the day)! I have also realized that we lack seating space for a lot of people…these are things you don’t think of when it is just the two (or three) of you!

Anyway, everyone was set to leave tomorrow but my mom was having a lot of back issues so they decided to leave today so they could take more time to drive back. I kicked myself as it dawned on me how much I was going to miss having them around and that I really should have told myself to suck it up and enjoyed them while they were out here! I guess it’s a learning process! I really do love my family and love getting to share our life out here with them!

Do you ever deal with these feelings?

Oh and on a different note…

We went back to the cupcake place (so yummy) where the hubs and I had stopped on the way to California before the crash. I was so bummed after the crash when I realized that all of the cupcakes had ended up all over our car and stuff and we didn’t get to try any of them! This time we got another 1/2 dozen and I was a little nervous since you know what happened last time. But I am happy to report that we made it back safely and the cupcakes were supper yummy!!

Oh and please excuse my random post..it has been a long week!

Random episode of Try-em out Tuesday – Gap Edition – Day 13

2010-09-07T15:30:00.001-07:00

I bet if you haven’t guessed by now…I am kind of obsessed with Gap. Except for the fact that I am too short for most of their pants (which is easily solved by wearing heals which makes my legs look longer) I love the way their pants fit. Oh and I do realize that you can get them hemmed to fit but I like feeling tall..totally worth the sore feet :)

I finally realized my obsession with Gap jeans and well jeans in general when about 1/2 of my closest is taken up by them and I am still always buying more! Moving right along…since I have been looking for a job I realized that I need more dress pants. Now those are hard to find for me! I am very picky on how they fit and they are also not very cheap for something that I don’t actually have a place to wear them yet so I have just kind of been “looking”. When we were at Gap a few weeks ago I saw that they had several new styles of dress pants. And yes, I had to try them all on even though I wasn’t planning on buying any. That is when I fell in love with the “Perfect trouser” pants. All I can say is soo cute and soo comfy! The have a two-way stretch that makes them very nice to wear.

I had a 30% off coupon (I know me and my coupons) and I really wanted a black pair but they didn’t have one in my size so I decided to get the gray pair. My plan before the accident was to go back when the next round of coupons were valid and get the black pair too..I mean when you find pants that work why not? Then I lost the coupons so yeah I was sad. But when we went this weekend because my brother in law wanted to go to JCrew I not only talked them into giving me new coupons but I also saw that the pants were on sale for $35! I really just wanted to black pair but again that didn’t have my size in black, just in the gray which I already had and blue. So what did I do? Get the blue of course! But guess what I still have the coupons so I can totally get the black, but I am going to a different Gap because I am obviously having no luck!

If you are looking for quality dress pants you should totally check out the selection there! Here are the pants I love..

First we have to have the description:

Introducing our perfect trouser. Ready to work overtime, this pair is designed to flatter all shapes. A perfectly tailored silhouette gives way to a slightly flared leg. The end result: stylish, poised looks.

And now the picture:

I totally love them but like I said..gap has 7 new fits so if these don’t work for you then I am betting you will be able to find a fit that does!

A blowout drive (part 2) – Day 10/11/12

2010-09-06T10:18:00.001-07:00

I am sad to say that I failed in my blogging for 30 days straight! Due to the unforeseen circumstances of the last few days my blogging sort of fell behind. But now I am here and bringing your the second half of that scary night (with hopefully some humor as well).

We were only in the hospital for about 4 hours. I was discharged fairly quickly and then was able to sit in the hubs room (thankfully after they had put in the staples) until he was discharged. When they determined that everything in the noggin was working okay for the hubs they decided to discharge him too. They let him take a shower at the hospital since he had blood all over him and they had me supervise the shower to make sure he didn’t pass out or anything. I really thought I was going to pass out because I was so afraid that he was going to bust open his staples! I was also just so thankful that we were getting out so quickly.

While we were still in the hospital my brother in law came to our rescue! He lives about 6 hours away and as soon as he heard he jumped in the car and headed our direction. He had also booked us an hotel room for the night since he wouldn’t be getting there until after midnight. We were released from the hospital around 9pm or so and we called a cab to take us to the hotel. We defiantly looked like a pair, especially the hubs with his bloody head and bloody cut up jeans. That is when we realized it might be a good idea to make a stop at walmart for some much needed clothes and necessities and fill the hubs prescription. On a side-note it was funny because when the hubs asked the nurse in the hospital if they had any throw away pants he could wear out (apparently he wasn't too keen on showing off the thigh area) she brought him her own pants that we way too small…walmart here we come!

So there we were all bloody, walking around walmart at 9:30pm at night spending way too much money (apparently we don’t do cheap overnighters)! By the end of the walmart adventure I was in a lot of pain so all we both wanted to do was get to the hotel and lay down. We were planning on going to this amazing buffet in Las Vegas that night but instead we had come crackers and called it a night :)

The next morning my brother in law picked us up and once we figured out the insurance info on the phone we headed to go check out the damage on the explorer. The night before I had realized that we had gotten these really yummy cupcakes to take to bako that were still in the car. I told the hubs that if they were still intact I was totally going to eat them! However, they met their demise during the roll and were plastered all over our car and everything else in the car when we go there!

We were able to salvage most of the important stuff and were excited to see that our computers, ipods and other garmin watches survived the crash :) We gathered all that we could and then turned the beat up explorer over to USAA. It was a little scary to see the damage and brought it even more to our minds are truly lucky we were and how much God protected us! Oh and for those of you who were wondering..my favorite jeans survived too! We headed for breakfast and then back on the road headed home. At firs I think both the hubs and I were both a little shaky but we were in great hands!

This might sound weird but one of the hardest parts for me after this all happened was the fact that we were both suppose to take it easy for the next three days. I felt fine besides my foot hurting some and it was torture to see a Saturday pass without completing our scheduled run. However I tried to remind myself just how lucky we were! I also hated seeing the hubs suffer due to his injuries..I just wanted to do something to help him! He was sure a trooper though and didn’t complain at all!

We were able to go to the Gap too and get him new jeans and I scored myself some new coupons after telling the the circumstances of how my previous beloved coupons met their demise!

Thank you guys all so much for your kind words and prayers, we totally felt them!

Oh and shout-out to facebook because we kept getting random texts while in the hospital and we couldn’t figure out how people knew until I checked my facebook and saw that my sis had posted something about the accident…it still amazes me how fast news can travel via facebook!

Since we were now car-less (well missing one car) my in-laws in their amazing generosity decided to sell us their newer explorer and so they headed out for a three day drive to get to us. My parents also decided that since we weren't coming there anymore and my dad was on a 6-dayer (fireman talk for 6 days off) they decided to head up here too with the furniture that we were getting out there. Yay for family reunion! These aren’t the circumstances that we wanted to bring almost all the family together but we were glad to have them here! We are really missing the rest of the family though! God has been very good to us during all of this and all we can do is praise him!

Have a great day and I’ll see you tomorrow :)

A blowout drive (part 1) – Day 9

2010-09-03T17:39:00.001-07:00

Well I am happy to say that just as I stated…the start to this weekend didn’t disappoint (or at least it was very eventful).

When I left you guys yesterday we were headed out to Cali to pick up some furniture with a stop-over in Vegas for some yummy food and shopping. From our house to Vegas it takes about 7 hours and then from Vegas to Bako it is a little under 5 hours. We dropped the pup off at puppy camp and then headed out on the road. We had taken the Explorer due to the fact that we were picking up furniture at the rents. We had to make a stop at Walmart during our trip and decided to stop in Cedar City, UT because according to my droid it was the closest one to us.

About 11 miles from our exit the back driver’s side tire blew out. The next thing I know the car is fish-tailing back and forth. I remember looking over at Josh and trying not to freak-out. Then the back tire caught on the edge of the road and I knew the explorer was about to flip. Once we started rolling I know I should have been scared but all I could remember thinking is “Just stop, please stop”. Even in the midst of it though I felt calm because I know that God is in control of all this. Once the car finally stopped we are upside down. That’s when the fear hit, I asked Josh if he was okay and once he answered me the fear was gone. The next thing I thought was “why did I wear my favorite jeans today, I am going to be so upset if they are ruined!”.

Josh was able to unbuckle his seatbelt and and crawl out of the busted window. I unbuckled mine but I was still stuck in the seatbelt. There had been a semi-truck behind us when this all happened and luckily he was a fast thinker and was able to stop without hitting us and block the traffic behind us. He was also one of the first on-scene to help and with the use of Josh’s pocket knife that had been thrown from the car he cut me out of my seatbelt and then he helped pull me out of the car through the busted window on my side.

Josh was already sitting down on the side of the road and as soon as I saw him it dawned on me that he had blood coming down his face and the back of his head. That’s week I freaked a little. I don’t do well with seeing loved ones with injuries. They had me sit next to him and God surrounded us with many great people! One lady had an umbrella so she stood behind us and kept the sun off and when I started to faint she had me lay down on against her knees. There were also two off-duty Arizona Highway Patrol officers that were able to get on their radios and get help to us quickly. The bandaged up Josh’s head which had three pretty bad gashes.

When the EMT’s came they were very thorough and very nice. With the nature of the crash and the gashes on Josh’s head they had to take the precautions of spinal injuries and boarded us up and transported us to the hospital via ambulance. The female EMT’s were amazing and they made me happy by saying how small I was :) I know vanity! The were also laughing at me because I was really bummed that I lost my Gap coupons that I had just gotten, especially when they proceeded to cut off Josh’s favorite pair of Gap jeans (which are not cheap)! Through all these little things though I was overwhelmed by how lucky we were and how as long as I had Josh alive, nothing else mattered.

I also realized that I watch way to many doctor shows as I was freaking out about Josh really not being okay. You always see how they are fine at first but then they die, I think I was giving myself a panic attack! Once we got into the ER they checked me out and the only injury I had besides a bump on the head was some glass in my foot. They kept me under observation for a little bit and then I was discharged and allowed to go sit with the hubs. They didn’t do any x-ray’s because I could be pregnant (though I don’t think I am and more to come on that latter). While I was still in my room the took Josh to get a head CT and everything came back good. I could finally relax and believe that he was really going to be okay. The ended up giving 15 staples in the head. He was such a trooper and I am so proud of him!

He came into my room for a bit and we both realized how thankful we were that we had left the Charles at puppy camp because I really don’t think he would have survived the crash which would have crushed us both! Again we were overwhelmed with thankfulness towards God.

Okay, Since this is getting really long I am going to continue it tomorrow…but don’t worry we are both totally fine and at home now. Come back tomorrow to find out the rest!

Heading to Cali via Vegas – Day 8

2010-09-02T08:25:00.001-07:00

In about two hours the hubs will be getting home from work, we will head out for our run, finish packing and then drop the Charles off at puppy camp!

Where are we going?? Well glad you asked…we are heading to Vegas tonight and then onto Bako the next day. I am so excited to get to see everyone and be there with the hubs (every trip I have taken there in the last year has been solo)! Since we are leaving later we didn’t want to do the whole 11.5 hour drive today so we decided to break it up and stay in Vegas overnight :)

Yay for yummy food and some shopping Vegas style! Since we are living within driving distance my parents decided it was time that I took all my ~~crap~~ lovely memories out of their house. The hubs gets an extra long weekend due to labor day so we decided this would be the perfect weekend.

On friday night we get to see this crew for a little magical neighborhood get together!

Then Saturday the hubs and I have to tackle our 20 mile run..yay for lower elevation :)

My brother in law is coming down too from Edwards AFB, it will be so nice to have most of the family in one place for the weekend :)

Stay tuned for bako happenings in the next few days…it shouldn't disappoint! Have a wonderful Thursday :)

Coach Love via the BX – Day 7

2010-09-01T14:12:00.001-07:00

One of the great things about having access to the BX (base exchange) is that they carry Coach purses for discounted prices..oh and did I mention that we don’t have to pay sales tax there! So yeah, today when I was there looking for new running shoes on the strict order of the hubs (I guess my “old” ones have too many miles on them) and I just had to stop and look at the purse selection. I mean how could pass that up?

So there I was carrying a box of shoes, shorts, and a shirt with my wallet, keys and sunglasses, trying to navigate my way through all the fabulous purses. Yeah it takes talent..maybe I need a purse?? So I decided to take a browse. Oh and they also carry Dooney and Bourke so I had to drool over those too :) Although the Coach handbags are discounted they are still way over my price range so all I can do is drool :) But as I was standing there my eye caught the clearance rack sporting coach handbags..hummm.

That’s when I laid on this amazing handbag and fell in LOVE! It is totally the perfect size and the color will go with anything…and it’s Coach! Oh and well it’s on sale so it was meant for me right? I even tried it on and I knew we were meant to be together. We will not mention how while I was mesmerized by this fabulous purse I tripped over my supper high heals, fell into another woman and broke my new shoe..no we won’t mention that but it was totally worth it. Oh and a little supper glue will fix the said broken shoe.

Moving right along…here is a picture of one that was around the same style but the purse I loved was a tan/gold color and way hotter (I couldn’t find the actual picture but this is close without the shoulder strap)..

It is really amazing how you can start to rationalize prices when you are surrounded by such hefty price tags. Suddenly $150 doesn’t seem so bad compared to $250-300. I know, not good! I blame it on the new season of Rachel Zoe..I mean really, it brings out the shopping monster in me :) I was standing there thinking..this purse is bananas!

I even had to text my hubs and tell him about it…can I say birthday present ;) No really though, it is a good thing I am trying to be frugal while not working because I was totally tempted. I really need to go on a shopping hiatus but there are so many cute things out there and I have Gap coupons!

Oh well a girl can dream ..

PS I have already made the hubs promise me that when we ever get pregnant I can get a Coach baby bag :)

Pumpkins and Purple what more could a girl want?? - Day 6

2010-08-31T16:24:00.001-07:00

As I am sure you can tell by now..the fall is my favorite time of the year! I love to switch up my decorating and I love love fall colors :) This year I am really into deep purples, dark oranges, yellows and browns. I had to go to Pottery Barn today to return something I had ordered on-line and I was ecstatic to see their fall decor..oh my!

Right now our living room colors are yellow, white and robins egg blue. I am confident I can take a lot of the things we already have and still use them as I switch into my fall decor mode. Especially since yesterday when I mentioned to the hubs that I wanted to redecorate he gave me a really strange look (you have to remember that we just moved here and decorated like a month and a half ago). If I was really budget conscious I would use the same fall stuff every year, but all the new stuff they come out with is so cute and well I get board and like to change it up. So now I am focusing on taking looks from Pottery Barn and other places and trying to recreate them as cheaply as possible!

But a girl can dream though…right??

So here are some things that I am loving from my beloved Pottery Barn (and I might even have to splurge and buy a few of them)..

How cool are these candle holders..love it!

These just scream fall :)

usually I love pumpkins but this year I am obsessed with them!

JoAnn’s, Michaels, Home goods, etc…her I come! Oh and yes I do realized that it isn’t even technically September yet but in my book fall decorations are now allowed to be busted out!

see you all tomorrow :)